How can I ever be at peace with death?
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12-03-2016, 04:19 AM
How can I ever be at peace with death?
It doesn't happen very often, but whenever I think about death, it frightens me to the point where I just freeze up and can't do anything for a while. The idea that this short life is it, that I will lose consciousness one day and never regain it, not in one year, not in ten years, not in a billion years... it frightens me so much. As I'm writing this post I'm close to tears because I'm so afraid. I don't want this to be it. This is too short. This isn't enough. Fuck, fuck, fuck, getting a minor panic attack. Sadcryface

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12-03-2016, 04:42 AM (This post was last modified: 12-03-2016 04:49 AM by adey67.)
RE: How can I ever be at peace with death?
(12-03-2016 04:19 AM)Vosur Wrote:  It doesn't happen very often, but whenever I think about death, it frightens me to the point where I just freeze up and can't do anything for a while. The idea that this short life is it, that I will lose consciousness one day and never regain it, not in one year, not in ten years, not in a billion years... it frightens me so much. As I'm writing this post I'm close to tears because I'm so afraid. I don't want this to be it. This is too short. This isn't enough. Fuck, fuck, fuck, getting a minor panic attack. Sadcryface

Vosur, I'm really sorry you are feeling like this Hug May I ask how old you are ? The reason I ask is that from my early teens right through to my mid thirties I suffered the same symptoms and thoughts you describe, frequently at night often waking up exhausted.

In my experience this phenomenon and its symptoms improve with age although that doesn't help you right now so my advice is to go to the doctors as a low dose antidepressant or beta blocker could help a lot, it did for me.

Thanatophobia (that's its technical name) is treatable and in time your symptoms will improve.Thumbsup
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12-03-2016, 05:15 AM
RE: How can I ever be at peace with death?
I've given up television. TTA is my only "time waster" - and I'm still interacting with people and learning. I'm trying to live life to the fullest each day I have so when I'm older I won't think back to all the years I wasted. I'm starting to learn photography, I'm writing again, I'm painting. I'm going to be helping my parents and grandmother with their farms.

I don't smoke and I no longer drink much. I tend to stick to a glass of wine. I try to eat healthy. I wear sunscreen. Things that will prolong my life, provided I don't die in an accident.

My time is limited, so I'm going to have fun or die trying, goddammit!


You're young, Vosur. Do your best to make choices that will set you up for future success and the ability to live your life on YOUR terms.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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12-03-2016, 05:21 AM
RE: How can I ever be at peace with death?
This helps put things into perspective for me.




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12-03-2016, 08:06 AM
RE: How can I ever be at peace with death?
(12-03-2016 04:19 AM)Vosur Wrote:  It doesn't happen very often, but whenever I think about death, it frightens me to the point where I just freeze up and can't do anything for a while. The idea that this short life is it, that I will lose consciousness one day and never regain it, not in one year, not in ten years, not in a billion years... it frightens me so much. As I'm writing this post I'm close to tears because I'm so afraid. I don't want this to be it. This is too short. This isn't enough. Fuck, fuck, fuck, getting a minor panic attack. Sadcryface

"Despise not death, but welcome it, for nature wills it like all else."
- Marcus Aurelius

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12-03-2016, 08:13 AM (This post was last modified: 12-03-2016 08:16 AM by Szuchow.)
RE: How can I ever be at peace with death?
(12-03-2016 04:19 AM)Vosur Wrote:  It doesn't happen very often, but whenever I think about death, it frightens me to the point where I just freeze up and can't do anything for a while. The idea that this short life is it, that I will lose consciousness one day and never regain it, not in one year, not in ten years, not in a billion years... it frightens me so much.

I could say that is't exactly the same idea that keep me going but that would be stretching it. However I'm not afraid of it as for me death is peace and end of existence filled (not entirely) with misery*.

Having said that I try to find or rather create some meaning of life and I must say gathering knowledge works quite good as such.


*Yes, I'm aware of my tendency to over-dramatize things.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

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12-03-2016, 08:46 AM
RE: How can I ever be at peace with death?
I was in the same boat for a long time. Thought of dying scared the crap outta me. Then one day I was out hiking with friends and obsessing over it, when I thought... you know, fuck, it's a beautiful day. If I die tomorrow, shouldn't I enjoy today? If I die in 50 years time, but worry every day about dying, aren't I wasting my time?

That kinda cured me of worrying about it - it still kinda scared me but I figured the time to be scared was later, not now. I've always been able to put off thinking about stuff that wasn't urgent, so this joined the big pile of overdue assignments and the like that stay at the back of my mind and never bother me.

The other thing that happened is my sister died. Feeling her absence... I was sad, but again I thought... If she was alive, she'd want me to be happy. I also got a real jolt 'cos... she was here one day and the next she was gone. There was no time to get used to the idea. After I was able to function again I was mindful that every day on Earth may be my last, so I am damn well gonna have fun, and I'm gonna have it *now*. Fuck waiting, fuck worrying about stuff in the far future. Fun. Naked ladies. Now.

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If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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12-03-2016, 08:52 AM
RE: How can I ever be at peace with death?
You're far luckier than those who were never born at all. If you spend your time regretting that you don't have more time you end up with less time than you would have had. And when you die you'll return to that state you were before you were born. And there will be no fear, no sense of loss, just the same kind of thing you experience between your dreams.
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12-03-2016, 09:05 AM (This post was last modified: 12-03-2016 09:09 AM by jennybee.)
RE: How can I ever be at peace with death?
(12-03-2016 05:21 AM)EvolutionKills Wrote:  This helps put things into perspective for me.




The video didnt work for me, but I'm assuming it might be the one where Dawkins says this: "We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here.We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred."

That's what helps me come to terms with the idea of death anyway--that we are so incredibly lucky to even be here. I want to live each day to the fullest and not spend time dwelling on death simply because of that.

I think it's normal to worry about death, but I think if it consumes you to where you are spending time dwelling on it instead of enjoying life, then it might be time to go and talk to someone about it. I also find that engaging in activities that reduce anxiety like yoga and meditation help (basically I go and go these things when unwanted thoughts pop up and it helps them go away or at the very least,helps me deal with them better and put them in their place.) I also agree with morondog, if you waste every day feeling sad and scared about death, you aren't really living and in a way, you are already dead. I love the line in the Shawshank Redemption--"I guess it comes down to a simple choice, get busy living or get busy dying."

I'm so sorry you are struggling with all of this, Vosur, and I hope it gets better for you Hug

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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12-03-2016, 09:48 AM
RE: How can I ever be at peace with death?
Vosur, watch this.





It's difficult to travel through this one life we get and not get poetic about it and sad that some day it will end. But I think about the universe and how my chemicals will always part of the universal system. Our bodies, in some sense don't die, the chemicals are simply rearranged and scattered elsewhere.

I don't think of death as being dead. I think of it as not existing. Someday I won't exist. I didn't exist for 14 billion years

I love this too.

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you'd hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly. Amen.

-Aaron Freeman.

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Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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