How can I resist the urge to be a dick?
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14-01-2017, 03:41 PM
How can I resist the urge to be a dick?
(14-01-2017 10:36 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Well, I'm pretty good at taking a dick

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14-01-2017, 03:53 PM
RE: How can I resist the urge to be a dick?
I like the way DLJ has summed it up.

You get something from it, we are creatures of habit, we do things for actual, or percieved gratification/fulfilment.

The opposite of you, the really nice people, even they are doing it for them, because they get something from helping others, sometimes even to the detriment of themselves.

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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15-01-2017, 03:08 PM
RE: How can I resist the urge to be a dick?
Ya know what KUSA, you might be alright. Smile

I think if you are a dick and you cross the invisible line from dick-who-is-funny to dick-who-is-just-a-fucking-piece-of-shit, then when people lose their shit and tell you, the path back to dick-who-is-funny is paved with figuring out why the fuck they lost their shit. And acknowledging their lost shit, and possibly even apologising for causing them to lose it. Even though people have plentiful supplies of shit, apologising for causing them to lose it makes them happy and will result in higher social status for the apologiser.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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18-01-2017, 08:55 AM
RE: How can I resist the urge to be a dick?
To the extent that KUSA is actually concerned about harming others I think it's important to explore that. You can do that without heaping shame or guilt or whatever upon yourself. It's already been professionally established, I gather, that he is low on empathy, and narcissistic. Empathy deficits and self-absorption do legitimately hurt others. In the abstract, at least, I would imagine KUSA does not wish to deliberately hurt people.

I have a colleague who is dickish and I have learned, over time, not to take it personally or literally. Shit just flies out of his mouth and he recognizes this but can't seem to help it and so portrays himself as the guy who just says shit sometimes but doesn't mean any harm. It seems to work better for him in general than it does for me personally, but like I said, I've learned to discount it. One of the reasons it works well for him is that he has an obvious physical handicap and people cut him a lot of slack based on that. I also suspect his parents cut him a lot of slack as he was growing up -- more than they should have, particularly given his personality.

His closest friend is about as far from an impulsive dick as you can get. They have been lifelong friends and now work together in the same office. I think the friend is a steadying influence on the dick, and the dick probably draws the friend out of his shell a bit. It's probably a good, even healthy, symbiotic relationship. One example of how this symbiosis works is that the dick dropped out of college for no particular reason other than a passing impulse to go have some fun, and the friend just waited for a moment when his friend was less dickish than normal and then said, hey, let's both enroll in school! It'll be fun! Turned it into a lark basically. And today the dick credits him with getting him back on the straight and narrow.

I note that the dick has married a dick and has dickish twin children. I also note that this has reduced his dickishness and increased his humility, and made him easier for me to deal with. So has the process his wife went through to give birth to the twin dicks; it was very dangerous to her health-wise and she spent months in the hospital being medicated to not abort them. Something about working remotely from the hospital room, not knowing whether his wife (or his unborn children) would live or die for months, has done something to (re)form him. A bit. But not that much. ;-)

I also note that the dick tends to develop a grudging respect for people like me who ignore his dickishness and are not impressed by it. By doing so I have not afforded him reinforcement for being a dick. Not to me, at least.

I toss this all out for whatever it is worth. I don't think my dick colleague will quit being a dick but he can be modified within a certain range.

Unlike some here I do not celebrate dickishness but I do have a certain amount of compassion for it. "Forgive him, for he knows not what he does" sort of compassion. But I still would not work with this dick unless I were paid enough to do so. Trust me, I bill my client double hours for all the time I spend mopping up after him (his impulse control issues causes him to be careless about certain things ... not exactly what you want in a software developer / system administrator combo for a company that needs to achieve 99.99999% uptime). The other compensation is he is genuinely talented and productive in other ways. And maybe that's another insight for a dick: suck as much as you want provided you overcompensate in some other way.
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18-01-2017, 08:57 AM
RE: How can I resist the urge to be a dick?
(12-01-2017 06:59 PM)KUSA Wrote:  How can I resist the urge to be a dick?

As hard as I try, I give in to my desires to act like a dick. Now you may think this is a joke but I am not joking.

It just feels satisfying to act like a dick. It's almost entertaining. I have to resist and fight the urge everyday.

Is anyone here a recovered dick? How did you overcome?

Hang out with people who are not dicks.

"Tell me, muse, of the storyteller who has been thrust to the edge of the world, both an infant and an ancient, and through him reveal everyman." ---Homer the aged poet.

"In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."
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18-01-2017, 09:24 AM
RE: How can I resist the urge to be a dick?
(18-01-2017 08:57 AM)Tomasia Wrote:  
(12-01-2017 06:59 PM)KUSA Wrote:  How can I resist the urge to be a dick?

As hard as I try, I give in to my desires to act like a dick. Now you may think this is a joke but I am not joking.

It just feels satisfying to act like a dick. It's almost entertaining. I have to resist and fight the urge everyday.

Is anyone here a recovered dick? How did you overcome?

Hang out with people who are not dicks.

I could say something dickish here,but I choose not to be a dick today. Drinking Beverage Big Grin
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18-01-2017, 10:06 AM
RE: How can I resist the urge to be a dick?
(18-01-2017 09:24 AM)adey67 Wrote:  
(18-01-2017 08:57 AM)Tomasia Wrote:  Hang out with people who are not dicks.

I could say something dickish here,but I choose not to be a dick today. Drinking Beverage Big Grin

Hey, at least it didn't have any sticky, icky scriptural guck or smarmy religious twists in it! Thumbsup
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