How did you raise your kids/ how are you brought up?
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24-09-2013, 09:33 PM
How did you raise your kids/ how are you brought up?
I thought it would be interesting to know how you guys were brought up and how you raise your kids. Strict? Relaxed? Moderate?
How did/do you like it? How do your kids like it?

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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24-09-2013, 11:54 PM
RE: How did you raise your kids/ how are you brought up?
My oldest is only three, so my answer to that part of the question is still pending. I know how I'd like to raise him, but you get a three yr. old around you constantly and tell me that you wouldn't like to punch him in the throat every now and then. Hobo

I was raised by a preacher. I love my dad. I get my hard headedness from him (my son got it from him too). I can describe our relationship with the well known words "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....".

I'm not sure if I would describe my upbringing as strict or moderate. It was definitely strict compared to most of my peers, but at the same time moderate compared to many stories I've heard of other people raised in orthodox environments. My mom was raised by baptist ultra-fundies so she was the one to ultimately lay down the law, dad was more of the enforcer. He was originally raised big family, hard drinking, hard living catholic. He felt a stronger "call" towards faith than his siblings and ended up leaving the catholic church and becoming a protestant pastor.

That being said, I grew up in a loving household. I can't say that I loved it all the time, I wanted my freedom as a kid like anyone else, probably more than most. But looking back, other than the indoctrination (which I can't really fault my parents for, they were just doing what they "knew" was right for me), I had a pretty good family life. And all things equal, I'm thankful for how I was raised in that I have a healthy respect for being empathetic, respectful and kind.

That and the fact that my dad is no intellectual slouch. He gave me the grounding to be a critical thinker and to his credit is why I'm free from the bullshit he fell prey to. Someday, when I'm ready, I hope to share a glass or two of good whiskey with him and discuss it, but for now I'll talk it over with you folks.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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25-09-2013, 08:40 AM
RE: How did you raise your kids/ how are you brought up?
I grew up in a Catholic family but most didn't practice. My mother had me baptized but never went any further than that. I only saw the inside of churches for weddings and the like. Not having any indoctrination helped me question things some would not and even though my mom couldn't answer many questions she never squashed my curiosity. I was a pain and questioned everything.

I remember a family member sending me with their kids to a bible study when I was around 6. I remember being afraid of the place and people. They were very in your face but I think kept it at a level geared towards little ones. I came out with many questions that nobody I knew could answer and it gave me dislike of of these people that lasts to this day. This is one of the things that made me question things more, so I guess I owe them a debt of gratitude. Not quite what they aimed for, I'm sure.

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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25-09-2013, 08:58 AM
RE: How did you raise your kids/ how are you brought up?
My mum and dad used to work until I was around 6, but then due to health issues with my dad he had to stop working and my mum quit nursing to look after him. So we didn't have much money but we were comfortable.

However something that money cannot buy, was my parents patience and time with me and my brother and sister. I felt like I could approach them over anything and they would be honest with me. When I got into trouble they very rarely used to shout at me and I only remember my dad spanking me once when I was very very young.

When I got into trouble and the many times I got excluded from school I never feared punishment, instead I knew they would be disappointed and that to me was worse.

All my friends wanted my parents. If I ever have kids I will raise them exactly the same as I was raised, I would not change a thing.

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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25-09-2013, 09:09 AM (This post was last modified: 25-09-2013 09:39 PM by Anjele.)
RE: How did you raise your kids/ how are you brought up?
I am going to focus on just one aspect as I think it is the biggest difference between the way my parents raised me and how I raised my own. (Not counting the fact that I didn't beat mine bloody)

My parents were crazy strict...lots of ways I could go there but,

I was expected to be just like everyone else. Individuality was discouraged. Not only did I wear a uniform to school but my parents also wanted me to dress at other times just like a certain group of girls my age did...the girls with professional fathers, stay at home bridge-playing mothers, and a pretty comfortable lifestyle. I don't think dad ever got over my rejection of golf. They really wanted me to be a Stepford Kid. My preference for the 'hippie look' did not make my parents happy...all these years later that is still my preference. I wasn't a bad kid, I just didn't fit the mold they thought was right. It was all about appearances...stuff to cover up the decay on the inside of our home/family.

With my kids, pretty much anything went. First though, they had to take school seriously and follow certain rules that were in place to keep them safe. But I knew, from me, that hair cut, hair color, clothing style, music choice, piercings, etc...were often just fads and are the way to find out what fits best. Within reason, they were pretty much allowed to experiment with their look, often with my help. I won't say that I didn't ever roll my eyes but I also knew that dying their hair purple wasn't going to change who they were nor would it cause permanent damage.

I have three grown kids...if you could have three polar opposites, that is how I would describe them. None of the surface stuff, none of those cycles and changes did anything more than let them try things on and figure out what works for them. I let them be who they were becoming...on the outside as well as the inside.

A lot different from the serious threat of a beating the time I put my still damp hair into small braids and went to school the next morning (in my Catholic school uniform) with a 'do' that was described as being like Janis Joplin. I never did that again, though I loved it.

Now I watch as my grandkids are allowed to choose their unique styles...and that makes me happy.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. -JF
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25-09-2013, 07:15 PM
RE: How did you raise your kids/ how are you brought up?
I was raised by a flipflopping atheist/deist father and an apathetic Catholic mother who only went to church on holidays and complained about having "fanatically religious" relatives. My mom made me go to church up to my first communion at age 8, after which, my dad said it was my choice to go or not. I chose to stop going. My mom also stopped, and I think the only reason she went was to keep up with the joneses and appear "normal" to her catholic friends and relatives. My grandparents were also quite lazy/apathetic in their religiousness, went to church on xmas and easter only. However, my mom went through these phases (still does) when she would suddenly "get religion" and go sort of nuts. Like when I was a teenager, she took all my heavy metal albums and fanzines and threw them away, saying they were satanic. And whenever a relative died, she'd "get religion" for a few weeks, and yell at me if I said "goddamnit." I figure I was always an atheist, because even as a kid I thought it was a farce and that adults only did it to scare kids. I do feel fortunate that, though they all called themselves Catholics most of the time, none of my immediate relatives were really practicing catholics and didnt much give a damn.

I'm happily childfree, but if I did I have kids, I would not indoctrinate them in any way.

I am always fascinated when I learn about the beliefs/lack of beliefs of my friends' children, though. Some of them were raised without any religion and remained that way, some are nonpracticing but call themselves christian, some raised by an atheist mother ended up as Christians when they were teens.
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