How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
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13-04-2015, 03:59 PM
How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
I recently came out (last november) as gay and my family won't stop trying to force their views on me. I want to have a decent conversation about what I believe and what I don't believe in but, sadly my family is ignorant and closed-minded. They say and believe a lot of hurtful, slanderous things about gay people and nonbelievers like myself. I really can't understand how they don't see they are hurting my feelings.

Last Sunday I told my mother that I was done with church because I didn't believe in God anymore. That's partly true, the main reason is that I'm tired of hearing about how I'm destined for hell every sunday by the same preacher who betrayed me. She acted all high and mighty and tried to hug me and persuade me to change my mind, but I've been forcing myself to go through this pain for months now and i wasn't backing down. I'm way too sure of my atheism now. She gave up while asserting there was a demon deep inside of me.

I skipped church Thursday night, but my father was all pissed off. For some odd reason, he believes people should fear and respect him; no matter how many times I let him know that he doesn't scare me anymore, I'm an adult for god' sake, lol. Anyway, he talked about how I wasn't "man" enough to talk to him about it myself... Apparently I need his permission to make my own decisions. He barked that he didn't raise me to not attend church and blah blah blah. After the talked I decided that since I only had a few more Sunday's until I was off to school that maybe I could tough it just to get these people off my back.

Sunday morning comes and we're in sunday school. My mother stands up and asks a question with a stupid smirk on her face, "why do our children leave the religion despite being raised in the church?" I leered at her for a few seconds thinking in my head "you {female dog}" but i went back to playing sudoku on my phone. My dad, who is the sunday school teacher, says with his i-know-everything-about-everything mentality "well, they weren't true christians to begin with. Just because we push them to go to church doesn't mean they were doing it for the right reasons. all of their singing in the choir and praise team, ushering, even being a deacon, it's all in vain" they acted like they were talking to the class but they were talking about me/to me. everything that came out of their mouths related to my situation, my dad even mentioned everything i was involved in at church until i quit.

Later that day, the pastor preached about the anti-christ. he hollered that the anti-christ was going to be gay, and that the "gay agenda" was paving the way for the anti-christ. the whole while my father agreeing with every word.

I don't even know how to deal with these people anymore. I want to confront them but I don't know how. Sadcryface
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13-04-2015, 04:04 PM
RE: How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
Are you over 18???

If so - #1 priority would be to get your own place to live. That's huge leverage..

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The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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13-04-2015, 04:14 PM
RE: How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
(13-04-2015 03:59 PM)chibigiraffe Wrote:  Later that day, the pastor preached about the anti-christ. he hollered that the anti-christ was going to be gay, and that the "gay agenda" was paving the way for the anti-christ. the whole while my father agreeing with every word.

I don't even know how to deal with these people anymore. I want to confront them but I don't know how. Sadcryface

That's quite stunning. Maybe aggressively confronting isn't the right option. You might sit your father down and explain quite calmly that he is hurting his child immensely with this rhetoric, that you are just his child and not the vanguard of the antichrist, and that he should reconsider lest he lose you over his bigotry. The decision is his alone. End of conversation.

Quantum Physics: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
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13-04-2015, 05:31 PM
RE: How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
I think personally there is no talking to folks like this. Your better off giving them the ultimatum. Either lets have an adult conversation about this and not bring judgment into the picture(with your dad it sounds like that won't happen) or be cut off until they learn to treat you with some respect. Like you said you're an adult.

I will follow that with be rational about the way you go about doing this. Do you have a back up plan if they don't respect your wishes? Do you have a place to go? Are they a main source of help with income, housing, or school? If they are I think you have to put on the tirade in order to get some "fuck it" money saved up. No point in having to make your life rough because of a few simple people.

Seems like you're the only adult acting as such in this so just treat them like the kid who keeps throwing snack packs at the wall. They just don't know any better. Drinking Beverage
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13-04-2015, 05:34 PM
RE: How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
I'm sorry. This sounds really sucky, honestly.

If you are a dependent, I would recommend being strategic (don't piss off the hand that feeds you). If you are not, I would try to think of what you want. Do you want to be understood and respected? Do you want to be left alone about this issue and to just not talk about it? I might then think of a good way to communicate my desires to these people. It can be tough though, as certain personality types are averse to honest adult communication. For instance, I am not speaking to my brother right now because he takes honest communication and tells me how stupid I am for whatever I might be thinking/saying/acting. Point is relationships are too complex for a one size fits all solution. I'd think about ends you want to realistically achieve and then try to strategize for that.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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13-04-2015, 06:11 PM
RE: How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
Quote: I really can't understand how they don't see they are hurting my feelings.


They know. They don't care.

You have to face reality that their fairy tales are more important to them than you are.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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13-04-2015, 08:07 PM
RE: How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
(13-04-2015 06:11 PM)Minimalist Wrote:  
Quote: I really can't understand how they don't see they are hurting my feelings.


They know. They don't care.

You have to face reality that their fairy tales are more important to them than you are.

i'm really starting to agree with this statement, even though i really don't want it to be true.

i really suck at expressing my feelings and i'm even worse at explaining myself. i've learned to just not say anything because i always seem to end up saying the wrong things. i keep thinking that maybe someday they'll try to understand, but i keep getting disappointed... i must me a glutton for punishment...

if it comes down to it, i will walk away from them and never look back. i believe i have enough strength to do that... i'll create a social circle of my own full of people i can be myself around without any regrets (maybe easier said than done...)
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13-04-2015, 08:09 PM
RE: How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
I wish I had great advice for you, but all I have is empathy. I'm afraid that the best you will be able to do is to wait until you are 18 and go off to school. Some distance will allow you to live in peace.

Your parents can potentially use financial support as a lever to exert control over you for the next few years you are in school. You may want to do some research ahead of time so you are prepared to handle that sort of strong-arm tactic if used by your parents:
http://www.fastweb.com/financial-aid/art...or-college
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13-04-2015, 08:40 PM
RE: How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
(13-04-2015 03:59 PM)chibigiraffe Wrote:  They say and believe a lot of hurtful, slanderous things about gay people and nonbelievers like myself. I really can't understand how they don't see they are hurting my feelings.

It almost sounds like they are attempting to do the "tough love" thing. I agree with Minimalist that they probably don't care that they are hurting you. Unfortunately, there are way too many people out there who would rather lie and berate to people to get them to believe. To some, the ends justify the means. If you are able to, get out and proceed with the ultimatum that if they can't respect you, they will lose you. Don't let a bunch of ignorant, disrespectful pricks get in the way of your happiness. Shame on them. I am the father of 3 boys and I can't imagine ever treating them like this.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
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13-04-2015, 11:50 PM
RE: How do I confront homophobic fundamentalist christian family members....
Quote:(maybe easier said than done...)


Piece of cake in comparison to changing the opinions of fanatical jesus freaks, though.



Quote:i'm really starting to agree with this statement, even though i really don't want it to be true.


Of course you don't. That's why you aren't one of them.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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