How do I deal with shame and guilt?
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30-07-2012, 06:54 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
(30-07-2012 06:01 AM)Filox Wrote:  DLJ, it is not your real name, it is just 3 letters. It may be the first 3 letters of your real name, but I could never in a million years guess what your name is. You also say this is your picture, but why would I believe you, it can be anyone's picture...

See where I'm going with this one?

Tongue

Point taken.
So now I have to prove that I exist?
Ok. There is a 2000 year-old story... no... wait.

DLJ is embroidered on my shirts and it's my name on my business cards.
And this --> http://www.pdatrain.com.sg/david_jones.php
Also, Earmuffs has seen me in person.

Therefore I exist.

Or do I?

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30-07-2012, 08:44 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
Davy Jones? Thought you just died, man?
Shit ... we all used to have such a crush on you. Wink

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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30-07-2012, 09:15 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
For the record, I think the emotion you're feeling might be better named as embarrassment, rather than guilt or shame. I mean, I can't tell you what you're feeling, but it seems to me the response you had was what anyone would feel after doing something silly. So what? Like Dieljay said, buck up and laugh at yourself about it. Put it on your top ten list of most embarrassing things you've done. In the 5th grade, I showed Annie Snyder my peepee under the condition she would show me whatever she had. The bitch didn't follow thru AND told her little friends on the playground. Talk about embarrassing! At least no one you really know knows you did it. BFD. Life goes on and you'll embarrass yourself again next week.

Filox, you mean that's not really you in your avatar? I'm bummed now. Sad


Oh, and back to OP. At least your name isn't Llewellyn. Can you imagine the embarrassment you'd be feeling then???

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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30-07-2012, 09:36 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
(30-07-2012 08:44 AM)kim Wrote:  Davy Jones? Thought you just died, man?
Shit ... we all used to have such a crush on you. Wink

It's not too late, babe *cheesey wink*. Believe in your daydream.

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30-07-2012, 09:42 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
(30-07-2012 09:15 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  For the record, I think the emotion you're feeling might be better named as embarrassment, rather than guilt or shame. I mean, I can't tell you what you're feeling, but it seems to me the response you had was what anyone would feel after doing something silly. So what? Like Dieljay said, buck up and laugh at yourself about it. Put it on your top ten list of most embarrassing things you've done. In the 5th grade, I showed Annie Snyder my peepee under the condition she would show me whatever she had. The bitch didn't follow thru AND told her little friends on the playground. Talk about embarrassing! At least no one you really know knows you did it. BFD. Life goes on and you'll embarrass yourself again next week.

Filox, you mean that's not really you in your avatar? I'm bummed now. Sad


Oh, and back to OP. At least your name isn't Llewellyn. Can you imagine the embarrassment you'd be feeling then???

But the point is to learn from the embarrassment cos if you are still doing it when you get to Erx's age you'll be labelled a perv, like him, and put on a register.

Erx,
Got a problem with Celtic names? That's fightin' talk!

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30-07-2012, 09:46 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
(30-07-2012 09:15 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  Talk about embarrassing! At least no one you really know knows you did it.

Uh... well. Ok. I didn't want to mention this before... I thought it might add panic to the situation, but ... it's the interwebz.

Pulling off your clothing in front of your cam, and the person on the other end is watching; really? As I said before; you don't know people on the internet; you don't. Maybe they are also recording? Webcam/recording - seriously? HELL YEA! Thumbsup

Don't lay out on the table whatever you are unwilling to let everyone see, and I do mean everyone. Don't worry 'bout it. Like the guys are telling ya - suck it up. You'll have the rest of your life to further embarrass yourself silly.

Remember, you haven't even been to college yet! Shocking After the first couple years of that, you'll be wishing for amnesia.

Now go out there and have fun! And maybe do some push ups or something. Dodgy

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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30-07-2012, 09:59 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
You may want to look into the Neurophysiology and release of Cortisol, in the shame and embarrassment response. It's directly causing your symptoms, and will decrease, in a fairly predictable way, as circulating Cortisol, (a hormone), decreases over time.

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.11...ated=false

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein (That's a JOKE, ya idiot)
"And you quit footing the bill for these nations that are oil rich - we're paying for some of their *squirmishes* that have been going on for centuries" - Sarah Palin
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30-07-2012, 10:56 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
People feel shame and guilt for various reasons based on their personal morality and insecurities. Personally I prefer to deal with both head on. If I've wronged someone I want to talk to them about it and work it out, and apologize- and hopefully learn from the situation. If I've done something I feel shame for, then if I can fix it I prefer to. If it's not something I can fix or undo, then it's time to just accept that I've done this thing and move on.

Also it's often worthwhile to analyze why you feel guilt or shame for some things and determine if it's justified. Look at what's reasonable to feel guilty or shameful for. Coming from a religious background, I think you'll find a lot of things that you feel guilt for are unreasonable and some things that you really should feel guilty for you've already taught yourself to ignore.

Having a Jesus to "give it up to" means that you don't ever have to really address problems head on. You can ask the invisible silent man for his forgiveness, assume you're forgiven, and then forget about it. This includes treating other people like shit. Why apologize? You've already been forgiven by the only one the matters- God.

Not only that but the things you've been taught about the shame involved in sex and your body are probably almost entirely wrong.

Not all religious people are like this, but I've encountered enough of it that I know it's frequent.
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30-07-2012, 11:09 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
(30-07-2012 10:56 AM)kineo Wrote:  Not only that but the things you've been taught about the shame involved in sex and your body are probably almost entirely wrong.

^^ Now that I think about it, *this* particular aspect of Christianity has fucked me on so many levels it's not even funny Confused
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30-07-2012, 11:25 AM
RE: How do I deal with shame and guilt?
(30-07-2012 11:09 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(30-07-2012 10:56 AM)kineo Wrote:  Not only that but the things you've been taught about the shame involved in sex and your body are probably almost entirely wrong.

^^ Now that I think about it, *this* particular aspect of Christianity has fucked me on so many levels it's not even funny Confused

Amen, Brother. Weeping

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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