How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
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13-11-2015, 11:43 AM
RE: How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
I am very close to my grandparents and I won't tell them. Ever. A) it's bone of their business and B) it would break their hearts. It's simply not worth it.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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13-11-2015, 12:18 PM
RE: How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
The best advise i think I've heard was from Matt Diallhanty. Summing it up.

Ease into it. You don't need to sit them down. and Say Mom Dad...I'm an Atheist. Instead be the person you've always been. Be helpful, kind, have fun with them. If a subject comes up that you have an opinion on state it. You don't need to go into a large tangent over how their praying offends you. Eventually they'll figure it out and may take it easier that way then slapping them in the face. Because then it becomes a us verse them.

A short comparision. I have a few friends that love praying for people. LOVE IT! One guy I know thinks everything is a fucking blessing. I've never had one converstaion with him in the 2 years i've known him without him say how blessed he is. I invite him and his wife over for dinners, board games, we've even part in each others weddings. He has no idea i'm an athiest. I think if he did his mind would explode. We define people upon actions. As soon as a labal is brought up we attach the stario type to that. All the kind things we done together would be completly thrown out the window if he heard that label. Him saying how bless he is doesn't effect me in the least. He has the right to say and belive what he dose. I have no conversations on religoin with him even when pushed. His wife and my wife have been long time friends. I know if they found out I was a unbeliever they would distance themselves from me, and may even my wife. I don't wish to brake up her relationship so i bight my tongue.

However I have talked about the religious subject with my brothers. Only to find out my youngest is an atheist, and my younger is a fence sitter. We've lived threw many if not all the same life experinces together so we enjoy the fact we can be so forth right with each other. And joke about our parents together.

You have to feel the playing field. No one will be able to tell a you a definitive answer. You know the people you know better then we ever could. Athiesim isn't an action, it's a thought.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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17-11-2015, 04:06 PM
RE: How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
(12-11-2015 04:55 PM)Adrianime Wrote:  The only person I worry about finding out I am an atheist is my grandma. I know she is religious, and I don't want to argue with her as she has always been a strong authoritative figure in my life. My other family should know I'm an atheist, but it's not like I have a reason to talk about it, so maybe they don't. Except my little bro who is also atheist.

I can't give good advice as wasn't raised religious, but I will say... First and foremost if you aren't independent think strongly before you do it. Secondly consider these three things:
-How much will it hurt them if they know?
-How differently will they treat you if they know?
-If they do treat you differently or negatively...how worth it is it to have them in your life if they are the type of people who would treat you negatively because you aren't in their club?

That last point is important to me..because personally I can handle it if somebody chooses to basically be a bad friend/sibling/cousin...I can just say "bye felicia." Cuz I don't need that crap in my life. Blood isn't a free pass to be a bad person towards me. And if I have to lie just to keep you from being a bad person towards me then I don't know if you are a person worth keeping around.

You make a great point with that last one. I'm sure that if I did tell them they wouldn't oust me out of their lives, but they would be constantly extremely worried about me. And I just don't know if that's worth it.
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17-11-2015, 04:08 PM
RE: How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
(11-11-2015 08:05 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  When people pray or that kind of thing, I bow my head and think about something pleasant...like puppies or kittens.

Seriously it works.

If they ask me to church, I just politely beg off -- I have a list of excuses.

When my extended family brought religion up, I just excused myself. I'd rather help clean a kitchen than listen to that.

Luckily I haven't had to deal with prayer yet. I haven't had to sit around a table where everyone is praying and I'm just there...awkwardly. But I feel like it will happen soon, especially with the holidays coming around.
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17-11-2015, 04:09 PM
RE: How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
(11-11-2015 08:19 PM)izel Wrote:  I am in a very same situation. My family doesn't know that I have completely parted my ways with god. They do see that I do not use words as Inshallah or Amin as I did before, and few times god subject has come and I just don't talk about it. they think I'm going through a phase. My mom even suggested that we go to a mullah or Hoca to read Yasin for me Laugh out load (Yasin is considered the heart of quran) I don't come out as full atheist because I know for a fact my family will be worried about me. So, spare them the pain and keep it to your self if you can.

That's exactly what I think I'm going to do. I like to be an honest person, but sometimes the truth does more destruction than a lie will.
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17-11-2015, 04:24 PM
RE: How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
Similarly, I will not clue my grandparents in on not buying it. I don't see them that often, so it's not that big of a deal. It would be tough if you see your family often...

A man should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. -Ferris Bueller

That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom. -Jack Sparrow
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21-11-2015, 11:08 PM
RE: How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
(11-11-2015 04:20 PM)xastrogasmx Wrote:  So a few months back I realized that I no longer believed in god, and that I was using it as a security blanket so I decided to rip it off. Fast forward I'm now here, and I do consider myself to be an atheist. My grandparents however, are strong Christians. They don't doubt their faith one bit, and they can be pretty old fashioned sometimes. I'm very close to them, and they have done so many great things for me. But I refuse to tell them that I'm an atheist. I'm pretty sure that would break their heart, I just can't do that to them. But I can't help but feel awkward when they say they're praying for me, or when they ask if I still believe in god. If I'm still leading a Christian lifestyle. Sometimes I get tongue tied and I don't know how to respond. I hate lying to them, but I know that sometimes the truth is a lot worse. Has anyone else gone through this? Any advice?HuhHuh

I'm in the exact same situation and it's honestly nerve wracking. They're also very anti-gay, having said some pretty disturbing things on the matter, and it makes me worry how they might react if I ever revealed my loss of faith to them. I don't think they'd disown me, but I don't have it in me to find out because I'm so close to them. It's trying.

I hope you find a healthy balance.

"High moral character is not a precondition for great moral accomplishments." - Christopher Hitchens

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27-11-2015, 04:45 PM
RE: How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
If family is praying for us then why not say "thank you, you're the best." People love to be told that, it's reassuring.
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02-12-2015, 07:07 PM
How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
I'm in the same situation. I hate having to pretend to be something I'm not but I couldn't tell them I don't believe in God. I'm not sure of any advice. Maybe just keep it to yourself along as you can. If you're good at acting hide your emotions. You never know who can read your facial expressions or your emotions.
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26-12-2015, 08:04 AM
RE: How do I handle being an atheist, and pretending I haven't lost faith, around family?
Just like others have said. You have to decide what is more important maintain these relationships or maintain honesty and come out. With me I hid it for awhile but I couldn't live a lie anymore. I hurt people that I love from coming out but I feel much better not hiding it anymore.
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