How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
08-12-2015, 09:16 AM
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
(07-12-2015 11:16 PM)xastrogasmx Wrote:  
(07-12-2015 10:39 PM)Banjo Wrote:  Another thing to consider is, how many other children has this man assaulted. The OP has a civic duty to report the actions of this criminal.

Just take a friend with you to the police station. I am sure you must have someone who is close. Or simply phone them and they will come around.

If not, the police will provide counselling.

To be honest what's holding me back is that I don't want my mother to hate me. Even though I'm afraid for my younger brother, I also know that my brother loves him. And I feel bad for taking that away. I'm also afraid going to the cops will severely backfire on me.

It won't backfire on you--the police take cases of abuse very seriously. If you think your brother is also being abused, that is not a safe place for him to be living.

Your mom hasn't cared about your feelings or your hurt--I wouldn't worry about upsetting her or her emotions at this point. I would worry about your little brother.

You deserve to have a nice life and to put all of this behind you. I know in your post you mentioned that your step father ruined your life--and he did for a good part of it--but you don't have to continue to be a victim. You can still take back your life and live a happy life without this hanging over your head. I really think you should talk to a professional to help you with all of this because I am sure there is a lot of hurt from what happened to you. You deserve to be happy.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like jennybee's post
08-12-2015, 09:52 AM
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
Your mother may have a form of Stockholm syndrome.

I had a good friend that went threw the same thing. His girl would slap him around, use him for money, cheat on him and brag about it. They "break up" then get back together the next day. It was pitiful. It's a long story but it ended our close friendship because failed to see the toxic relationship that he as in. It happened when i desided to throw my hands up and say I give up, do what you feel is right. Years past, and she wound up taking him for all he was worth. Left him bankrupt, and once the money dried up she left him. Last I heard he's living in the bottom of a bottle, penniless.

I don't know the train of thought one has to be to be stuck in that situation. To hear what sort of actions a man like that has done to my child and turn a blinds eye to it. But what type of abuses that may be avoided if such a man would have to answer for his crimes?

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Commonsensei's post
08-12-2015, 10:22 AM
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
(08-12-2015 09:52 AM)Commonsensei Wrote:  Your mother may have a form of Stockholm syndrome.

Yep.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
08-12-2015, 11:19 AM (This post was last modified: 08-12-2015 02:19 PM by Iñigo.)
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
It is hard for me to believe that the last time he hit you was the only time it left a mark for your mom to see. If your mom was seeing signs of physical abuse all along, but then just ignored them, then you should clearly have issues with your mother. My guess is that the emotional abuse was out in front of your mom and that raises another red flag. The last red flag is that she didn't believe you when you told her about the sexual abuse. As I see it, the red flags are there because one of the responsibilities of a parent should be to provide a safe environment for one's children. Your mom at least in part consciously failed at this and in the end she chose herself and him over you. She has failed you as a mother. You owe her nothing.

I am sorry if I sound so crass, but when I imagine an abused 10 year old girl in tears and with no one to turn to, it just makes my blood boil. I truly wish you the best and that you find the love and tenderness that you deserve.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Iñigo's post
08-12-2015, 03:02 PM
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
(07-12-2015 11:16 PM)xastrogasmx Wrote:  To be honest what's holding me back is that I don't want my mother to hate me.

Sorry to be brutal, but it's obvious that she has no respect or consideration for you now - or SHE would have reported him.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Thinkerbelle's post
08-12-2015, 03:44 PM
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
(08-12-2015 09:52 AM)Commonsensei Wrote:  But what type of abuses that may be avoided if such a man would have to answer for his crimes?

As I keep repeating. This man is a criminal. How many victims is unknown. He should be in gaol.

All the touchy feely crap is getting to me and I have little respect for it. You want to get some closure? Put this man behind bars.

As I also stated you have a civic duty to protect others and a family duty to protect your younger brother.

Then get counselling.

Good luck.

(If I sound harsh, I am. However I feel very strong chemo brain this morning. So whether you take my advice or not is up to you.)

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
08-12-2015, 03:46 PM
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
Have you talked to any professionals about it? I assume you have. If not it would be a good start. Forgiveness is not for him. It is for you. By forgiving someone it means that you let go and move on. However forgiveness does not mean that those you forgive are free from the consequences of their actions. I don't know how old you were when he molested you but you have to understand that there is no statute of limitations on child molestation. YOU NEED TO CONTACT THE POLICE AND REPORT HIM. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE OUTCOME. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS HIS. You are the victim. I hope the relationship with you and your mom and brother remain strong. But if that relationship is damaged, it is because he molested you. Not because you reported him.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like jason_delisle's post
08-12-2015, 03:49 PM
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
(08-12-2015 10:22 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(08-12-2015 09:52 AM)Commonsensei Wrote:  Your mother may have a form of Stockholm syndrome.

Yep.

Or is too selfish and is scared of being alone. At her children's expense.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Banjo's post
08-12-2015, 06:14 PM
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
(08-12-2015 03:49 PM)Banjo Wrote:  
(08-12-2015 10:22 AM)Dom Wrote:  Yep.

Or is too selfish and is scared of being alone. At her children's expense.

Stockholm syndrome does sound likely, but I honestly feel like she's actually afraid to be alone, even though it means that our relationship will be strained. I feel like she's afraid that if she leaves my step dad and then this news comes out, people will look at her differently. She's all about her reputation and how people view her, even if that means I end up harmed in the process.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
08-12-2015, 06:17 PM
RE: How do I learn to forgive my mother for staying with the man that ruined my life?
(08-12-2015 03:46 PM)jason_delisle Wrote:  Have you talked to any professionals about it? I assume you have. If not it would be a good start. Forgiveness is not for him. It is for you. By forgiving someone it means that you let go and move on. However forgiveness does not mean that those you forgive are free from the consequences of their actions. I don't know how old you were when he molested you but you have to understand that there is no statute of limitations on child molestation. YOU NEED TO CONTACT THE POLICE AND REPORT HIM. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE OUTCOME. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. IT IS HIS. You are the victim. I hope the relationship with you and your mom and brother remain strong. But if that relationship is damaged, it is because he molested you. Not because you reported him.

It's a very scary thing to get the law involved as I'm sure you know, but this needs to happen. And everyone is right on here about me going to the police. I feel like I will get some sort of peace out of that. I mean I am afraid that I will lose my mother, but if she's going to be that selfish then she doesn't really deserve to have a relationship with me anyway.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like xastrogasmx's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: