How do I make new friends?
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07-12-2015, 11:10 AM
RE: How do I make new friends?
(07-12-2015 02:55 AM)jesusimsowry Wrote:  So, as I age, I find people falling out of my life at an increased rate. Sometimes for good reasons, and sometimes for not so good reasons. I suppose that's something that happens in your twenties. To make matters worse, I'm not really sure if I'm the one driving them away (and if so, how I'm doing it).

Leaving this town would be ideal, but I have children here, among other factors that make it difficult for me to leave. What I need right now more than anything is someone who will visit me. Someone to kick it with and have deep discussions with. Someone to give me a hug. I'm not quite the gregarious individual, so the bar scene isn't exactly my forte. On top of that, there are no meetups of anything but churches. There must be something I haven't thought of, though. If anyone has any helpful advice, lend it to me. I'm at a loss right now, really. Much appreciation! ^-^

You are young. My advice is to not look for people to fill you, but look within yourself to make your own happiness first. It does you no good to have others around you just to have them around you.

I can speak on this because growing up I tried too hard to fit in and tried too hard to get others to like me. It is better to be alone and find your own happiness than it is to try to conform to others.

I am 49 now, I have only 2 very close online friends and a mother who still is my biggest supporter. I live in a small town and outside football, I have nothing in common with those around me. My friendships are on line and real, and I spend lots of time with my mom too. I don't feel the need to go out even to bars, because my experience has been far too much of the time I get offered a ride from someone who I know had too much.

Nobody likes feeling lonely, but it is not good to dwell on having a relationship, friend or otherwise, just to have one. Be you first, work on you first, find something you like even as a hobby for you. The people who value you for you will stick around.

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
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07-12-2015, 11:48 AM
RE: How do I make new friends?
Whatever you do... Don't ask any questions about the holocaust... People get really butt hurt about that, and will assume you're a denier for really no apparent reason. In general, it's good to avoid seeming like a conspiracy theorist.

Also, while all the suggestions for a local atheist group are nice, maybe you have greater interests than just the lack of gods? For example, recently, a good friend of mine, who's an agnostic atheist, decided to go full retard, and started preaching about a flat earth... So, now I'm checking out local star parties, to find some astronomers. It turns out, I'm far more annoyed with flat earthers than I am with the average theist.
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07-12-2015, 05:45 PM
RE: How do I make new friends?
I can't tell if you are actually in your twenties, or if you are just experiencing what you think happens to most people in their twenties.

Anyways, what I have experienced is that people basically start living their own life and doing less and less stuff outside of their normal activities as they age. Particularly when people get their own place they tend to just want to be at their own place. It's tough getting my friends who work to want to do anything after work aside from going home. I'm kind of the same. I love having people visit, but I never feel a strong desire to visit other people. What I do is usually try to invite over 1-2 friends to my place each week. Maybe once a month I'll get an invite over to a friend's

My point kind of got lost in all that...and it is that you've got to reach out to people to keep them in your life. A directed "hey, I want to spend time with you specifically" to a person helps maintain relationships (for me, at least). Otherwise, without throwing out a line every once in a while, people can get so easily lost in their own lives that they can drift away. You might think, "well why should I be the one who does all the work?" Which is a valid question. But I do whatever makes me happy. I'd advise you to do the same.

As for how to meet new people. I'm not great at that, but I did attend some meetup.com events for atheism and anime, and it was really fun. I just found that my laziness and overall aversion to large social gatherings are more influential than my desire to have buddies who share my exact interests. I should go again...but I feel pretty happy about things without it right now.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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07-12-2015, 06:04 PM
RE: How do I make new friends?
Welcome aboard!
I've made some rather good friends with people I've worked with over the years.
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09-12-2015, 02:23 AM
RE: How do I make new friends?
Thanks for all of the replies! I couldn't possibly reply to them, but I truly appreciate all of the feedback.
So I'll address some of the issues surrounding me and some of the suggestions.

First off, (hopefully this doesn't get me trolled) I'm a juvenile sex offender, meaning that when I was a kid, I committed a sex offense that put me on the radar for life. (I used religion at the time as a way to shift some of the responsibility on God, which is part of the reason why I can't stand religion)...

So volunteer work, or anything of the like is completely out of the question for me. Regrettably so, though. I feel the best when I'm helping people. Possibly as a sub-concious atonement for what I feel was the damage I caused someone and the debt I owe society as a whole.

Secondly, I'm 26, and due to the previously mentioned reason, have no education past highschool, and a shitty job. Both of my children are from different mothers which also complicates things.

Lastly, there are literally no meetups of any kind that I would be interested in attending within 50 miles. My vehicle isn't so dependable, you see. I've attempted to organize a local non-believer group, which ended in trolling and died with a sputter.

Taking up a new hobby is something that I hadn't seriously considered before. I'm not really even sure where to start apart from the internet or a civics center as someone mentioned. Having the initiative and the time to do so is like a balancing act for me (I work second shift).

I'll contend, however, that the internet is a good place for company. I've met some great fucking people. But they don't fill that void for a physical presence... Or at least they haven't yet. I won't say I'm completely happy with my life, but I'm managing to keep my head above water. While surviving and keeping my own company is what I've been doing, my lack of social contact contributes to my bouts with depression, in which I really need someone by my side. I'm not trying to talk in circles, but I'm pretty sure my brain is round and I have my head shoved up my own ass most of the time. Call me the human oroborous. Ughhh
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10-12-2015, 09:01 AM
RE: How do I make new friends?
Juvenile sex offenders in Ohio will no longer be required to register as sex offenders for life, the state’s Supreme Court ruled last week. The 5-2 decision ruled the lifetime requirement is cruel and unusual punishment, reigniting a national debate on how young people convicted of certain sexual offenses should fare under the criminal justice system.

The majority opinion found certain parts of the Ohio Adam Walsh Act enacted in 2008 unconstitutional.

Ruling

I'd start looking into this ASAP. If I recall correctly, there's quite a lengthy waiting period, but 15 - 20 years beats "for life."

Then start looking for a new non-shitty job, even if you have to start out at the shitty bottom. There's a difference between being a dishwasher at Denny's and a dishwasher at the Marriott in terms of possibilities for advancement.

If you cannot volunteer with the Boy Scouts or the volleyball team, consider stopping in at the local library or senior center. They might need a few odd repairs made or heavy objects moved or walls painted or floors scrubbed. That would be immensely helpful to them, even if you're not directly dealing with herds of people. Also gets your foot in the door.

Go get 'em, cause they sure ain't coming to knock on your door if they don't know you exist.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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10-12-2015, 09:52 AM
RE: How do I make new friends?
You could take up an instrument, like guitar or piano or drums or something if you're interested in music. You could make some friends in the music scene I would guess.

A man should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. -Ferris Bueller

That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom. -Jack Sparrow
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10-12-2015, 07:57 PM (This post was last modified: 10-12-2015 08:05 PM by Aliza.)
RE: How do I make new friends?
Try meetup.com. It's a site that gets people with similar interests together. When you sign up, you should find lots of groups in your area that you can join and attend meetings and events.

*Edit* I see that this idea was already mentioned. I hope you find another avenue to make friends.
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11-12-2015, 04:49 PM
RE: How do I make new friends?
(10-12-2015 09:01 AM)Thinkerbelle Wrote:  Juvenile sex offenders in Ohio will no longer be required to register as sex offenders for life, the state’s Supreme Court ruled last week. The 5-2 decision ruled the lifetime requirement is cruel and unusual punishment, reigniting a national debate on how young people convicted of certain sexual offenses should fare under the criminal justice system.

The majority opinion found certain parts of the Ohio Adam Walsh Act enacted in 2008 unconstitutional.

Ruling

I'd start looking into this ASAP. If I recall correctly, there's quite a lengthy waiting period, but 15 - 20 years beats "for life."

Then start looking for a new non-shitty job, even if you have to start out at the shitty bottom. There's a difference between being a dishwasher at Denny's and a dishwasher at the Marriott in terms of possibilities for advancement.

If you cannot volunteer with the Boy Scouts or the volleyball team, consider stopping in at the local library or senior center. They might need a few odd repairs made or heavy objects moved or walls painted or floors scrubbed. That would be immensely helpful to them, even if you're not directly dealing with herds of people. Also gets your foot in the door.

Go get 'em, cause they sure ain't coming to knock on your door if they don't know you exist.

This enters into some legal territory that I haven't explored for a while.
So, this is covered under the Adam Walsh act. Here's the catch, I'm pre Adam Walsh. Which means I'm technically grandfathered into the old law called Megans law.

I wish there were some way to change that, but I've pretty much given up at this point.
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