How do I put this...
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13-07-2012, 01:13 PM
RE: How do I put this...
Quote:You may want to read Kingdom of the cults. It is a religious Christian
book. But it shows what they believe and how it strays from reality.
I'll try to find the book. More for personal reading, since my folks don't accept any other doctrines but their own.

Quote: In my 20's: Mom, how can you be so stupid?

In my 30's: Mom, why do you even bother?

In my 40's: Meh ... whatever.

Heading into my 50's: Love you too Mom. [Image: heart.gif]
Mine so far looks like this:

In my teens: Mom, Da, why do I not want to go to meetings anymore?
In my 20's : why can you be so cruel? -to- no contact except emergencies

I want to get to the 'Why do you even bother?' (which I had at one point) and 'Meh... whatever' and I do love them, I just don't like them.

I don't really get to say what's on my mind with them. With my dad it started out that he had the problem with the word 'hanging out' I used. It quickly went into the 'don't call me unless it's an emergency'. With my mom, it's more of a 'I can't talk with you until you go to meetings'.
Quote: If you can manage a while longer just start slipping more things into your responses.
I've been at that point, several times. When the relationship turned into 'we want you to come back', that was when I would say 'but I'm not, and never will.' I sent out the 'Nut allergy example' email to them. Currently waiting for a reply. It's a big step back from raising their shield. If it hasn't already been raised. If anyone wants to see the contents of my nut allergy example, I will be posting a new thread about it.

My computer is farking up a lot and shutting down, so I'm responding in batches. Sorry! Confused Blush

CTS
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13-07-2012, 05:26 PM
RE: How do I put this...
Going through a similar situation myself right now, but all I can tell you is that after a year in my shoes, things have gotten... liveable. There will always be some sort of strain, but over time I would like to think that they will come around to tolerance. For now, I would say enjoy your life outside of them, but once a week or so, send a friendly text or call just for a few minutes say you're checking in and that you love them. Keep it short and sweet. That is what I did and it has seemed to workout pretty well. There is a flare up every now and then, but not too much.

I feel for you buddy. I believe this is something that every "deconverted" individual has to go through at some point. It will make you stronger in the end. The fact that you can love and tolerate your family even if they don't return it... don't know if there is a bigger version of the high road than that. You know them more than we do, you know how they will react to whatever you send them. But I would hold off. Keep the peace. Over time they will either wean towards you, or things will stay the same. It all depends on how much you want to deal with.

If you choose to try and debunk the JW faith to them, they most likely will stop reading whatever you send. I have studied with several Witnesses and as soon as you make it clear that you have a solid grasp on a different way of thinking, they will turn away and not listen. Not saying your parents will do the same, but it has been my experience with random Witnesses. If you want or need help in putting together reasons the Witnesses are wrong, I'm sure anyone of us, myself included, would be willing to do so. But you have to decide what you want to do first, and if your asking our opinion, I have already stated specifics in the above paragraphs. Let us know what you need friend.

Best of luck to you.

And yet another interesting topic I am not interested in.
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13-07-2012, 09:09 PM
RE: How do I put this...
Thanks ALJ! The spectrum of the situation goes from color straight into UV. It's a whirlwind of past mindset and present one, and should be counted as exercise. All that's left is time. Time to focus on myself during that time. That journey is uncharted territory for the most part. Of all the times I forgot to bring a farking flashlight...
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13-07-2012, 11:49 PM
RE: How do I put this...
Losing family sucks, and it might truly be the worst thing to happen to you when you come to terms, and accept, until shown otherwise, the reality of the world, and everything that pertains to it.

I know from expierence what's its like to lose a loved one, and still live with that loved one. To be casually looked at as a disgrace. She won't say it to my face directly, but I wish she did, talking is much better than the silence I have to endure when I encounter my adopted mom.

Not to be mean to my mom, but her family status has weakened, and I needed something, somebody to fill the void. When I called into The Thinking Atheist Podcast to share my story, I was on that journey, and it lead me back here.

Not to sound cliche,and I often do, but this community is my new family, I have found new and awesome people here ( As well as a few dicks....Egor), and I have found that I can discuss, laugh, feel sad, and other such things on this forum as well. Personally, I am glad the theory of evolution is true, because I am glad that I am, in some small way, related to ALL of you guys! Thanks for being my new family


I am not saying that you should adopt this position as your own, but it is my simple saying that, if the people you call family can't accept you as a person with their own beliefs, opinions, and such, then they aren't the family you need, nor the family you should want.

If coming back to them requires you believe in a flasehood, don't go back, stay with the truth, and meet people that don't have that, in my view, despicable requirement.

I'm glad you shared, and I am more than happy to lend my ear, and even more so happy to admit you into my "surrogate" family; which is just as real as the one that birthed me.

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Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
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19-07-2012, 04:29 PM
RE: How do I put this...




Wow, to think I'm going back to an album I listened to years ago when I was first kicked out of the Witnesses.

Let the detox commence!

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19-07-2012, 05:09 PM
RE: How do I put this...
CTS,

I agree with the others who suspect you are not going to fix this. I suggest that you try to accept this situation as is, like you would if they had a disease (which essentially they do) and just try to get whatever you can from the situation that is good for you. I think it always helps to "give yourself a voice" by writing to them what you're really feeling (like maybe you love them and want to have a relationship with them, but you'll never be re/joining the witnesses). Perhaps ask if you could just meet for lunch once a week/month/year whatever at a public restaurant. If they refuse your offer then at least you were upfront about what you wanted from the relationship and it's on them to make a move.

Whenever you find this much unhappiness, there's always religion behind it.
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19-07-2012, 05:14 PM (This post was last modified: 19-07-2012 05:31 PM by FSM_scot.)
RE That's harsh dude
(13-07-2012 01:13 PM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  Shocking
Quote:You may want to read Kingdom of the cults. It is a religious Christian
book. But it shows what they believe and how it strays from reality.
I'll try to find the book. More for personal reading, since my folks don't accept any other doctrines but their own.

Quote: In my 20's: Mom, how can you be so stupid?

In my 30's: Mom, why do you even bother?

In my 40's: Meh ... whatever.

Heading into my 50's: Love you too Mom. [Image: heart.gif]
Mine so far looks like this:

In my teens: Mom, Da, why do I not want to go to meetings anymore?
In my 20's : why can you be so cruel? -to- no contact except emergencies

I want to get to the 'Why do you even bother?' (which I had at one point) and 'Meh... whatever' and I do love them, I just don't like them.

I don't really get to say what's on my mind with them. With my dad it started out that he had the problem with the word 'hanging out' I used. It quickly went into the 'don't call me unless it's an emergency'. With my mom, it's more of a 'I can't talk with you until you go to meetings'.
Quote: If you can manage a while longer just start slipping more things into your responses.
I've been at that point, several times. When the relationship turned into 'we want you to come back', that was when I would say 'but I'm not, and never will.' I sent out the 'Nut allergy example' email to them. Currently waiting for a reply. It's a big step back from raising their shield. If it hasn't already been raised. If anyone wants to see the contents of my nut allergy example, I will be posting a new thread about it.

My computer is farking up a lot and shutting down, so I'm responding in batches. Sorry! Confused Blush

CTS
Wow, I'm fairly new to this forum here, but I did read some of your story and I must say that even though I don't have a working knowledge of the witnesses( raised christian/baptist originally ), it sounds to me that you might be better off with the truth you're discovering right now. Like many of you here, I suspect, I too was raised in the 'church' so to speak,but as I have gotten older and, I hope, a little wiser, I have come to embrace a different truth. I guess being a free thinker always left me curious about how the teachings of the bible( a 6000 yr old book by most estimates ) didn't seem to make a whole lotta sense. So I guess I gravitated towards evolution and science and reality. So I think you might be better off, at least more stress free, safe in the knowledge of your own personal truth. I'm not sure this helps, but as someone who has also cut off half his family ( as some of the others have) if your parents won't at least respect your wishes, you might be better off without them.[/quote][quote='cheapthrillseaker' pid='136461' dateline='1342206834']
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19-07-2012, 05:42 PM
RE: RE That's harsh dude
(19-07-2012 05:14 PM)The groover 86 Wrote:  
(13-07-2012 01:13 PM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  Shocking
I'll try to find the book. More for personal reading, since my folks don't accept any other doctrines but their own.

Mine so far looks like this:

In my teens: Mom, Da, why do I not want to go to meetings anymore?
In my 20's : why can you be so cruel? -to- no contact except emergencies

I want to get to the 'Why do you even bother?' (which I had at one point) and 'Meh... whatever' and I do love them, I just don't like them.

I don't really get to say what's on my mind with them. With my dad it started out that he had the problem with the word 'hanging out' I used. It quickly went into the 'don't call me unless it's an emergency'. With my mom, it's more of a 'I can't talk with you until you go to meetings'.
I've been at that point, several times. When the relationship turned into 'we want you to come back', that was when I would say 'but I'm not, and never will.' I sent out the 'Nut allergy example' email to them. Currently waiting for a reply. It's a big step back from raising their shield. If it hasn't already been raised. If anyone wants to see the contents of my nut allergy example, I will be posting a new thread about it.

My computer is farking up a lot and shutting down, so I'm responding in batches. Sorry! Confused Blush

CTS
Wow, I'm fairly new to this forum here, but I did read some of your story and I must say that even though I don't have a working knowledge of the witnesses( raised christian/baptist originally ), it sounds to me that you might be better off with the truth you're discovering right now. Like many of you here, I suspect, I too was raised in the 'church' so to speak,but as I have gotten older and, I hope, a little wiser, I have come to embrace a different truth. I guess being a free thinker always left me curious about how the teachings of the bible( a 6000 yr old book by most estimates ) didn't seem to make a whole lotta sense. So I guess I gravitated towards evolution and science and reality. So I think you might be better off, at least more stress free, safe in the knowledge of your own personal truth. I'm not sure this helps, but as someone who has also cut off half his family ( as some of the others have) if your parents won't at least respect your wishes, you might be better off without them.
It does help! Thankies!

We didn't have the same religious background but the eight ball says 'outlook good' for me following in your steps. I just hope this transition doesn't kill my brain.

To y'all else who are kind posting on this thread, thank you as well. It's appreciated!

[Image: pinky_brain.jpg?w=460]

NARF!

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19-07-2012, 09:12 PM
RE: How do I put this...
There is no greater pain than the rejection of your own parents.
With your mother there is an emotional bond like none you will have with any other person, not even a spouse. She knows this too.
The ony thing that helps is to stay busy with things that interest you. Pressing the matter too hard usually does more harm than good.
Time will need to pass.

The old gods are dead, let's invent some new ones before something really bad happens.
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19-07-2012, 09:39 PM (This post was last modified: 19-07-2012 09:45 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: How do I put this...
(13-07-2012 01:13 PM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  I want to get to the 'Why do you even bother?' (which I had at one point) and 'Meh... whatever' and I do love them, I just don't like them.

I don't really get to say what's on my mind with them.

The fuck you say? They ain't got no prayer of getting to the "Meh... whatever" point, they ain't capable. As long as you're there everything works out. ... In my experience at least.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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