How do i deal with family?
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27-01-2013, 11:50 PM
Lightbulb How do i deal with family?
Weeping I'm very worried have any one told they family and friends they are atheist and how did it go ,should i tell them or keep lying to them and myself ?

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28-01-2013, 12:23 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
Have a look in the Atheism / Theism section ... there are many stories.

Here's an example but there are many threads of members' experiences...
http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...ring-faith

I didn't have to do it so I'm not qualified to offer advice.


I confess I am curious as to why this topic belonged in the Entertainment section of the forum.
Rolleyes

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28-01-2013, 12:28 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
I posted it here by mistake .

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28-01-2013, 01:24 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
I came out as an open atheist when I was still in high school, although my family probably knew well before that. I know to this day it bothers my grandmother and she tries to get me to go back to religion. It is hard to go back to something that I was never really a part of. I think it used to bother my aunt and uncle a bit and they are deeply religious. I can't really be sure, as I have never been treated differently by my family. If you think your family will react badly, you need to take that into consideration. One need not lie to themselves in order to fool others.
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28-01-2013, 03:07 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
^I know its really bothering me everyday my family still believe in Jesus and Jehovah witness its a battle between my mom and my grandmom about those two faiths so if i come out and say i do not even believe in jesus or a god anymore then i know i will never hear the end of it smh :/ i'm sick of lying and praying when i know its fake.

*side not* I followed the link @ DLJ thanks for that link i'm going to read the whole thread to.

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28-01-2013, 07:27 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
Hey, Bizzy.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

I know people who have come out of the closet (be it about sexuality, language, religion) and their parents disowned them and cast them out of the house. I know people who have come out of the closet and, through ongoing struggle, have moved from a place of confusion and fear to a place of acceptance, sometimes with the whole family and sometimes with only part. I know people who have come out of the closet and been accepted with tearful joy. I know people who have come out of the closet and been greeted by, "Well no fucking shit. It's about time."

This isn't a question of them. It's a question of you. Are you willing to hide yourself or are you willing to live out loud? Hiding yourself is always toxic. And yes, the consequence of living out loud may very well be ostracism. Then again, it might be acceptance. Then again, it might even educate the uninitiated. What are you comfortable with? How do you want to live your life?

Peace and Love and Empathy,

Matt
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30-01-2013, 09:22 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
(28-01-2013 07:27 AM)Ghost Wrote:  Hey, Bizzy.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

I know people who have come out of the closet (be it about sexuality, language, religion) and their parents disowned them and cast them out of the house. I know people who have come out of the closet and, through ongoing struggle, have moved from a place of confusion and fear to a place of acceptance, sometimes with the whole family and sometimes with only part. I know people who have come out of the closet and been accepted with tearful joy. I know people who have come out of the closet and been greeted by, "Well no fucking shit. It's about time."

This isn't a question of them. It's a question of you. Are you willing to hide yourself or are you willing to live out loud? Hiding yourself is always toxic. And yes, the consequence of living out loud may very well be ostracism. Then again, it might be acceptance. Then again, it might even educate the uninitiated. What are you comfortable with? How do you want to live your life?

Peace and Love and Empathy,

Matt
Thanks Matt I don't want to be disowned that is my all time fear ,

i know my mom will still be my mom but she will try to convert me like she did when i was 18 i'm 33 now .to my family being a atheist is like saying i follow the devil !so at 18 my mom told me do not tell any one and kept talking to me about god everyday :/ i gave in and kept going to church it'll hurt me to see her sad about me giving up gain

like it's just stupid they will not give me a chance i'm a good person i do not go out hurting people i have solid values in my life .
i know they will disown me or try to preach to me every day .and my grand mom has a nasty attitude omg so bitter and cold but she loves Jesus smh she will be the one calling me a idiot and every name in the book for Jesus :/.


My family are Bible belt people in the south its God or Devil and i can't get them to stop trusting in God .

That was a rant Your questions opened my eyes i never took the time to think how my life after i confess will be i seen my family disown gay family members and one of my sisters always pick on people for being gay and those two topics are hand in hand to them because when i was like them i hated gay and Atheist people i'm very sorry i was narrow minded and a fool i guess this is Karma .

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30-01-2013, 09:31 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. -Dr. Seuss

Dr.Seuss is epic win <3 Smile

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30-01-2013, 09:55 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
"like it's just stupid they will not give me a chance i'm a good person i
do not go out hurting people i have solid values in my life ."

Then live your values and demonstrate to those who will see that atheism isn't moral nihilism. As for those who would disown you, what need do you have of them?

Parents are just two people who fucked. There is no inherent virtue in being capable of fucking... pretty much anyone can pull that off. If your parents and other family members aren't willing to accept you as an atheist, then it isn't you that they value, it's what you can do for them that they value. That's a one sided relationship that no one is obliged to cater to and it brings nothing of value to you. In fact, as your words suggest, it brings quite a bit of negative value to you.

It may not seem like negative value to you now and if that's the case, it's likely because you've been raised in an environment where your needs weren't considered but, rather, you were responsible for attending to the needs of your parents. Children shouldn't be responsible for catering to adults. On the contrary, adults bear the responsibility of catering to the children they've created who have no choice in being there. But that was then. You are now an adult and all adult relationships are voluntary. If you aren't being treated with respect in a relationship or aren't getting any value from the relationship you are perfectly free to absent yourself from it. If those who mistreat you really value you for the right reasons, they will shed their bigotries and bring something of value to you. If not, there are people who will and it is those people whom you should seek.

I'm really sorry you've been put in such a predicament and I sincerely hope you'll consider yourself ahead of others. In the long run, it will pay you dividends.
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30-01-2013, 11:17 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
(30-01-2013 09:55 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  "like it's just stupid they will not give me a chance i'm a good person i
do not go out hurting people i have solid values in my life ."

Then live your values and demonstrate to those who will see that atheism isn't moral nihilism. As for those who would disown you, what need do you have of them?

Parents are just two people who fucked. There is no inherent virtue in being capable of fucking... pretty much anyone can pull that off. If your parents and other family members aren't willing to accept you as an atheist, then it isn't you that they value, it's what you can do for them that they value. That's a one sided relationship that no one is obliged to cater to and it brings nothing of value to you. In fact, as your words suggest, it brings quite a bit of negative value to you.

It may not seem like negative value to you now and if that's the case, it's likely because you've been raised in an environment where your needs weren't considered but, rather, you were responsible for attending to the needs of your parents. Children shouldn't be responsible for catering to adults. On the contrary, adults bear the responsibility of catering to the children they've created who have no choice in being there. But that was then. You are now an adult and all adult relationships are voluntary. If you aren't being treated with respect in a relationship or aren't getting any value from the relationship you are perfectly free to absent yourself from it. If those who mistreat you really value you for the right reasons, they will shed their bigotries and bring something of value to you. If not, there are people who will and it is those people whom you should seek.

I'm really sorry you've been put in such a predicament and I sincerely hope you'll consider yourself ahead of others. In the long run, it will pay you dividends.
I agree 100% and your right .
i'm grown but i been living my whole life like this no matter what no one care about my needs it's always "what will my family think"
i even skipped a concert this last week i told her i'm going to a concert just talking about it and i had the money my mom begged me not to go knowing how much i like Bone thugs but her just saying do not go over and over i'm like a kid trapped .and i stayed my dumb ass home and gave her the money to pay a bill that all of a sudden she needed to pay :/.

I can't leave my family even tho im hurt all the time emotinoly they say they love me and thats how i get over it like i can't disobey my mom shes all i have after my dad died
I don't want to be that person that do not speak to they mom or family its a fear of mine i was brain washed by Jehovah witness that the world is bad and if i leave my family and try to live in this world with out family i will be abused or worse .
even today i told my mom jokingly "i'm going to move and never call you if i miss another concert btw i missed 3 thanks to her asking me to not go "
and a few hours later we was watching tv and this lady moved away from her family and was raped and stalked and my mom as always said that's what the world will do Dedra if you move away from your family ,and read a chapter about family but i ignored her and walked into the kitchen .

i just said i'm never moving then like a stupid lil robot I just want to be free like other people but still have my family they do know how to let us live like every adult kid in my family is like me and the ones who rebel are "going to hell".

when i spoke to my therapist last week she told me its ok to leave my family and i looked at her and said no its not and broke into tears after hearing my self sound like a lost child and i was scared that it was even a option .
my mom knows how i am and she use it to her full advantage.

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