How do i deal with family?
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30-01-2013, 11:17 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
(30-01-2013 09:55 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  "like it's just stupid they will not give me a chance i'm a good person i
do not go out hurting people i have solid values in my life ."

Then live your values and demonstrate to those who will see that atheism isn't moral nihilism. As for those who would disown you, what need do you have of them?

Parents are just two people who fucked. There is no inherent virtue in being capable of fucking... pretty much anyone can pull that off. If your parents and other family members aren't willing to accept you as an atheist, then it isn't you that they value, it's what you can do for them that they value. That's a one sided relationship that no one is obliged to cater to and it brings nothing of value to you. In fact, as your words suggest, it brings quite a bit of negative value to you.

It may not seem like negative value to you now and if that's the case, it's likely because you've been raised in an environment where your needs weren't considered but, rather, you were responsible for attending to the needs of your parents. Children shouldn't be responsible for catering to adults. On the contrary, adults bear the responsibility of catering to the children they've created who have no choice in being there. But that was then. You are now an adult and all adult relationships are voluntary. If you aren't being treated with respect in a relationship or aren't getting any value from the relationship you are perfectly free to absent yourself from it. If those who mistreat you really value you for the right reasons, they will shed their bigotries and bring something of value to you. If not, there are people who will and it is those people whom you should seek.

I'm really sorry you've been put in such a predicament and I sincerely hope you'll consider yourself ahead of others. In the long run, it will pay you dividends.
I agree 100% and your right .
i'm grown but i been living my whole life like this no matter what no one care about my needs it's always "what will my family think"
i even skipped a concert this last week i told her i'm going to a concert just talking about it and i had the money my mom begged me not to go knowing how much i like Bone thugs but her just saying do not go over and over i'm like a kid trapped .and i stayed my dumb ass home and gave her the money to pay a bill that all of a sudden she needed to pay :/.

I can't leave my family even tho im hurt all the time emotinoly they say they love me and thats how i get over it like i can't disobey my mom shes all i have after my dad died
I don't want to be that person that do not speak to they mom or family its a fear of mine i was brain washed by Jehovah witness that the world is bad and if i leave my family and try to live in this world with out family i will be abused or worse .
even today i told my mom jokingly "i'm going to move and never call you if i miss another concert btw i missed 3 thanks to her asking me to not go "
and a few hours later we was watching tv and this lady moved away from her family and was raped and stalked and my mom as always said that's what the world will do Dedra if you move away from your family ,and read a chapter about family but i ignored her and walked into the kitchen .

i just said i'm never moving then like a stupid lil robot I just want to be free like other people but still have my family they do know how to let us live like every adult kid in my family is like me and the ones who rebel are "going to hell".

when i spoke to my therapist last week she told me its ok to leave my family and i looked at her and said no its not and broke into tears after hearing my self sound like a lost child and i was scared that it was even a option .
my mom knows how i am and she use it to her full advantage.

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30-01-2013, 11:19 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
i'm just spilling my life to ya'll no one ever cared like ya'll do ;; i was raised to keep it to my self and pray lol yeah like God ever helped my family but they still love him .i call Jesus they slave master to my self.lol

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30-01-2013, 11:25 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
(30-01-2013 11:17 AM)BizzysaidAss Wrote:  
(30-01-2013 09:55 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  "like it's just stupid they will not give me a chance i'm a good person i
do not go out hurting people i have solid values in my life ."

Then live your values and demonstrate to those who will see that atheism isn't moral nihilism. As for those who would disown you, what need do you have of them?

Parents are just two people who fucked. There is no inherent virtue in being capable of fucking... pretty much anyone can pull that off. If your parents and other family members aren't willing to accept you as an atheist, then it isn't you that they value, it's what you can do for them that they value. That's a one sided relationship that no one is obliged to cater to and it brings nothing of value to you. In fact, as your words suggest, it brings quite a bit of negative value to you.

It may not seem like negative value to you now and if that's the case, it's likely because you've been raised in an environment where your needs weren't considered but, rather, you were responsible for attending to the needs of your parents. Children shouldn't be responsible for catering to adults. On the contrary, adults bear the responsibility of catering to the children they've created who have no choice in being there. But that was then. You are now an adult and all adult relationships are voluntary. If you aren't being treated with respect in a relationship or aren't getting any value from the relationship you are perfectly free to absent yourself from it. If those who mistreat you really value you for the right reasons, they will shed their bigotries and bring something of value to you. If not, there are people who will and it is those people whom you should seek.

I'm really sorry you've been put in such a predicament and I sincerely hope you'll consider yourself ahead of others. In the long run, it will pay you dividends.
I agree 100% and your right .
i'm grown but i been living my whole life like this no matter what no one care about my needs it's always "what will my family think"
i even skipped a concert this last week i told her i'm going to a concert just talking about it and i had the money my mom begged me not to go knowing how much i like Bone thugs but her just saying do not go over and over i'm like a kid trapped .and i stayed my dumb ass home and gave her the money to pay a bill that all of a sudden she needed to pay :/.

I can't leave my family even tho im hurt all the time emotinoly they say they love me and thats how i get over it like i can't disobey my mom shes all i have after my dad died
I don't want to be that person that do not speak to they mom or family its a fear of mine i was brain washed by Jehovah witness that the world is bad and if i leave my family and try to live in this world with out family i will be abused or worse .
even today i told my mom jokingly "i'm going to move and never call you if i miss another concert btw i missed 3 thanks to her asking me to not go "
and a few hours later we was watching tv and this lady moved away from her family and was raped and stalked and my mom as always said that's what the world will do Dedra if you move away from your family ,and read a chapter about family but i ignored her and walked into the kitchen .

i just said i'm never moving then like a stupid lil robot I just want to be free like other people but still have my family they do know how to let us live like every adult kid in my family is like me and the ones who rebel are "going to hell".

when i spoke to my therapist last week she told me its ok to leave my family and i looked at her and said no its not and broke into tears after hearing my self sound like a lost child and i was scared that it was even a option .
my mom knows how i am and she use it to her full advantage.
"Then live your values and demonstrate to those who will see that atheism isn't moral nihilism."

I did that when i was 18 and it didn't work when i stopped going to church or praying with my family my mom got cold to me since my family didn't know i just pray with them so she was not looked bad at by them at holidays and family get together .I even tried talking to her about just letting me not believe and i would not try to talk her into not believing and it didn't help me at all.

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30-01-2013, 08:31 PM
RE: How do i deal with family?
I'm so happy to hear you say you're in therapy. These people have harmed you and your therapist is correct in telling you that it's okay to get away from them. I'll go a bit farther than your therapist though, and say it's imperative that you get away from those people.

And understand, if you were happy where you are I would never suggest leaving. But, you're clearly not happy and from what you've said here the source of your misery is your family. You own your life and you owe no one so much as an explanation of why you choose to do what you choose to do. And to be sure there are dangers in the world but I can guarantee the perils of staying where you are are far worse for your long term well being. Millions upon millions of people walk around every day without being mugged, raped or otherwise bothered by the other millions upon millions of people in the world. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. But... I think you know that already. In fact, I know you do.

Please consider doing what is best for you.
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30-01-2013, 10:07 PM
RE: How do i deal with family?
I'm sorry for what you're going through. You should not have to lose family over this. I find it extremely ironic and pathetic that so many members of a religion which supposedly preaches forgiveness and love will cut off their own flesh and blood because they think god wants this. They believe we have no morals, yet here we are saying that you should not have to live a lie and they should love you even if they do not agree with you on everything. I didn't cut my brother off when he became a Pentecostal.

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31-01-2013, 09:13 AM
RE: How do i deal with family?
(30-01-2013 08:31 PM)bbeljefe Wrote:  I'm so happy to hear you say you're in therapy. These people have harmed you and your therapist is correct in telling you that it's okay to get away from them. I'll go a bit farther than your therapist though, and say it's imperative that you get away from those people.

And understand, if you were happy where you are I would never suggest leaving. But, you're clearly not happy and from what you've said here the source of your misery is your family. You own your life and you owe no one so much as an explanation of why you choose to do what you choose to do. And to be sure there are dangers in the world but I can guarantee the perils of staying where you are are far worse for your long term well being. Millions upon millions of people walk around every day without being mugged, raped or otherwise bothered by the other millions upon millions of people in the world. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. But... I think you know that already. In fact, I know you do.

Please consider doing what is best for you.
I know , Ihave Stockholm syndrome but i never been diagnosed that i have it but i have all the signs since i was about 7 I defend my mom and family but they the bad guys .when i was 16 my untie ella told my mom you are keeping dedra as a child couse i stayed in my room 24/7 and never dated my mom forbid me to date its a sin my mom knew if she told me to not do that i would stop but she would be happy when i stayed in the house all the time .i live alone now and i still trust no one to come over ecept my mom and i do not go to any one home even my best cousin /friend she only calls me .[/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I was raped as a kid and adult so how my mom is kinda is my protection and dall fall couse i'm scared to grow and live like i want to .[/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]i'm going to stay in therapy for sure .[/font]

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31-01-2013, 09:36 AM (This post was last modified: 31-01-2013 09:50 AM by BizzysaidAss.)
RE: How do i deal with family?
This turned into something i didn't expect it to everyone thanks for speaking to me and helping .but i decided to just let it stay how it is .i'll just not tell my family i'm a atheist .yes i know i got a issue but me trying to get help or part from my family smh i can't do it .
I'm sincerely sorry if i upset any one i can tell i have problems but why couse more trouble .

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31-01-2013, 12:07 PM
RE: How do i deal with family?
What were you expecting?
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31-01-2013, 01:00 PM
RE: How do i deal with family?
(31-01-2013 12:07 PM)bbeljefe Wrote:  What were you expecting?
Just help on how to tell my family this huge secret .

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31-01-2013, 01:46 PM
RE: How do i deal with family?
I would advise you not to tell your family so long as you plan to maintain some level of dependance on them. I would, however, advise that you tell them at the point when you feel comfortable with the knowledge that doing so will probably cause them to sever the relationship.

Please keep us informed as your therapy progresses. I think you're moving in a good direction and I understand that for some, it takes a while to internalize the information you've recently been receiving. You'll get there though and you will find happiness provided you stick to the therapy with an open mind.
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