How do you deal with those "alone" times?
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09-03-2012, 07:23 AM
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
Omigosh, I love this thread. I'm so enjoying everyone's responses, and admittedly have nothing profound to say that hasn't yet been said. Yet here I am....at least to resurrect the thread, if nothing else. Blush

I find it important to enjoy one's own company...for many of us, religious or not, that's very hard to do. As some have mentioned, we fill the quiet spaces with noise, chatter, or activity...if you don't enkoy your own company, if you don't like being alone with yourself when things are going well, the tough times will be all the more difficult.

Asking myself the hard questions is what finally led to my atheism: "what if there is no god?" "why do I believe in God?" "what DO I think about Jesus?"

Ask yourself questions, and don't be surprised when you come up with something profound. You can even use your cognizance to further explore the depth or nature of your unpleasant emotions, which will help you find solutions and/or coping skills.

Drinking Beverage Grab a cuppa' joe; sit-n-read my blog for a spell: www.vaweber.wordpress.com
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09-03-2012, 08:08 AM
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
Oh, I like this kind of threads because I can let my little emo out Big Grin

I have a very special relationship with myself, as a kid I didn't have many friends, almost none as a matter of fact, but I was kind of smart for my age (nerd is the right word I think) and got bored very often, on time I was feeling bad about loneliness my dad told me "you should learn to be friends with loneliness as she will be with you all your life" in spanish loneliness is "soledad" which is also a name and we had this neighbour kid whose name was Soledad, so it was a really bad pun my dad throw at me, but there was wisdom there and I took the advise.
In another occasion I was really bored, and I was annoying my mom and instead of telling me to go away she said I should try to make up my own games and fun, that I should learn to use my creativity.

Those two advices helped and will help me my whole life, so now when I'm alone I try to make something interesting out of it, so I start making cosmological theories, try to understand my own psychological precesses, try to find more efficient ways of doing things (like growing my own food or designing some electric generator I swear I'll make it someday) and stuff like that, I could say I take a scientific approach to loneliness, trying to understand and improve the world around and within me.

And when I'm lazy I resort to the obvious tricks like reading a book, watching a movie, fapping, or posting on the thinking atheist

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09-03-2012, 08:21 AM
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
Well it would appear that many here just a bunch of intospective introverts (a good thing btw).

Definition: a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings.

I've long held the thought that extroverts are more likely to be religious in that an extrovert is a person who is energised by being around other people... think of the energy they get at a "praise the lord" hypnosis / mass hysteria session.

btw...

please just fuck off and leave me alone

much obliged.

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09-03-2012, 08:29 AM
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
I throw myself into unworkable projects. For example I recently finished building a working camera "drone" plane in the living room of my apartment in miami.
Of course having a camera drone in the living room of an apartment is not a very good idea if you want to remove said drone from said apartment at any time - so its still there as far as I know as I moved back here to scotland 2 months ago

But for me the finished project is not the point, its the joy I get from making all the pieces and figuring out how to get them to work
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09-03-2012, 08:39 AM
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
I think you have "god withdrawal" or in other words, you are still grieving because the absence of god is still bothering you. Call god what you may, a friend, a crutch, not having god there has left a vacancy in your life and you haven't filled it yet.

You need a hobby, something you enjoy all by your lonesome, something to fill that vacancy. Can be anything depending on your personality.

I was lucky to be rid of him at a young age, and I cherish times alone. Which has proven very helpful throughout my life and especially now.

One thing I like to do by myself is go outside at sunset and grill dinner. I take forever doing it, because I love the nature around me and the peaceful, quiet time. I let the grill preheat for a very long time, not because it needs it, because I like to prolong that time.

Sometimes my mind can go blank and I guess that's like meditation, and most of the time I let disorganized thoughts travel through. I have solved more problems out there than I think I ever could otherwise.

I also go for a walk in the woods, play with my dog and teach him something we both enjoy (he loves to learn, I use tiny treats) , paint pictures (lousy ones but it is some form of expression anyways), read, play on the computer and and and.

I am never bored and I am not lonely, not even now that my husband died. That is not and never has been a problem for me.

You can consciously change the "lost" feelings you may have by recognizing when they set on and purposefully doing something else, or just go and be someplace else, like outside or another room etc. You are the master of your mind.

Vacancies need to be filled. Anything you like will do.

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09-03-2012, 08:43 AM
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
I was gonna say masturbation.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

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10-03-2012, 04:27 AM
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
(29-11-2011 04:13 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  Within. In fact I prefer quiet, solitary contemplation to having someone to turn to.


I do too, if I'm alone I can think more clearly than with having other people as distractions. Any problems I have I like to be able to deal with myself, instead of having someone fix it for me.

The person who knows you best is yourself, therefore, you are the best person to ask for advice.
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10-03-2012, 04:33 AM
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
(29-11-2011 02:31 PM)djgenx7 Wrote:  Honest question here....As a christian, when I had a down moment by myself, where I had no one else to turn to, I always had God/Jesus. Now, as an atheist, who/what do I turn to when I have those moments...those moments when you're sitting by yourelf in your room or on a walk outside with your thoughts, and you have no one to transfer the hurt/conversation to. How do you guys deal with those times? And Im not talking about getting a friend, or seeking professional help, I mean when you're alone, and it's just you and space..where do you turn to cope

I feel this is a fantastic topic, it's a good discussion and a good thinking question but I will try to answer it the best I can from my perspective. But I can only speak for myself, I'm sure others may differ since we are all different individuals.

(29-11-2011 02:31 PM)djgenx7 Wrote:  Honest question here....As a christian, when I had a down moment by myself, where I had no one else to turn to, I always had God/Jesus. Now, as an atheist, who/what do I turn to when I have those moments...

Before I married my wife, I spent a lot of time trying to find ways to become dependent on myself. I guess to me I feel that if I cannot let go of everything else and everyone else, it will make it difficult for me to cope with things in hard times except to rely on myself. Sometimes it was hard. However, I found that when I put ALL of my trust and worth in other people, when those people let me down I felt insanely depressed, let down and even disappointed. Perhaps this is a pessimistic view in seeing it this way, however, I felt I needed to be capable of handling things myself when I have those moment where I feel alone, I was responsible for bringing myself out of it.

(29-11-2011 02:31 PM)djgenx7 Wrote:  those moments when you're sitting by yourelf in your room or on a walk outside with your thoughts, and you have no one to transfer the hurt/conversation to. How do you guys deal with those times? And Im not talking about getting a friend, or seeking professional help, I mean when you're alone, and it's just you and space..where do you turn to cope

When I'm having those moments I try to find a way to contemplate. Generally this means writing. I do actually keep a journal and write down my thoughts and feelings on things. I find that if I do this and then go back and read how I felt at that time and on that date, that more often than not I felt that way due to my reaction of certain things. Sometimes I look back and go - "Hmm well I guess I need to work on x or y.. interesting, I sure was a mess that day" or "Interesting, I'm feeling this way again and last time it was because of x or y."

I find that my wife is often times similar about her views and values, so I can often confide in her about things. But either way, I try to reflect on my feelings about it first, I guess I feel it isn't always necessary to confide in others with those feelings.

I suppose it also depends on the circumstances and what it's about too.

My other release is cars. If I feel I need space away from people I will go out in the garage and spin a wrench, think, and then later if necessary write about it.
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10-03-2012, 04:59 AM
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
Hello there Mr. Happy Sock. Meet Mr. Lubey.

Actually, I work on a lot of photos by doing a tremendous amount of post-processing. This gives me time for a lot of reflection over my life and the places I've been and what I could have done differently.

"I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders...
Thanks for getting off my back!"
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10-03-2012, 01:15 PM (This post was last modified: 10-03-2012 01:23 PM by Blood.)
RE: How do you deal with those "alone" times?
(29-11-2011 02:31 PM)djgenx7 Wrote:  Honest question here....As a christian, when I had a down moment by myself, where I had no one else to turn to, I always had God/Jesus. Now, as an atheist, who/what do I turn to when I have those moments...those moments when you're sitting by yourself in your room or on a walk outside with your thoughts, and you have no one to transfer the hurt/conversation to. How do you guys deal with those times? And Im not talking about getting a friend, or seeking professional help, I mean when you're alone, and it's just you and space..where do you turn to cope

If you're an atheist now, then you realize that in previous times of pain or depression, you actually weren't talking to God/Jesus at all, just yourself. Realizing that would make me more depressed. Why extoll false consolations?

Personally, I've found online discussion boards like this one highly therapeutic. Prior to the Internet, if you were an atheist in America, you typically had no one to communicate with. "Am I crazy for thinking this?" was a common doubt that I imagine most of us had back then, because everybody else acted like believing in Magic Sky Daddy and His Magic Son was perfectly normal and healthy.

I'm not saying that Internet groups replace face-to-face communication when you're depressed, but I think they are just as good as going to a therapist, and a heck of a lot less expensive.




(09-03-2012 08:21 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Well it would appear that many here just a bunch of intospective introverts (a good thing btw).

Definition: a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings.

I've long held the thought that extroverts are more likely to be religious in that an extrovert is a person who is energised by being around other people... think of the energy they get at a "praise the lord" hypnosis / mass hysteria session.

I think you've nailed it. I don't need other people or a "god" to validate my existence or approve of my ideas. I'd like to think most atheists feel the same way. Church-going folks (most, not all) typically want to blend in with the masses. Perhaps this is the root cause behind the success of mega-churches in our time. These people really don't want to think too hard about the existence of god or biblical criticism, or challenge the status quo. They just want someone to pat them on the head and say, "God loves you and has a plan for you."
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