How many of you go to church?
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12-08-2012, 09:15 PM
How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 08:25 PM)pawprints1985 Wrote:  explain to me why so many people that I talk to that are now no believers are depressed and you can't tell me that its from all the years you were lied to, because is you believe it is all a lie shouldn't you feel liberated. I'm not picking on people with depression just ask my husband how depressed I was when my business was falling and my parents were getting a devorse.

I probably could not put it into words that someone else would fully understand what's going on in my silly brain, but I'll try.

My thinking feels completely liberated now. I used to work so hard at never being wrong when it came to my beliefs. If I was wrong, it might affect my relationship with Jesus. Everything I did and thought had to be run through my God filters to make sure I was honoring Him and living a life worthy of His love for me.

Now? I only need to filter what I do or think through the paradigm of how do I impact others. Now? I can be wrong about anything and it's okay. It means I have to assimilate the facts and change my opinion and that, my new friend, is completely liberating! OMG, I can't even begin to describe what an incredibly liberating feeling that is!!!

So that's the liberating part.

The depression and anxiety I have been prone to throughout much of my life. Just a few years ago, I started doing something I never did before...I began questioning what I had always accepted as fact from birth. I would have never ever in a million years have dreamed that I would end up an atheist. Why? Because my faith was not just a series of statements that I believed in. My faith was me. My entire identity was in Christ. Christianity was not a religion to me, it was a relationship with a real being who made me and loved me and directed every step of my life. Every major decision I ever made was done after I prayed about it first. Every problem I ever had (including depression and anxiety) I asked God to help with. Every good thing that ever happened, I thanked God for it. Every accomplishment I ever achieved was done because God gave me the power to achieve it.

There are a whole lot of things that went into my de-conversion. I won't go into that story now. Suffice it to say that after a lot of study into other areas like science and evolution instead of religion, I began a journey that lead me to this place. My mind is liberated, but my worldview, my identity, my self-esteem, my relationships with every single person I've ever cared about has completely flipped. It's not just that I no longer believe in God, it's that I feel like I am beginning my life all over again from scratch. I'm relearning who I am as a liberated thinker. I'm relearning what abilities I have because the only thing I ever learned how to do was share Jesus with other people. I have a very low level of self-esteem and confidence because I am still learning what stuff in my thinking is me and what parts of it was my prior indoctrination. My relationships with family and life-long friends has never been the same because they talk about God all the time and I do not. Nor am I willing to argue with them about it so I just totally isolate myself from everyone I've ever known. I did not really have non-Christian friends so I don't know how to make friends outside of church. Now you know why my post count is embarrassingly high. This is the only place outside of therapy where I express my thoughts.

All of these factors triggered the depression and anxiety that has always been with me during my life. But I no longer had a support system to help me. I no longer had a world view that told me everything would be okay because God loves me. I no longer had a job that gave me confidence and self esteem because I can't be a pastor anymore. I no longer can date because I feel too fucked up to try to get to know a woman and share who I am with her.

This all lead me to a very dark place of loneliness and suicidal thoughts. My depression began to run rampant, so I finally got the help I needed before I jumped off one of the tallest bridges in Washington state. That was one year and two weeks ago. I'm doing better, but I have a long way to go in finding out who the new Erxomai is.

I hope my crazy ramblings make a little sense to you. If not, feel free to ask questions. Smile

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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12-08-2012, 10:38 PM
RE: How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 09:15 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(12-08-2012 08:25 PM)pawprints1985 Wrote:  explain to me why so many people that I talk to that are now no believers are depressed and you can't tell me that its from all the years you were lied to, because is you believe it is all a lie shouldn't you feel liberated. I'm not picking on people with depression just ask my husband how depressed I was when my business was falling and my parents were getting a devorse.

I probably could not put it into words that someone else would fully understand what's going on in my silly brain, but I'll try.

My thinking feels completely liberated now. I used to work so hard at never being wrong when it came to my beliefs. If I was wrong, it might affect my relationship with Jesus. Everything I did and thought had to be run through my God filters to make sure I was honoring Him and living a life worthy of His love for me.

Now? I only need to filter what I do or think through the paradigm of how do I impact others. Now? I can be wrong about anything and it's okay. It means I have to assimilate the facts and change my opinion and that, my new friend, is completely liberating! OMG, I can't even begin to describe what an incredibly liberating feeling that is!!!

So that's the liberating part.

The depression and anxiety I have been prone to throughout much of my life. Just a few years ago, I started doing something I never did before...I began questioning what I had always accepted as fact from birth. I would have never ever in a million years have dreamed that I would end up an atheist. Why? Because my faith was not just a series of statements that I believed in. My faith was me. My entire identity was in Christ. Christianity was not a religion to me, it was a relationship with a real being who made me and loved me and directed every step of my life. Every major decision I ever made was done after I prayed about it first. Every problem I ever had (including depression and anxiety) I asked God to help with. Every good thing that ever happened, I thanked God for it. Every accomplishment I ever achieved was done because God gave me the power to achieve it.

There are a whole lot of things that went into my de-conversion. I won't go into that story now. Suffice it to say that after a lot of study into other areas like science and evolution instead of religion, I began a journey that lead me to this place. My mind is liberated, but my worldview, my identity, my self-esteem, my relationships with every single person I've ever cared about has completely flipped. It's not just that I no longer believe in God, it's that I feel like I am beginning my life all over again from scratch. I'm relearning who I am as a liberated thinker. I'm relearning what abilities I have because the only thing I ever learned how to do was share Jesus with other people. I have a very low level of self-esteem and confidence because I am still learning what stuff in my thinking is me and what parts of it was my prior indoctrination. My relationships with family and life-long friends has never been the same because they talk about God all the time and I do not. Nor am I willing to argue with them about it so I just totally isolate myself from everyone I've ever known. I did not really have non-Christian friends so I don't know how to make friends outside of church. Now you know why my post count is embarrassingly high. This is the only place outside of therapy where I express my thoughts.

All of these factors triggered the depression and anxiety that has always been with me during my life. But I no longer had a support system to help me. I no longer had a world view that told me everything would be okay because God loves me. I no longer had a job that gave me confidence and self esteem because I can't be a pastor anymore. I no longer can date because I feel too fucked up to try to get to know a woman and share who I am with her.

This all lead me to a very dark place of loneliness and suicidal thoughts. My depression began to run rampant, so I finally got the help I needed before I jumped off one of the tallest bridges in Washington state. That was one year and two weeks ago. I'm doing better, but I have a long way to go in finding out who the new Erxomai is.

I hope my crazy ramblings make a little sense to you. If not, feel free to ask questions. Smile

I feel for you, and can relate a bit to your problem. I was teased very badly in school when I was young. At some point not sure exactly when, I decided not to change myself for others. I am who and what I am, look out world because here I come. As far as meeting women, be picky. I started dating my wife based on certain preferences, 1. Must actually be a woman (no trannies or other such things), 2. Must not smoke at all, and 3. Must only drink once in a while and not be a drunk. As far as looks go, I am very happy with her, although she might not be the type for others that are picky in other ways. As Ron White said, "You can't fix stupid.". As for those that say I married her to change her, no I learned my lesson on that. Several years ago, I finally turned my father into an atheist. He was so depressed, and I believe still is. He is not as happy as he was as a theist. I am not out to convert, as the shock can be crippling. I am pretty much out to show that atheists can be and most are decent people. I think I have changed some minds about us atheists at the church we go to. If at some point my wife decides that church is not her thing, I would be happy. I am not going to try to force or even encourage that change though.
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12-08-2012, 10:41 PM
RE: How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 10:38 PM)Birdguy1979 Wrote:  I am not going to try to force or even encourage that change though.

And that is the secret to good relationships.Thumbsup

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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12-08-2012, 10:53 PM
RE: How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 10:41 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(12-08-2012 10:38 PM)Birdguy1979 Wrote:  I am not going to try to force or even encourage that change though.

And that is the secret to good relationships.Thumbsup

That's why Erxomai and I love each other. No homo.

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12-08-2012, 11:00 PM
RE: How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 10:53 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  
(12-08-2012 10:41 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  And that is the secret to good relationships.Thumbsup

That's why Erxomai and I love each other. No homo.

Well...maybe not for you...Shy


Oh...this is us!
Goodevil


...and Chas...

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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12-08-2012, 11:03 PM
RE: How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 11:00 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(12-08-2012 10:53 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  That's why Erxomai and I love each other. No homo.

Well...maybe not for you...Shy


Oh...this is us!
Goodevil


...and Chas...

Yeah, but who is the see-saw?

Can it be lucradis?

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12-08-2012, 11:04 PM
RE: How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 11:03 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  
(12-08-2012 11:00 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  Well...maybe not for you...Shy


Oh...this is us!
Goodevil


...and Chas...

Yeah, but who is the see-saw?

Can it be lucradis?

Yes, sometimes he seems a little board.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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12-08-2012, 11:16 PM
RE: How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 11:04 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(12-08-2012 11:03 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  Yeah, but who is the see-saw?

Can it be lucradis?

Yes, sometimes he seems a little board.

badum tish

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12-08-2012, 11:21 PM
RE: How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 11:16 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  
(12-08-2012 11:04 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  Yes, sometimes he seems a little board.

badum tish

Oh, your siggy reminds me I was going to post something I watched yesterday.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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12-08-2012, 11:57 PM
RE: How many of you go to church?
(12-08-2012 08:25 PM)pawprints1985 Wrote:  explain to me why so many people that I talk to that are now no believers are depressed and you can't tell me that its from all the years you were lied to, because is you believe it is all a lie shouldn't you feel liberated. I'm not picking on people with depression just ask my husband how depressed I was when my business was falling and my parents were getting a devorse.

The non-believers that you talk to are depressed because if they weren't, you wouldn't notice them. It's called confirmation bias. I was a Christian when I was young, and I do feel liberated now that I'm not. Why wouldn't someone feel liberated after getting rid of several restrictions?

Now you may be tempted to say "but I'm free from sin" -- you're not. Becoming a Christian doesn't mean that you don't sin, even if you badly want to be sinless. When you think of examples of problems that others have that you don't, keep in mind that other Christians do struggle with those problems.

Many of us atheists happily swear, work on Sundays, watch porn, and don't read the bible or pray, but these are all foolish rules. The rules that actually matter -- don't lie, cheat, steal, or murder -- we follow these ones, too; we simply call them "ethics". If something actually causes harm to others, we generally don't do it, otherwise society would make our lives harder by excluding us.

My girlfriend is mad at me. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried cooking a stick in her non-stick pan.
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