How much more can I take?
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12-07-2015, 12:03 PM
How much more can I take?
Hi guys, I've been lurking around the forums for a bit but this is my first post. I will save my story for a different thread but today I don't know if I'm just trying to vent or looking for support. Here is a bit of history however.... Since last fall, I began looking for answers and questioning God and Christianity. I grew up baptist and as you can guess, my family has as well, I began at an early age realizing I was gay. I never questioned really or even tried to fight it until a few years ago, I began having a lot of trouble accepting that I was gay and no longer wanted to be. So in return I attempted to date the opposite sex and "pray the gay away." Not only did I cause an unbelievable amount of pain to myself but also to others. After about 3-4 years of this, I couldn't take it any longer, I was becoming depressed that I couldn't change but didn't know how to live my life since the bible spoke so negatively of this "lifestyle." Long story short on this, after I accepted that I was gay and deserving of a true love, this began my journey of searching for answers and the truth....

My point today is since I haven't spoken of my unbeliefs to anyone, I still continue to go to church at times (usually when I'm not working, so at least I can catch some sort of break) but I mostly go as a way to see my family as we have dinner and spend time together after. But I don't know how much longer I can subject myself to this...the preaching, the lies, even some of the people....Now that I have an open mind, I can honestly see how they view people that are not christians as basically bad people. For the past two weeks, they have preached about homosexuality and gay marriage because of the recent supreme court decision. It literally makes my sick to my stomach to listen to this crap. I avoided church the following sunday after the decision was made because I wanted to avoid listening to this but I wasn't so lucky.... I have heard how "sick and twisted" it is, how "it will only get worse now" and "yes we should love them but they are sinners and need to be reprimanded." He even stated if a gay couple came in to the church that we should show them love but not accept their lifestyle and tell them they need Jesus in their life. At this point, I'm biting my tongue....I can imagine the teenager that is sitting in the back who knows they are gay yet is being told they are "sick." It is likely this will lead them down the road I recently experienced but they may not have the ability to recover as I did.
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12-07-2015, 12:24 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
Welcome! Wink
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12-07-2015, 12:35 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
You'll figure it out -- cuz -- well, you know --- the truth is out there......


(couldn't resist)


Welcome

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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12-07-2015, 01:17 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
You've got to be the person that you really are. You can't be someone else. My daughter is transgender and suffered horribly all through childhood because she suppressed all her transgender thoughts. It got to the point when she was a teenager that she became psychotic and started to hallucinate. After she came and told us her secret it turned her life around. She's one of the happiest persons I know now. I think because she knows what a living hell is like.

Nature is a wonderful thing. Nature doesn't always reproduce exact copies of everything which is why you are different than your brothers, sisters or parents or cousins. Nature (evolution if you will) loves variety and sexuality variety is part of this. Sexuality and gender isn't always a binary situation.

I can't speak to the religious aspect of your situation. I've never been a believer myself, but if you are still living with or near your family, time and hopefully curiosity will take you away from your family to places which you can be yourself.

"this above all, to thy own self be true" A nice little quote from Shakespeare.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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12-07-2015, 05:49 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
(12-07-2015 01:17 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  You've got to be the person that you really are. You can't be someone else. My daughter is transgender and suffered horribly all through childhood because she suppressed all her transgender thoughts. It got to the point when she was a teenager that she became psychotic and started to hallucinate. After she came and told us her secret it turned her life around. She's one of the happiest persons I know now. I think because she knows what a living hell is like.

Nature is a wonderful thing. Nature doesn't always reproduce exact copies of everything which is why you are different than your brothers, sisters or parents or cousins. Nature (evolution if you will) loves variety and sexuality variety is part of this. Sexuality and gender isn't always a binary situation.

I can't speak to the religious aspect of your situation. I've never been a believer myself, but if you are still living with or near your family, time and hopefully curiosity will take you away from your family to places which you can be yourself.

"this above all, to thy own self be true" A nice little quote from Shakespeare.

Thank you very much, your words made me feel better as well as giving me a different perspective. Smile

And thank you for the warm welcomes! You guys may be my only comfort for awhile until I can change my situation! Heart
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12-07-2015, 06:37 PM (This post was last modified: 13-07-2015 11:53 AM by Banjo.)
RE: How much more can I take?
First of all, welcome to the site. There are many wonderful members and I hope you feel at ease here.

I have been very fortunate to know and work closely with many gay people, both male and female. Many have become among my closest of friends.

Af for your going to church, it may be likely you have to in order to keep your family at a safe distance.

Perhaps you could move to a more gay friendly area? I gather there must be quite a few in the States. This way it would be easier for you to live your existence as you feel fit. Try to avoid the xians at all costs. They are poison.

Wishing you good luck and all the best. Dale.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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13-07-2015, 10:42 AM
RE: How much more can I take?
Though I'm a straight, cisgendered white male, I was raised Southern Baptist (and all that that implies!!), and it was actually because I had experience in community and university theatre, ironically due to my hyper-religious mother's MA/PhD program, where I was surrounded by "weird" people (according to my Church's standards) whom I admired, that I began to have the same feelings of repulsion at the hateful speech and outright lies of my fellow Christians and wound up leaving the church at age 17.

It also didn't help that I had a deep love of science, sci-fi and fantasy literature, and a good understanding of history because my church's teachings caused my parents to prohibit TV in our household, so I read incessantly... insulating me against much of the ignorance of the church's indoctrination. Even though I was a Creationist, at the time, along with everyone else, a preacher came through with so many lies about how science and atheism work that it pushed me HARD in the direction of rational thought.

As you said, once you open your eyes, it's really all over from there. No wonder religionists fear Reason so deeply, and preach so heavily against "Man's Knowledge" and so on.

The good news is that we here at HeathenCorp™ actually understand the science of human development, and find the Christian objections to homosexuality ridiculous... literally, we ridicule them because they are so asinine. Welcome to one of many places, in what we like to call the Free World, in which you can be exactly whom you are!

Looking back on how tiny and myopic my world was, for the first half of my life as a Christian, I'm not so much ashamed at how much control my teenaged self let them have over my mind as I am happy with the way the world looks when you open that mind. Yes, it's a harsher reality, but I think that's part of the joy of it. Smile

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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13-07-2015, 12:04 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
"I accepted that I was gay and deserving of a true love"

Beautiful words Scully! I am so happy that you are on the other side of rejecting who you are and I hope that you indeed have found true love and happiness.

I am straight, but my best friends is gay. He left religion when one Sunday, the minister lectured that "you couldn't be a true xtian and believe in evolution", him being a biochemist, well, that sealed the deal. Funny thing is he was a deacon in his church and his partner at the time was an elder in another church...

Sounds to me you are ready to stop going to church.
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13-07-2015, 12:13 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
Welcome! You'll discover that this forum is a great outlet for expressing your thoughts and ideas on a variety of topics when you don't feel comfortable doing so to anyone in your immediate surroundings. Good luck to you and your situation.
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13-07-2015, 12:46 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
Scully! Glad you made it here. This is a pretty accepting place so, feel free to express your true self.

I second Iñigo's perspective here... you don't seem to be getting anything out of churchgoing. Maybe it's time to quietly slip away and find places you do belong.

This is an international place - lots of different peoples & discussions.

Welcome to the forum. Smile

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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