How much more can I take?
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13-07-2015, 06:07 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
Sorry you have to deal with this. One day I hope all these loving Christians have an opportunity to reflect on their choices and how much damage they have caused to people who never did anything to them.

As for you family, there is no easy answer, unfortunately. Hating a group of people as a concept is vastly different than turning that hate (and, make no mistake - it's hate) towards someone you love. Some people, when confronted with a loved one who is gay, will have an epiphany and realize that this is their son/daughter/sibling/etc. But, unfortunately, many do not. My wife and I know several gay people and some of them have been completely estranged from their families over it. If you tell them you are gay, that is a possibility. Their need to hold on to this hate, their fear of being ostracized from their community; all that is going to impact their willingness to accept you. Some people rise above that. Many do not.

The question for you is this: can you live a lie for them? Only you an answer it.

If you are looking for an opinion on that, read on. Otherwise, stop here and I wish you the best.




Ok, here is my opinion: you have to tell them. You have to be true to yourself. You don't have to do it today or tomorrow and you have to be prepared, both mentally but financially, for the possibility they will completely reject you. If that happens, take heart from two things: first, you are not alone and there are others in the gay community you can seek out where you are who will help you. And, second, there is always time for your family to change their minds and realize the error of their ways. But, to not tell them means you are not being fair to you. And, that's not right. You matter. You are special and just as worthy of love and respect as they are. And, and this is the most important thing, you have not done anything wrong.

Not one. Damn. Thing.

You are who you are. You don't owe anyone any explanations or apologies. And, you should not settle for being treated as second class.

It's easy for me, an anonymous middle age straight guy to say all this. I get that. So, you need to decide. But, my guess is you will never be happy in the closet. Better short time pain than a lifetime of misery while you hide and pretend.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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13-07-2015, 06:52 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
Meet your family when they get back from church. Any excuse is fine.

Remember they will prefer an excuse to the truth.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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13-07-2015, 08:14 PM
RE: How much more can I take?
(13-07-2015 06:07 PM)BnW Wrote:  Sorry you have to deal with this. One day I hope all these loving Christians have an opportunity to reflect on their choices and how much damage they have caused to people who never did anything to them. ...

Some people rise above that. Many do not.

Ok, here is my opinion: you have to tell them. You have to be true to yourself. You don't have to do it today or tomorrow and you have to be prepared, both mentally but financially, for the possibility they will completely reject you. If that happens, take heart from two things: first, you are not alone and there are others in the gay community you can seek out where you are who will help you. And, second, there is always time for your family to change their minds and realize the error of their ways. But, to not tell them means you are not being fair to you. And, that's not right. You matter. You are special and just as worthy of love and respect as they are. And, and this is the most important thing, you have not done anything wrong.

Not one. Damn. Thing.

You are who you are. You don't owe anyone any explanations or apologies. And, you should not settle for being treated as second class.

The edits and bold emphasis are my own... but I wanted to copy and paste this again here because I could not agree more, and I think those words need extra emphasis.

Not. One. Damn. Thing!

I too have Christian family, a Christian fiancee, and know only two other atheists in real life, one in another state (and married to a Christian who hates my guts for having previously dated her, even though we're in no way romantic), and another now on the other side of the globe. So I sympathize. That said, I know lots of gay people because of volunteer work I've done for decades now, related to nonprofit HIV/AIDS activism and support groups, and I will tell you that I can not think of one of them who would not tell you that it was worth the struggle of coming out to their family, when they were ready to do so (and not before!), despite all the awfulness from some of those family members, because they realized two things about the family's religious views:
1. The religious views were themselves to blame, since they were designed and refined for the express purpose of controlling the minds of gullible people, by giving them a sense of rightness and moral superiority, of social belonging, and it is not your fault or theirs that they cannot see easily past years of indoctrination.
2. They are the problem, not you. There is nothing wrong with you. Not. One. Damn. Thing.

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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