How should I approach this?
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20-01-2016, 09:39 AM (This post was last modified: 20-01-2016 09:46 AM by WeAreTheCosmos.)
How should I approach this?
My gf has previously expressed interest in cosmetic surgery.

For quite some time she was interested in a boob job, but I have recently managed to actually convince her she doesn't need them done, and she's been more confident because she trusts me... That, and we've been watching porn together lately, and she can see I'm legitimately uninterested in big boobs.

She had also expressed concern that her lips were too thin. Again, I explained to her that I love her lips, and they aren't thin, just small like her other petite features. They still have beautiful shape and they're so soft. She's happy with that.

The problem is, though, that I'm a terrible liar, so I am having a bit of trouble with this last one... she's most interested in maybe lipo or some kind of tuck under her chin. Now, I don't think she needs it, however, I can't exactly pretend her appearance wouldn't benefit from it. She's only 5'2" and about 105 lbs if I had to guess, but she has what looks like a near double chin at times, and has had it since highschool. Some extra fat deposits under her otherwise petite face and chin... I honestly think she's outstandingly beautiful, but I also think that's the weakest point of her appearance. I havent seen any other otherwise slim/fit women with anything like that. And while I'm perfectly content, I know she isn't, and I don't know what to say to her about it. Again, I'm terrible at lying, so I'm more looking for a way to agree without insulting or damaging her confidence.
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20-01-2016, 09:47 AM
RE: How should I approach this?
It sounds like she has a bit of a problem with her self-esteem. I think it's great that you try and build her up as a supportive and loving boyfriend. Plastic surgery--like anything--can become an addiction. I think it is especially easy for it to become an addiction with people who have low self-esteem (as you mentioned, she already expressed a desire to change several other things about herself).

If it was me, I would tell her she should do what makes her happy and that you will support her, but you love her and are very attracted to her just the way she is. Little imperfections are sexy, it makes you you.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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20-01-2016, 09:51 AM
RE: How should I approach this?
Body modification is fine, but only if it is done for the right reasons. I would not say yes or no and make sure this is purely a like preference that wont get obsessive to mask an insecurity. But ultimately it is her choice and not your body.

Mental insecurities can lead to all sorts of addictions, alcoholism, anorexia, bulimia. I am not saying that to scare you or saying that is why she wants it. I am saying you simply have to do it for the right reasons and not simply to mask an insecurity.

An ethical doctor, with things like gender re assignment will do everything before hand to make sure that when it is done, the person ends up happy and it sticks. If they think for one second you are simply doing it for the wrong reasons, the ethical doctor wont do it.

Just like a tatoo, you got to be sure it is what you want and you do it for the right reasons, because those kinds of changes are hard to reverse. Education is the key, not yes or no.

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20-01-2016, 09:54 AM
RE: How should I approach this?
(20-01-2016 09:39 AM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  My gf has previously expressed interest in cosmetic surgery.

For quite some time she was interested in a boob job, but I have recently managed to actually convince her she doesn't need them done, and she's been more confident because she trusts me... That, and we've been watching porn together lately, and she can see I'm legitimately uninterested in big boobs.

She had also expressed concern that her lips were too thin. Again, I explained to her that I love her lips, and they aren't thin, just small like her other petite features. They still have beautiful shape and they're so soft. She's happy with that.

The problem is, though, that I'm a terrible liar, so I am having a bit of trouble with this last one... she's most interested in maybe lipo or some kind of tuck under her chin. Now, I don't think she needs it, however, I can't exactly pretend her appearance wouldn't benefit from it. She's only 5'2" and about 105 lbs if I had to guess, but she has what looks like a near double chin at times, and has had it since highschool. Some extra fat deposits under her otherwise petite face and chin... I honestly think she's outstandingly beautiful, but I also think that's the weakest point of her appearance. I havent seen any other otherwise slim/fit women with anything like that. And while I'm perfectly content, I know she isn't, and I don't know what to say to her about it. Again, I'm terrible at lying, so I'm more looking for a way to agree without insulting or damaging her confidence.

I think you should support her decision to have cosmetic surgery. If you're both up for it, then why should there be a problem?

Society has demonized cosmetic surgery as being for the vain and vapid, but I'm of the opinion that body image is very important, and people should feel comfortable in their own skin. We have a means to correct the little things that irk us, so why not take advantage of it? There should be nothing wrong with a person choosing to make a few changes, just as there's nothing wrong with a person feeling comfortable in their bodies "as is".
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20-01-2016, 10:00 AM
RE: How should I approach this?
(20-01-2016 09:47 AM)jennybee Wrote:  It sounds like she has a bit of a problem with her self-esteem. I think it's great that you try and build her up as a supportive and loving boyfriend. Plastic surgery--like anything--can become an addiction. I think it is especially easy for it to become an addiction with people who have low self-esteem (as you mentioned, she already expressed a desire to change several other things about herself).

If it was me, I would tell her she should do what makes her happy and that you will support her, but you love her and are very attracted to her just the way she is. Little imperfections are sexy, it makes you you.

That's the route I was planning on going, thanks. And yeah, I forgot to mention it, but the addiction part was also a concern I have.
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20-01-2016, 10:01 AM
RE: How should I approach this?
(20-01-2016 09:54 AM)Aliza Wrote:  
(20-01-2016 09:39 AM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  My gf has previously expressed interest in cosmetic surgery.

For quite some time she was interested in a boob job, but I have recently managed to actually convince her she doesn't need them done, and she's been more confident because she trusts me... That, and we've been watching porn together lately, and she can see I'm legitimately uninterested in big boobs.

She had also expressed concern that her lips were too thin. Again, I explained to her that I love her lips, and they aren't thin, just small like her other petite features. They still have beautiful shape and they're so soft. She's happy with that.

The problem is, though, that I'm a terrible liar, so I am having a bit of trouble with this last one... she's most interested in maybe lipo or some kind of tuck under her chin. Now, I don't think she needs it, however, I can't exactly pretend her appearance wouldn't benefit from it. She's only 5'2" and about 105 lbs if I had to guess, but she has what looks like a near double chin at times, and has had it since highschool. Some extra fat deposits under her otherwise petite face and chin... I honestly think she's outstandingly beautiful, but I also think that's the weakest point of her appearance. I havent seen any other otherwise slim/fit women with anything like that. And while I'm perfectly content, I know she isn't, and I don't know what to say to her about it. Again, I'm terrible at lying, so I'm more looking for a way to agree without insulting or damaging her confidence.

I think you should support her decision to have cosmetic surgery. If you're both up for it, then why should there be a problem?

Society has demonized cosmetic surgery as being for the vain and vapid, but I'm of the opinion that body image is very important, and people should feel comfortable in their own skin. We have a means to correct the little things that irk us, so why not take advantage of it? There should be nothing wrong with a person choosing to make a few changes, just as there's nothing wrong with a person feeling comfortable in their bodies "as is".

I agree, if you want plastic surgery, you should go for it. But to me being comfortable in your own skin is being comfortable/confident as is, not being enhanced medically in some way. While I don't think it's vain to get some work done, I do think society places way too much emphasis on perfection. Imo, people with imperfections are far sexier than people who are "perfect" looking. I just wish more people would embrace their uniqueness--it really is the only way we are going to redefine society's definition of beautiful.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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20-01-2016, 10:32 AM
RE: How should I approach this?
Two words ---

Michael Jackson.......


if that doesn't put you off the idea, nothing will.......

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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20-01-2016, 11:59 AM
RE: How should I approach this?
(20-01-2016 10:32 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  Two words ---

Michael Jackson.......


if that doesn't put you off the idea, nothing will.......

I'm not dating a young black man with daddy issues though.
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20-01-2016, 12:14 PM
RE: How should I approach this?
Be honest. Tell her you think she beautiful as she is but if she's unhappy with something you'll support her decision. However, I would also ask her to consider counseling first just so she knows that she's doing it to correct something worth correcting and not just falling into a "fixit" self-diminishing esteem issue. If she gets counseling and she learns to recognize the pitfalls of and possible addictions of body mods and still wants to do it, then go forward with confidence you both are prepared.

I will say there have been ads for some new methods of reducing that fat pocket under the chin that do not require surgery. You might check into those first. I haven't done any research on this so I have no idea whether it's good med or bogus. You are welcome to look into it.

http://www.bing.com/search?q=cold%20lase...0E50A3D1DC

Kudos to you for being such a great support for her. She's a lucky woman. Smile

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20-01-2016, 12:51 PM
RE: How should I approach this?
I agree that it's good to express your support of her, no matter what decision she makes to have done or leave alone. It does sound a bit like she has some insecurities, and I hope, if she decides to have surgery, that it helps with these. But insecurities are slippery things sometimes, and once one problem area has been "fixed" the insecurities are still around, just attached to something else.
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