How to best infiltrate Area 51?
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01-12-2016, 09:10 AM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
(01-12-2016 09:03 AM)adey67 Wrote:  
(01-12-2016 08:43 AM)Celestial_Wonder Wrote:  Oh no, I understand completely, and while my perception of government corruption is certainly one thing that keeps me from the military, I believe the main driving force these days is the 2-4 year contractual obligation.

The main reason I considered joining back in the day was free college education, but I hear that the government is rescinding a lot on that these days.

You also didn't respond about the programming bit ;p


Are you saying you don't poop? Also, if nothing can get past your anus then how were they able to store them there in the first place? Your butt theory seems to have many holes in it good sir. I guess you could even say its a... butt with holes or a... butthole.

I don't poop, because I'm holy with the lord and he removed the need, only the US government can get inside my ass because they pay me shed loads of money, so if you want to infiltrate my butt you're gonna have to pay Tongue

I won't judge you for your chosen vocation. >.>

But know there are many butts out there who don't charge people to get up inside them. You're going to have to prove to others that your ass is worth paying to tap. The US government certainly doesn't want others up in your hole, and without the government your hole wouldn't be so valuable... soooo you're basically married at this point. :\
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01-12-2016, 09:14 AM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
(01-12-2016 08:43 AM)Celestial_Wonder Wrote:  You also didn't respond about the programming bit ;p

It would probably have a better chance, though due to the layout of installations like this the amount of useful info you could obtain would be minimal. For anything more than sand and hills, you'd need to find a way inside Tongue

Probably a better chance of taking the place by force than getting in covertly.

'Murican Canadian
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01-12-2016, 09:18 AM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
(01-12-2016 08:37 AM)adey67 Wrote:  There's nothing at area 51 anymore, the US government decided to move all secret research facilities inside my rectum which I rent to them, its super secure as absolutely nothing gets passed my anus. Big Grin

So all I have to do is lace your food with laxatives, then watch as all the secrets come spilling out.

'Murican Canadian
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01-12-2016, 09:26 AM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
(01-12-2016 09:18 AM)yakherder Wrote:  
(01-12-2016 08:37 AM)adey67 Wrote:  There's nothing at area 51 anymore, the US government decided to move all secret research facilities inside my rectum which I rent to them, its super secure as absolutely nothing gets passed my anus. Big Grin

So all I have to do is lace your food with laxatives, then watch as all the secrets come spilling out.
Damn it don't tell uncle Sam that, this contract is worth a small fortune.
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01-12-2016, 10:06 AM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
(01-12-2016 09:26 AM)adey67 Wrote:  
(01-12-2016 09:18 AM)yakherder Wrote:  So all I have to do is lace your food with laxatives, then watch as all the secrets come spilling out.
Damn it don't tell uncle Sam that, this contract is worth a small fortune.

I thought you said you didn't poop... Rolleyes
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01-12-2016, 10:26 AM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
(01-12-2016 10:06 AM)Celestial_Wonder Wrote:  
(01-12-2016 09:26 AM)adey67 Wrote:  Damn it don't tell uncle Sam that, this contract is worth a small fortune.

I thought you said you didn't poop... Rolleyes
Oh I don't its just laxatives may interfere with the sensitive electronics being tested, I cant say anymore then thatBig Grin
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01-12-2016, 10:28 AM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
Go to the main gate, demand they let you tour the complex and for goodness sake don't say please.

That will solve all our problems. Drinking Beverage


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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01-12-2016, 10:54 AM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
(01-12-2016 10:28 AM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Go to the main gate, demand they let you tour the complex and for goodness sake don't say please.

That will solve all our problems. Drinking Beverage
No I'm British please and thankyou is very important no way I'm letting anyone in unless they say please first. Popcorn
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01-12-2016, 12:24 PM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
(01-12-2016 07:01 AM)Old Man Marsh Wrote:  [Image: Stilts_01.jpg]

Tree disguise.

Ent he special.
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01-12-2016, 08:40 PM
RE: How to best infiltrate Area 51?
(01-12-2016 08:11 AM)Celestial_Wonder Wrote:  
(30-11-2016 10:57 PM)Paleophyte Wrote:  [Image: Area_52.jpg]

Smart tumbleweed. Preprogram it so it won't have any RF signal to trace. You'll have to deploy and recover it later. It'll set off motion sensors, but that's expected from a tumbleweed. Set it to roll to a location, park and shoot video for a week, then roll to a recovery site.

Mind you, if it gets noticed they'll be able to pull your recovery location out of its chip without you ever knowing. Say "Hi!" to the welcoming committee you get from that.

If I were them I'd have something that would pick up on the stray emissions from electric motors, so you may need to go steampunk on the design.

Damn you thought of it before I did. Nice tumbleweed idea, but I don't see how it would be able to 'go' where you wanted it to. What type of mechanism would you use? And how would you get it over a fence?

There are a variety of control mechanisms possible from active reaction wheels to more passive changes in geometry to cause your tumbleweed to roll in the generally desired direction. NASA has given some thought to a similar idea for a wind-propelled Mars rover that is essentially a wheel that doubles as a sail. They got the idea when an inflated wheel got loose on a windy day and was subsequently involved in a long high-speed chase.

Getting it over the fence on the near side wouldn't require much more than muscle power. Getting it back might be trickier, though if all you want is the data a short-range transceiver would do the trick.

The first thing to do would be to check if tumbleweed is endemic to Area 51. If not it might be a bit conspicuous.

My suspicion is that you'd get it back with lots of very dull images of bugger all and a few very impressive images of aliens courtesy of standing orders to be creative with the more amusing infiltration attempts.

---
Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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