How to deal with a telemarketer
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29-12-2011, 01:08 PM
How to deal with a telemarketer
Telemarketer hawking cemetery plots makes the mistake of calling a professional comic . . .

As far as I can tell, this was a real call, not a setup. Had me on the floor.




Religious disputes are like arguments in a madhouse over which inmate really is Napoleon.
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29-12-2011, 01:28 PM
RE: How to deal with a telemarketer
I usually go with the Seinfeld solution. Ask for their home number so you can call them at their house later in the evening. Depending on their response, there are a million things you can say to shut them up.

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29-12-2011, 03:14 PM
RE: How to deal with a telemarketer
Want to hear something scary? I tried telemarketing once. I lasted all of five hours most of which was training before I literally stood up walked to the manager and said "I can't do this I feel like a piece of shit" and walked out.

What you're supposed to do is tell the caller to take you off of the call list and never call again. Legally in Canada that caller is ten obligated to remove your name and number from a form that is shared by all telemarketers. The number will remain off for a few months ( can't remember how long) before it goes back on.
However I watched my trainer countless times ignore the callee when asked to do this and then laugh as he placed the number on the call back list which guarantees them a call back in an hour.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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29-12-2011, 09:24 PM
RE: How to deal with a telemarketer
I usually answer the surveys and ask for whatever shit they're selling. The trick is ti give them the most fucked up information possible. It also helps to sound completely insane while talking to them.

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08-01-2012, 04:54 AM
RE: How to deal with a telemarketer
I start talking in Japanese. That way I can curse at them all I want, and they won't be able to tell the difference.

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24-01-2012, 05:30 PM
RE: How to deal with a telemarketer
I always answer with a foreign accent. If I can immediately peg the caller as a telemarketer, I talk very loud...
"Aylo!" Wait for them to start their pitch...
"AylOoo!, Ahmet!, AHMET!" Then I throw in some gibberish mixed with a little Turkish...

By this time the caller realizes that I'm a waste of time and then leaves me alone. That's even if I get that far. Usually after the second loud 'Aylo' they realize they have someone that doesn't have a good grasp of English.

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24-01-2012, 09:43 PM
RE: How to deal with a telemarketer
Tom is committing evil. One minute into it, the telemarketer flashes the ID - I'm just doing my job...

I failed as a collection agent, after being made manager. Now I know stuff; this is where tolerance becomes license. Basically, I tolerate earning nine bucks a day; I give license to my neighbor to make a buck in whatever manner can be justified.

Gotta do a lot of self-justifying to get into this kind of feild. Beyong the ethical standard of justification is the moral absolute of I have a right to live. One minute into the above convo, the ethical standard is reminiscent of Nuremberg. "Just" doing my job, "just" making a buck, "just" following the unspoken orders of ethical standard.

My way of dealing with telemarketers is to not have a phone.

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