How to deal with death?
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24-10-2012, 04:52 PM
How to deal with death?
Hi!

I'm new here so I'm not really sure, but it seems my last thread never got posted. If it DOES show up, please kick it in the virtual balls for being a complete d*****bag and tell me because it should probably be removed to avoid spamming the forum with threads of the same topic... Undecided

What I wanted to ask was the following: How do you personally view death and especially the death of loved ones? How do you cope with this knowing that there is most likely no afterlife. How do you cope with the idea of ceasing to exist? I'm in a bit of a crisis and your input would greatly help me!

Thanks in advance for sharing your views! It really means a lot to me.

Take care!
WeAreOne
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24-10-2012, 05:05 PM
Star RE: How to deal with death?
1. I understand there is a chance for a quality of life (or lack of) that death would be preferable by comparison.
2. I understand that there is a point in your existence where you've accomplished everything that you wanted to do, and so only have death to look forward to. But it'll be unlikely that you ever reach that point.
3. Experience of dying will be mind numbingly, ball crushingly terrifying.

For loved ones.
Loved ones die, and so tough loss. If they wanted to stay longer, I can't do anything about it. Comfort them until they pass, and move on when they pass.

For myself.
1. There may be a point where death is preferable to life. It's a possibility. So at that point, whatever I do will have no real consequence, so I'd like at least do something worthwhile "Well, I choose to die now. BUT before I do, I might as well do X."
2. The more likely reality is that my life will be too short to accomplish all the things that I want to accomplish. AND THAT WILL SUCK. I will try to reach a point in my life where dying is the next logical step "Well, I've done everything I ever wanted. Might as well try death." But that is very unlikely. Leaving some sort of legacy of course helps.
3. No way around the pain and terror of actually dying. I do take comfort that everyone has to go through it. There's a sense of equality and justice about that which I like.
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24-10-2012, 05:12 PM
RE: How to deal with death?
(24-10-2012 04:52 PM)WeAreOne Wrote:  Hi!

I'm new here so I'm not really sure, but it seems my last thread never got posted. If it DOES show up, please kick it in the virtual balls for being a complete d*****bag and tell me because it should probably be removed to avoid spamming the forum with threads of the same topic... Undecided

What I wanted to ask was the following: How do you personally view death and especially the death of loved ones? How do you cope with this knowing that there is most likely no afterlife. How do you cope with the idea of ceasing to exist? I'm in a bit of a crisis and your input would greatly help me!

Thanks in advance for sharing your views! It really means a lot to me.

Take care!
WeAreOne

The first thread, and/or post usually takes a few minutes, as they are moderated. You have no idea the number of nut cases there out there.

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24-10-2012, 05:46 PM
RE: How to deal with death?
(24-10-2012 04:52 PM)WeAreOne Wrote:  Hi!

I'm new here so I'm not really sure, but it seems my last thread never got posted. If it DOES show up, please kick it in the virtual balls for being a complete d*****bag and tell me because it should probably be removed to avoid spamming the forum with threads of the same topic... Undecided

What I wanted to ask was the following: How do you personally view death and especially the death of loved ones? How do you cope with this knowing that there is most likely no afterlife. How do you cope with the idea of ceasing to exist? I'm in a bit of a crisis and your input would greatly help me!

Thanks in advance for sharing your views! It really means a lot to me.

Take care!
WeAreOne

It would help to know whether you yourself are facing death, of if a loved one does.

Unlike poolboy, I don't think death is terrible at all, educate yourself on the process and you will see.

Personally, I am not at all scared. I go to sleep every night. I enjoy sleeping, or at least I think I do. Obviously when I am asleep, I am not aware that I am asleep. Just like death. So, for myself, when the time comes I won't be scared. I might even choose to die, given some horrible degerative disease or something like that.

Death of loved ones is a whole other story.

The course of grieving depends on how much of your present life was taken up by the deceased. Like, if you talk on the phone once a day, every day you will have a "grief trigger" when you realize all over again that they are gone. After x number of exposures to this trigger, your grief will become fairly easy to manage. You will think of the loved one when you want to, not because of physical triggers. Your brain has adjusted.

In another scenario, if you have lived with someone every day for 30 years, there will be an abundance of triggers, constantly. At the very least you will grieve for a year, until every sound, smell, season, special day, food, habit, etc etc etc has been experienced at least once without your partner. And note I say "at least", most times it takes more exposure than that.

As far as an afterlife, why should there be one? When you sleep you sleep. There is nothing wrong with sleeping.

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24-10-2012, 06:31 PM
RE: How to deal with death?



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24-10-2012, 06:36 PM (This post was last modified: 24-10-2012 06:40 PM by PoolBoyG.)
RE: How to deal with death?
Quote:Unlike poolboy, I don't think death is terrible at all, educate yourself on the process and you will see.

You're making a straw man. I didn't say 'death', I said 'PROCESS OF DYING'.

The process of death, as I've stated, is very accurate. It's a terror you will never know until that one time it comes- the quick screams, writhing agony of pain as your body is struggling against shutting down is not a pleasant experience to feel, or witness. There is no romantic way of dying. Millions of people do it, and yet is hardly talked about or shown. So I understand your ignorance (unless, of course, you simply misread the post to make it mean something else).

Nothing in my previous post has changed.
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24-10-2012, 06:41 PM
RE: How to deal with death?
1. How to deal with life? We have involved something called emotions to set our goals. Basically everyone set their goals using their emotions, except some people are lying about that and would like to persuade others that they re doing it because of some magical force (like god or unconditional altruism). And there s nothing bad about setting your goals according to your emotions, because they were just made for that and anyway you cant do anything else.
2. Is it bad to be dead? I would say yes, but not so so bad. For example most people would prefer to take narcotics if they have to go over painful operation than being conscious during that time. This is the same as to say they prefer to be dead for an hour than experiencing an hour of pain.

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24-10-2012, 07:02 PM
RE: How to deal with death?
Hi. No to be honest I do not face death of myself or someone else right now. I do not really know why, but lately I couldn't get this topic out of my mind and got really really depressed over thinking that everything that lives just vanishes like that. Not just humans but anything. As a human I am used to finding meaning in things, which of course conflicts with the fact that death appears to be completely meaningless. And if death is meaningless, is life, too? Now don't get me wrong: By no means do I wish to die, but considered that nothing here on earth really appears to be of consequence when applied to the universe as a whole conflicts with the fact that I as a human am hardwired to find meaning. And when you think about it, it just sends you around in a frustrating circle. Right now I am caught in this loop and since I do not really seem to arrive at any conclusion I thought it would be good to hear what other people think.
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24-10-2012, 07:07 PM
RE: How to deal with death?
(24-10-2012 06:36 PM)poolboyg88 Wrote:  
Quote:Unlike poolboy, I don't think death is terrible at all, educate yourself on the process and you will see.

You're making a straw man. I didn't say 'death', I said 'PROCESS OF DYING'.

I'm sure no personal attack on you was intended. I for my part certainly do appreciate all input. Different ways of thinking are always welcome!Yes
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24-10-2012, 08:24 PM
RE: How to deal with death?
As for dealing with your own death, well, I've been told by so many doctors lately that if they can't treat my glandular problems, I probably won't live much longer. It doesn't bother me. Why should it? I guess there's the idea of unfinished business, and being remembered for being such a fabulous person, but otherwise, the lack of an afterlife is the biggest relief ever for me. I can't think of anything more horrible than having to live forever. Even if you died first, your friends have made new friends on earth, your former BF/GF/spouse has moved on to someone else, and even cool people get annoying after too long (such as if you had to be around them for eternity). Everlasting life, even on a cloud with Jesus, sounds a lot like my idea of torment.

Additionally, even if I haven't accomplished everything I wanted to or whatever, if I'm dead, I no longer have to be stressed out about it. Because I'm dead. Ceasing to exist, after a long and fulfilling life, sounds like the best possible option.

Sure, I don't like the idea of dying in pain, and I hope I do not. I've never understood the fear of "dying alone." If you're dying, what does it matter if you're alone? I've almost died numerous times from adrenal crisis, among other things, and I still think I'd prefer to die alone. Who wants people to remember you in a horrible wretched state, bitching and moaning?

As for other people dying:

As others have said, you learn to deal with it. It is difficult. From my observations, it's also difficult for theists, they just go around saying things like "They're in a better place" without really seeming to believe that. It seems like half the people I know have died in the past decade.

And yes, there are triggers. When my dad died, I started crying one time while walking my dog past his favorite bar.

What happens is it sucks really bad for a while, because you realize they are not there anymore. Then, you begin to adapt to life without them, and even to focus on the good times you had without getting too bummed.
(24-10-2012 04:52 PM)WeAreOne Wrote:  How do you cope with this knowing that there is most likely no afterlife.

This sentiment always confuses me for a number of reasons. One is that theists grieve too, often pretty deeply, as though they don't really think the person is on a cloud eating tea and crumpets with Jesus. Another is: why should anyone rely on delusion to cope with something as commonplace as death? Sure, it has a huge impact on people, but it happens to every single person without fail. I don't understand why people would have to rely on an unproven belief in an afterlife to cope with something that is real and happens to everyone. I think humans are made of more resilient stuff than most give them credit for. Unless you live in total isolation in a cave somewhere, grief will happen to you at some point. And yet, most people eventually learn to cope. All the people I've been closest to in my life are dead. And yet, I still soldier on. If I can do, I figure anyone can.

I fully expect about 10 more of my relatives to die in the next few years, my maternal grandparents and their siblings (the ones left) are in their 80s and 90s. and these are just the relatives I have been fairly close to at some time. What I do is try to be around them, talk to them, above all listen to them, without deluding myself or being in denial, if possible.

I think honesty is the best policy for these things: facing our own mortality and that of others. Some argue that believing in woo helps people cope, and I don't agree. I think people have been conditioned to think that the only way to cope with death is believing nonsense, and I'm not very much into intellectual dishonesty.

*All this being said, I did struggle with issues involving mortality in my 20s, esp my early 20s. But as I said, it's a process, whether grieving for yourself or others. I think you should just face it and think it through and move through it, rather than thinking woo is necessary because you're somehow not psychologically capable of dealing with stuff that happens in reality.
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