How to deal with disappointed family?
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02-12-2012, 08:38 PM
RE: How to deal with disappointed family?
(02-12-2012 06:28 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(02-12-2012 06:08 AM)Mark Fulton Wrote:  Thanks DLJ...this goes you know where


Do I? I think I don't.

(btw sorry for being absent re. your book. Gonna get to it over the christmas break)
Where is your book available for purchase, Mark?
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02-12-2012, 09:43 PM
RE: How to deal with disappointed family?
Don't sweat it. If they don't find you living up to their expectations, fuck em.

I have been in pretty much every respect, an absolute disappointment to each and every family member I have. I'm cool with it. No big thang. To be honest they don't live up to my expectations either, but the difference is I don't feel the need to tell them about it all the time.

The most important thing for you is if you are proud of yourself.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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02-12-2012, 11:37 PM
RE: How to deal with disappointed family?
(02-12-2012 02:36 AM)Noelani Wrote:  I recently sent a "coming out" e-mail to a family member. They were aware that I had been questioning my faith, but didn't know to what extent. I've been keeping my atheism a secret from most of my family for well over a year. I knew it was going to have to come out at some point. After a year of unlearning everything I thought was true about the bible, evolution, the big bang, etc... I felt confident enough to take on the ensuing discussions. One thing in their response e-mail that I was not prepared for, however, was how sad they were for me.


This, of course, makes me feel terrible. I don't want them to be sad for me, especially since I am so happy now. The world makes so much more sense now and I am so grateful to be free from religion. I don't think I will ever be able to get anyone who is religious to understand how I feel and why.
Maybe, due to the nature of religion, they will always feel sad for me. Have any of you found a way to discuss this with your friends or families? What worked or didn't work for you?

For now I am just living life and enjoying every minute of it. I'm hoping they will get hint that I am happy and they should be happy for me, too.







*I wasn't sure if this should go the recovering from religion section or not. Mods, feel free to move it.


If it were me, I think I'd end up giving the relatives a good old fashion verbal (or text) beat down to knock them off their high horses if they ever came out with "sad for me" remarks, but then that's just me and I enjoy the chance to get a little verbal sparing practice once in a while.

I doubt you have the same personality that I do, so I cannot really give much advice, but if it is any help, I suggest you take their "sad for you"'s and send them back up the orifice from whence they came (Not to say I don't think it is sincere, they probably are saddened by the news) but I feel it is important to assert your new *character; Tell them you are happy now, and that you feel you are free. And, tell your family that, if they've the balls, to ask whatever questions they may have.

I wish you luck, even with my bad advice.

*I say character because they view of you is likely different now.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
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03-12-2012, 12:08 AM
RE: How to deal with disappointed family?
Thanks Free. I'm not above giving 'em a couple jabs, verbally of course, if they don't back off and realize that I believe differently and that I don't appreciate people who are hellbent on changing my mind.
I will only change my mind for truth and evidence and nothing else.
But, for many reasons, I can't write them off and nor would I want to. Religion has caused too many negative things in my life so I do think I will pick my battles carefully. I will not allow religion to drive me and my family apart.
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03-12-2012, 12:11 AM
RE: How to deal with disappointed family?
Of course, writing your family off would be a poor choice for all involved.

The people closely associated with the namesake of female canines are suffering from a nondescript form of lunacy.
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03-12-2012, 12:59 PM
RE: How to deal with disappointed family?
(02-12-2012 02:36 AM)Noelani Wrote:  I recently sent a "coming out" e-mail to a family member. They were aware that I had been questioning my faith, but didn't know to what extent. I've been keeping my atheism a secret from most of my family for well over a year. I knew it was going to have to come out at some point. After a year of unlearning everything I thought was true about the bible, evolution, the big bang, etc... I felt confident enough to take on the ensuing discussions. One thing in their response e-mail that I was not prepared for, however, was how sad they were for me.


This, of course, makes me feel terrible. I don't want them to be sad for me, especially since I am so happy now. The world makes so much more sense now and I am so grateful to be free from religion. I don't think I will ever be able to get anyone who is religious to understand how I feel and why.
Maybe, due to the nature of religion, they will always feel sad for me. Have any of you found a way to discuss this with your friends or families? What worked or didn't work for you?

For now I am just living life and enjoying every minute of it. I'm hoping they will get hint that I am happy and they should be happy for me, too.







*I wasn't sure if this should go the recovering from religion section or not. Mods, feel free to move it.
I have 2 family members that are still sad after over 20 years since I told them I am an atheist. Lately, they have been more vocal about it I think, in part, because we are all getting older and that threat of hell gets ever closer. My own confidence in my thinking about religion allows me to put it all aside comfortably when I'm not interacting with them. During the times we are together, most of the time the subject of religion doesn't come up. But, if they do want to talk about religion, I allow it but I also make the ground rule that we are discussing it so they can understand me better not so they can change my mind or become insulting. As soon as the conversation deters from politeness, I calmly remind them that I'm only willing to continue discussing if they are in fact discussing and not preaching. This approach works well for me and my family. Of course, different people are different so you'll probably have to try different things and see what works best for you and your family. My approach is just one.

By the way, congratulations on your coming out. Thumbsup

"Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea." --Madalyn Murray O'Hair
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03-12-2012, 03:06 PM
RE: How to deal with disappointed family?
Well when I came out to my mom, she cried and said I had a cold heart and she didn't know how I was alive. But after that day, we have never discussed it again. I think it's best to just not bring it up because you never want to fight with family members. Whenever we have holiday dinners with other families, they like to hold hands and pray. I do hold hands but I do not close my eyes or bow my head. I just look straight ahead and think about other things. It will not be good to ruin the holidays by causing a conflict you can avoid.

So basically, try to avoid any conflict unless absolutely necessary.
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03-12-2012, 05:14 PM
RE: How to deal with disappointed family?
Impulse, I think that is a very respectful approach to all involved. If my family members do want to talk about it I think this approach could be very useful. I'm glad that it has worked well for you.

Thiago, Wow, I'm glad that your mom calmed down after the initial freak out. I also hold hands for prayer if I am in someone else's house, but I have yet to deal with someone trying to lead a group prayer in my house.
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