How to deal with it?
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24-06-2014, 05:40 PM (This post was last modified: 24-06-2014 08:04 PM by anonymous66.)
How to deal with it?
In many ways, my life is pretty good. I have a young son and wife that I love.... I'm doing what I've always wanted to do for employment, I work for myself, I set my own hours.....

But, sometimes people get to me. I feel the need to react somehow, but then I realize I don't even like the people who are giving me problems, and so I just stuff those feelings until I feel like exploding.

Lately, it's just that people are disrespecting me. I was in the public library the other day with my son at storytime, and afterward a woman came up to me (another parent and regular attender), and basically mocked me and the way I do business (I have a storefront shop in a small town), and let me know she had a problem with me in a very nasty, underhanded way. I have no idea where it came from, and there was no direct confrontation, so it wasn't like we could have a conversation. It just made me think that she's been influenced by someone who has been saying negative things about me, but I have no idea who or why.

If this were an isolated incidence, it would be no big deal, but there appears to be some people in this small town that just like to take potshots.... The feeling is that they're telling me in subtle and not so subtle ways "we know what kind of person you are, and you're a laughingstock not worthy of our respect".

I'm not perfect, and in fact, I can be hard to get along with.... but I still have value, and I certainly don't deserve this kind of treatment. How to deal with the anger without getting into a ragefest with next person who looks at me crosseyed?

I'm basically being harassed in such a way that I feel defensive and angry around certain people without being able to determine exactly why.

It seems that if I get angry at the people who take these nasty shots at me, then I've lost, I've given them power over me..... and yet, I'm very angry about the situation.
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24-06-2014, 07:26 PM
RE: How to deal with it?
Feel free to borrow my Universal Smartass Reply: "How very Christian of you!"

Works for every situation when accompanied by a big grin (bonus points if you can muster up the Christian smile), third cousin of the Southern "Bless your heart!"

Oh, and be sure your tone of voice leaves them in a diabetic coma.

Big Grin

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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25-06-2014, 12:32 AM
RE: How to deal with it?
I stopped having these sorts of problems when I adopted the ancient, Eastern philosophy of "Because fuck you."

Yes yes, I know; it sounds very of-the-cuff and vapid and meaningless. But truly: when you stop giving anything more than .0 fucks about what people think, you realize that all of the judgment and the criticism and the guilt and the pressure just slips away. I really, really does.

Does your wife love you? Yes. Does your son look at you and smile proudly? Yes. Do you love your job? Yes. Isn't life just fuckin' amazing? Yes. So stop giving a shit about what these people have to say. In the end, it wouldn't matter what you do or how you do it; someone, somewhere, is gonna have a problem with it. You can do X and get a hundred people complaining about how you should have done Y. So you do Y and then get a hundred people complaining about how X was the better way to go. Just do YOU, bro. While I despise the adolescent mindset, I've gotta concede that the teens have always had at least one solid point: they don't give a shit. (That's a lie; they give more of a shit than most people. But they pretend they don't, and that's something to strive for)

In the end, I know this sounds like nothing more than empty words. "It's easy to tell me not to give a fuck, but I still DO." It's natural. We're a social species and we want to be accepted and loved within our group. It's what helped our ancestors to survive. But you need to sincerely work on it inside of yourself. Stop caring. Have a beer and walk into town with a pep in your step and your head held high. The next person who looks at you cross-eyed? Chuckle and give them an extended finger. These people are not actual critics. No matter what happens in your life, they will not control who and what you are. They can't. They could take away your business and your family and chain you up in a dungeon, and yet you could still be who you are. These people don't matter. So stop living as though they do. The only people who should matter to you now are the ones you love. Your wife, your kid, and the rest of your family and close friends. (*Note*: The latter two are subject to change)

If you extend those feelings to anyone else, well, you may be more than Miso can deal with. But do think about it. Make "I am me, so fuck you" your way of life, and all will be well within yourself. I make no promises regarding the social repercussions. But I do promise you will feel a fuck of a lot better, and people tend to duck out of the way when they realize there are no fucks to be given from your end. Even if it makes them dislike you more…you don't give a fuck. Either way, you win.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
Ridi, Pagliaccio, sul tuo amore infranto! Ridi del duol, che t'avvelena il cor!
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25-06-2014, 12:36 AM
RE: How to deal with it?
Just make sure that you give .0 fucks in such a way that it doesn't cause undue repercussions in business... Tongue

I know the general feeling, albeit from a different angle (different experiences and all that jazz). It's truly maddening.

A person very dear to me was badly hurt through a misunderstanding and miscommunication. For this, I am sorry, and he knows it. That said, any blaming me for malicious intent is for the birds. I will not wear some scarlet letter, I will not be anybody's whipping girl, and I will not lurk in silence.
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26-06-2014, 08:51 AM
RE: How to deal with it?
Thanks guys.
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