How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
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24-05-2011, 03:41 AM (This post was last modified: 24-05-2011 11:17 AM by Thammuz.)
How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
Had some fundies at my door today. And since I was feeling a little evil, I decided to act that way. They were nicely dressed up, so I decided I'd make it worth their while.

I'm currently living in The Netherlands, even though I'm Belgian. Same language, different accent. But I decided to bring it to a new level Tongue


After greeting them in russian with a big smile on my face, the looked stunned.
"Dutch?" they asked
- "Njet, russki" Vy govorite po-frantsuzski? Parlez-vous Français peut-être?
I saw the quastion marks on their faces "French? Russian? no, English maybe?"
-English? liiiittle, yes yes
Then they started presenting themselves (in crappy english), I invited them in and I answered 'yes yes' to every question until they realized I didn't understand a word they were saying. Took them about 5 minutes

At this point they were getting irritated, but since I was so friendly and all, they somewhat continued their efforts. Ok, the 'yes' part was getting kinda boring, but I noticed some time ago that alot of people here speak some german. Well, their german is as good as the spanish of most americans, but they make an effort. So I continued along that path

-"Sprechen sie vielleicht Deutsch?"
They somewhat rejoiced and struggled to continue in german. Well, their german was actually quite horrible, but that made things more fun to me

The next 5 minutes, they listened to my academic german ramblings about the loving Jesus and the important role of religion in today's society. They didn't understand half of it, but they made an effort. One of them finally had enough and said they had to go.

I responded that it was really sad that God created all those different languages after the tower of Babel affair. It would be much easier to spread the good word and avoid translations errors and so on... (all with a big smile of course)

They went out with a hurry.


Ok, It took me about 15minutes of my life, but it was fun enough to see them struggle in different languages. Big Grin
Maybe I should find something more evil next time, but it seemed a good idea at the time.



So, what's a good suggestion to make Jehova fundies waste their precious time?

"Infinitus est numerus stultorum." (The number of fools is infinite)
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24-05-2011, 10:35 AM
RE: How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
I'm learning German, and Spanish is easy... but how the F did you ever learn to speak Russian? I tried once and could barely manage the basics. It's like you have the catch the words in your throat and distort them so they sound like English being playing backwards. Kudos.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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24-05-2011, 11:09 AM (This post was last modified: 24-05-2011 11:16 AM by Thammuz.)
RE: How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
(24-05-2011 10:35 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  Likes Given: 666

Did you do that on purpose? Big Grin


Back to the subject; my Russian isn't great either (I think I'm back to chapter 12 now, after a few years of neglect Tongue), but I like to use basic phrases to confuse irritating people. French works great in the Netherlands too. When a cop pulls me over, he's always in for a great time. Their linguistic skills often leave to be desired over here. Tongue

I'm proficient in French, Dutch, German and English, passive knowledge of Spanish. And apart from that I'm trying to learn Russian and Japanese, but they're both very hard. And if I ever master them, I'd like to try Hebrew, just because of the way it sounds.


But if people use their precious time to study badly translated bronze age texts (and then try to sell the bullshit to others), then I can imagine why they remain monoglots... (No offense to the monoglots, though)

"Infinitus est numerus stultorum." (The number of fools is infinite)
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24-05-2011, 11:09 AM
 
RE: How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
I'm mono-lingual. Tongue I only speak two languages. English and bad English! (Thanks to, "The Fifth Element" )
I don't like people wasting my time selling zombies door to door. I have "No Trespassing" signs posted the length of my long driveway and so I figure, if someone chooses to ignore that presuming the resident is damned, they earn what they get.

The last time I had a JW at my door, I saw them coming from my front window. I stripped butt naked, closed all the room darkening drapes through out the house, because the floor plan is like unto an oval so it was easy to start where I was seeing them through that window and making my way round to the back door, just in time for them to knock right after I lit candles on my dining room table which was easy to be seen over my shoulder.
I answered the door full frontal naked, with a butcher knife in my hand that I'd thought to grab from the knife block in the kitchen that's right before the door.
Dressed to the 9's in their Sunday best, these women all of whom had to be over 60 each, started their opening spiel clueless they were looking at a naked woman holding a knife.
"Hello, I'm __________<Whatever, have you heard of..."
Then the tit view kicked in. Just as she shut up I looked over my shoulder and called into what I knew was an empty house, "Honey! The human sacrifices to lord Satan have arrived!" And then I looked back at these women who were whiter than usual and smiled.
Suffice to say, I think they spread the word to scratch this house off their knock list, as in the midst of falling "Watchtowers" they walked faster than they'd probably done in more years than they could count. And that little mini-van made it's way up the drive that I have no doubt provided their attention to the, "No Trespassing" signs that line the drive for those who are exiting to read too.

I think it's rude, to presume everyone someone like that encounters are damned by the teachings of a transparent lie and poorly written fiction, until those persons either account of themselves as saved from the god that damns people, or concedes to be ministered to in order to save it.

Fuck that!
I don't owe a trespassing cultist one iota of respect when they fail to respect the written warning, that they can damn sure read when they can read their Bibles, that let's them know if they're not invited, don't come!
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24-05-2011, 11:13 AM
RE: How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
@GassyKitten, now that's something great. I almost feel ashamed for my post Tongue

You get a REP+1

"Infinitus est numerus stultorum." (The number of fools is infinite)
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24-05-2011, 11:23 AM
RE: How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
Wow. Her story far exceeds yours Thammuz.

“Science is simply common sense at its best, that is, rigidly accurate in observation, and merciless to fallacy in logic.”
—Thomas Henry Huxley
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24-05-2011, 11:34 AM
RE: How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
(24-05-2011 11:23 AM)TheBeardedDude Wrote:  Wow. Her story far exceeds yours Thammuz.

Yeah, I know... She really inspired me. Next time... muhahahaha Big Grin

"Infinitus est numerus stultorum." (The number of fools is infinite)
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24-05-2011, 11:39 AM
RE: How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
(24-05-2011 11:09 AM)Thammuz Wrote:  
(24-05-2011 10:35 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  Likes Given: 666

Did you do that on purpose? Big Grin


It was a gift from Deep Thought for my ability to play the banjo with my feet (or something like that).

It doesn't change (see, I'll Like your post to prove it) so I am forever brandished with the mark of the beast.


EDIT: It changed! (crys softly into bag of chips) You lied to me Deep Thought! I am forsaken! Fetch me a numerologist, I need it changed back on the double!

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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24-05-2011, 11:43 AM
 
RE: How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
God those guys are so fucking annoying. Rep to you Thammuz Big Grin

I watched a video the other week of some Islamic people beating Jehova's witnesses. I was disgusted, but deep down I've always wanted to do the same thing Smile
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24-05-2011, 11:51 AM
 
RE: How to fuck with Jehova's witnesses
I don't remember exactly where I had seen that (maybe it was family guy) but one great way to fuck with them is this:

*knock, knock*

Idiots: "Hi, we're Jehovah's witnesses and blah blah blah..."
Irritated person behind the door: "So, you claim to know when the world is gonna end?
Idiots: "Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Still irritated person: "Come again one day after that!"

*door slam*

Big Grin
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