How to help someone being abused?
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07-03-2016, 09:52 AM
How to help someone being abused?
I have a friend who is trapped in a situation. Here are the relevant factors:
Family/community is Catholic, traditionalist
HS education (was home schooled)
She is no longer a believer
Forced to attend church
Has multiple children
Health issues making pregnancy very dangerous
Has lost multiple pregnancies, during one she almost died herself
Being denied birth control
Terrified of becoming pregnant again
Until very recently was denied ability to work
Has part time, hourly job
Seeing therapist for depression (as one might expect)
Was forced to sign release allowing therapist to tell husband about sessions
She wants to leave but feels trapped, primarily because she doesn't know how she would survive and take care of her children with only an hourly job, no insurance, etc.
She left once, and stayed in a domestic violence shelter, but went back to him when he agreed to let her work outside the home and to seek counselling. But their marriage counselor is also a traditionalist catholic, so...

I am unable to help other than to provide moral support for reasons I can't go in to here. I want to help her make an escape plan.

What are her options? What are some resources? Are there any secular organizations that can help her get out of this?

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07-03-2016, 09:55 AM
RE: How to help someone being abused?
(07-03-2016 09:52 AM)TurkeyBurner Wrote:  I have a friend who is trapped in a situation. Here are the relevant factors:
Family/community is Catholic, traditionalist
HS education (was home schooled)
She is no longer a believer
Forced to attend church
Has multiple children
Health issues making pregnancy very dangerous
Has lost multiple pregnancies, during one she almost died herself
Being denied birth control
Terrified of becoming pregnant again
Until very recently was denied ability to work
Has part time, hourly job
Seeing therapist for depression (as one might expect)
Was forced to sign release allowing therapist to tell husband about sessions
She wants to leave but feels trapped, primarily because she doesn't know how she would survive and take care of her children with only an hourly job, no insurance, etc.
She left once, and stayed in a domestic violence shelter, but went back to him when he agreed to let her work outside the home and to seek counselling. But their marriage counselor is also a traditionalist catholic, so...

I am unable to help other than to provide moral support for reasons I can't go in to here. I want to help her make an escape plan.

What are her options? What are some resources? Are there any secular organizations that can help her get out of this?

Sounds like every woman in my grandma's generation. Sad

Find a local shelter. They will have advice. They don't tend to be based on religion.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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07-03-2016, 10:00 AM
RE: How to help someone being abused?
I agree with Dom, find info in her area about a domestic violence shelter. I think that would be the best way to go because they will be on her side and have the resources and experience to help.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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07-03-2016, 10:06 AM
RE: How to help someone being abused?
researching now... thanks

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07-03-2016, 10:27 AM
RE: How to help someone being abused?
I don't mean this as a flippant comment ... I'm serious ... she should start writing her auto-biography.

Her plan should involve a friend going to the press... maybe the Boston Globe?

Yes

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07-03-2016, 10:40 AM
RE: How to help someone being abused?
(07-03-2016 10:27 AM)DLJ Wrote:  I don't mean this as a flippant comment ... I'm serious ... she should start writing her auto-biography.

Her plan should involve a friend going to the press... maybe the Boston Globe?

Yes

Gotcha... I am not sure she would be comfortable doing that anywhere he might find it.

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07-03-2016, 10:46 AM
RE: How to help someone being abused?
(07-03-2016 10:40 AM)TurkeyBurner Wrote:  
(07-03-2016 10:27 AM)DLJ Wrote:  I don't mean this as a flippant comment ... I'm serious ... she should start writing her auto-biography.

Her plan should involve a friend going to the press... maybe the Boston Globe?

Yes

Gotcha... I am not sure she would be comfortable doing that anywhere he might find it.

Write it for her.

Rolleyes

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07-03-2016, 11:28 AM
RE: How to help someone being abused?
Make him disappear Drinking Beverage

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07-03-2016, 11:32 AM
RE: How to help someone being abused?
Id get advice from a shelter. But I might add that if her husband is that controlling when she does leave she needs to make sure he doesnt know where she is, for her safety. At least for a little while.
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07-03-2016, 11:39 AM
RE: How to help someone being abused?
(07-03-2016 11:32 AM)Hobbitgirl Wrote:  Id get advice from a shelter. But I might add that if her husband is that controlling when she does leave she needs to make sure he doesnt know where she is, for her safety. At least for a little while.

Add to that the need to be secure in phone conversations -- delete the call from the call log, etc. Tipping her hand in that sort of environment could possibly make him dangerously angry.
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