How to make a scientist laugh
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29-12-2013, 04:15 PM
How to make a scientist laugh
Stuck for a good opening joke for your next lecture? Dying to know what kind of scientist would ask for their drinks to be "shaken and not stirred"? Fear no more, the Guardian comes to the rescue.Tip: Don't skip the comment section!

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/...rite-jokes
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29-12-2013, 05:33 PM
RE: How to make a scientist laugh
Good find.

Smile

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29-12-2013, 11:09 PM
RE: How to make a scientist laugh
A neutron walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "how much for a drink?". The bartender says, "for you, no charge!"
Well, I thought it was mildly amusing Dodgy

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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29-12-2013, 11:46 PM
RE: How to make a scientist laugh
(29-12-2013 11:09 PM)aurora Wrote:  A neutron walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "how much for a drink?". The bartender says, "for you, no charge!"
Well, I thought it was mildly amusing Dodgy

Three mathematicians walk into a bar. You'd think the third one would have ducked.
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30-12-2013, 04:35 AM
RE: How to make a scientist laugh
From the comments:

"Heisenberg and Schrödinger are out for a drive when they get stopped by the police. The policeman asks Heisenberg "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?" and Heisenberg says "No, but I know where I am!". Confused, the officer says "Sir, you were doing 80 mph", and Heisenberg throws his hands in the air and huffs "Great, now I don't know where I am anymore!". The policeman thinks something is going on, and orders the pair out of the car so that he can search it for contraband. He looks under the seats, in the glove compartment, in the back, and then walks around the car and opens the boot. He stares into it for a moment, turns to Schrödinger and says "Sir, did you know there's a dead cat in here?!", so Schrödinger rolls his eyes and snorts "Yeah, we do now!"."

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30-12-2013, 10:07 AM
RE: How to make a scientist laugh
Three scientists are sitting at a small cafe watching the world go by. As they watch, two people enter one of the nearby buildings. A few minutes later three people emerge. "Ah-Ha!" beams the biologist, "They've reproduced." The physicist gives him a withering glare and says, "Don't be absurd, our initial measurements were simply in error." The mathematician, who has been ignoring the exchange, states with a far away look, "If one more person goes into that house it will be empty."
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30-12-2013, 10:11 AM
RE: How to make a scientist laugh
Christianity.

THIS USER IS NO LONGER ACTIVE. THANK YOU, AND HAVE A GREAT DAY! http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...a-few-days
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30-12-2013, 10:30 AM
RE: How to make a scientist laugh
There's no place like 127.0.0.1!

Onward, my faithful steed!
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30-12-2013, 11:03 AM
RE: How to make a scientist laugh
Three engineers are sitting at a bar arguing over which type of engineer God is.

"It's obvious that God is a mechanical engineer." proclaims the mechanical engineer as he tosses back his scotch. "All you have to do is look at the way the skeleton, muscles, tendons and ligaments all interact. The perfection of the shoulder ball and socket joint. The marvel of the human hand. Hell, you can balance a small car on a single femur without exceeding it's load-bearing capacity."

"God has to be an electrical engineer." muses the electrical engineer as he knocks back another shot of tequila. "I'll grant you that the physical aspects are impressive but when you get right down to it they're little more than hardware. The most powerful computing system on the planet made from a few hundred cc's of neurons, sodium-gated ion channels and neuropeptides. Now that's what I call elegant design!"

"God? God hazh got ta be a shivil engzineer!" slurs the civil engineer over his flat beer. "The hell you say!" cries the mechanical engineer. "How do you figure that?" sneers the electrical engineer. The civil engineer looks up at his two colleagues with blood-shot eyes and gleefully replies, "Who the fuck else would have piped the sewage outflow through the recreation area?"
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30-12-2013, 11:11 AM
RE: How to make a scientist laugh
Two atoms were walking across a road when one of them said, "I think I lost an electron!" "Really!" the other replied, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I 'm absolutely positive."

Onward, my faithful steed!
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