How to make great Asparagus (teriyaki/sesame)
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05-09-2014, 11:58 PM (This post was last modified: 06-09-2014 12:02 AM by Logisch.)
How to make great Asparagus (teriyaki/sesame)
On this episode of "Logisch Cooks" we're going to learn how to make some tasty fucking asparagus. Now, most people are total bitches when it comes to asparagus. "BLEHHH veggies are so icky and asparagus makes your pee smell funny! That shit is all healthy and healthy food is icky! I'd rather eat mcdonalds and slurp down a bigmac." SHUT THE FUCK UP. Asparagus is great. I don't care if your pee smells funny, I don't care if you don't like it. YOU WILL LIKE THIS.

You'll need:

- 1/8 cup of Teriyaki sauce. I prefer Yoshida's because that shit is great.
- 2 tbsp sesame oil
- 1 tbsp sesame seeds (toasted is the best, you can't dispute this fact)
- 2 tbsp soy sauce
- Some fucking asparagus

Step one. Turn on some Marilyn Manson. For this episode, I listened to Kaboom-Kaboom.




Step two. Get 2 big fucking bowls. One should be just a bit smaller than the other so you can shake the shit out of the asparagus.

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Step three. Cut the ends off the asparagus. No one likes that part and it sucks. It's like eating raw bamboo or something. Cut it off. Just do it. Throw it away, don't be sorry. The fact that the ends even exist and suck is proof there is no god.

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Step four. Put all the ingredients minus the asparagus in the bowl. You don't need to mix them. You're going to shake it all up in a minute anyway.

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Step five. Put the asparagus in the bowl. Put the smaller bowl on top. Shake the shit out of it.

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Step six. Put the oven at 450 degrees. Put the timer on 15 minutes. Once it heats up, toss those puppies in and put them in for 10-15 minutes. You'll want to put some PAM or something on the cooking plate. My secret is to actually turn it upside down on the bowl, flip it over and boom, it's on the plate.

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Step seven. Your house will begin to smell like delicious teriyakiness. Take them out of the oven. Eat them. EAT THEM. NOM NOM NOM.

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Thanks Insomnia! Thumbsup

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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06-09-2014, 12:09 AM
RE: How to make great Asparagus (teriyaki/sesame)
Aw man, if only I liked asparagus!!! Any recipe that involves Marilyn Manson must deserve a shot!! Thumbsup

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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06-09-2014, 12:10 AM
RE: How to make great Asparagus (teriyaki/sesame)
(06-09-2014 12:09 AM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Aw man, if only I liked asparagus!!! Any recipe that involves Marilyn Manson must deserve a shot!! Thumbsup

You never know, with teriyaki and marilyn manson, anything is possible!

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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06-09-2014, 12:12 AM
RE: How to make great Asparagus (teriyaki/sesame)
(06-09-2014 12:10 AM)Logisch Wrote:  
(06-09-2014 12:09 AM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Aw man, if only I liked asparagus!!! Any recipe that involves Marilyn Manson must deserve a shot!! Thumbsup

You never know, with teriyaki and marilyn manson, anything is possible!

These are wise words Yes

Well heck, my husband likes it, maybe I'll make it for him at least Big Grin then like the food scardie-cat I am, I can try a teeny bite

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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06-09-2014, 12:45 AM
RE: How to make great Asparagus (teriyaki/sesame)
My grandmother-in-law made asparagus earlier this week - she used a faux hollandaise sauce that was just juice of a 1/2 lemon (0.5 for those of you that are on the metric system... Yes, I'm being a smart ass) and "some" mayonnaise (apparently to taste, she didn't give me any more direction). It was actually pretty damn good.

Thanks for the recipe - I'll try it this week!

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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06-09-2014, 12:48 AM
RE: How to make great Asparagus (teriyaki/sesame)
Ok, now I read thru all the instructions, and I'm lmao! Thanks the the entertainment, Logisch! Thumbsup

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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