How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
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23-08-2015, 08:31 PM (This post was last modified: 23-08-2015 08:39 PM by ForsakenHeretic.)
How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
Hey everybody I need some advice. As some of you might know I live in the south, more specifically Alabama. I going to come out of closet to one of my friends about my Bisexuality. But this has some serious potential to backfire.

The person I'm coming out would probably accept me for who I am. But I can't let my parents know yet they would kick me out or disown me at the most, and treat me like crap at the least. I'm going to tell her not to my family and not my other friends. But I just have this feeling she's going to tell somebody and they will tell my parents. And if that happens then I'm screwed. That's not even counting the social stigma I would get, Alabama is FILLED with rednecks, hillbilly's and religious retards I'd be shunned by so many people.

I know she probably wouldn't tell anybody but I have this feeling she will. It honestly is scaring me a little. Maybe I shouldn't tell her. But I need to tell somebody SOOOOO bad it's tearing me up inside. She already knows I'm an atheist and she accepted me for that. But than again she seems like she didn't grow up extremely religious like I did. I just want to hear you guys advice on this. If I should come out to her or not. Maybe you guys can share a coming story to your friends and how they reacted. Please any advice is great. I know this may sound silly and stupid to make a thread about, but seriously me staying in my parents house i'm 15 i'm not old enough for a full time job my entire life might depend on this choice.
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23-08-2015, 08:42 PM
How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
Why do you need to tell someone sooooooo bad?
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23-08-2015, 08:50 PM
RE: How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
(23-08-2015 08:31 PM)ForsakenHeretic Wrote:  But I need to tell somebody SOOOOO bad it's tearing me up inside.

Well; now WE know...

I suppose I'd ask where that impulse comes from? I think I understand the need to have the world know who you really are - but then again, I'm so rolling in privilege it's never occurred to me not to be totally open about my beliefs, identity, orientation, whatever.

There's really no right answer, but the stock one is to say that you should give a lot of thought to what the risks are. You say the worst-case scenario is that it gets out and your family (and other circles) react badly; if that is a real possibility you need to have a real plan for that. My instinct for these kinds of things is that it might be better to keep your head down until you're dealing with the world on your own terms - if you're still a minor with your parents I don't think you're in that position yet.

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23-08-2015, 08:58 PM
RE: How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
Don't make it like one of those lifetime movie dramas or after school specials - then it's just awkward. If there's a right time to casually slip it into conversation, then go for it. I probably just wouldn't bring it up out of the blue, though.

My 14 year old nephew is bi. His friends don't care and he lives in North Alabama. My older nephew went to several county and city schools here, as well; plenty of kids were openly out. I doubt it's as bad as you think it is - this generation is much more accepting. We did all sorts of stupid shit in school, had big secrets about apostasy and sex, and we never outed each other to the parents. Friends don't do that shit - if you think she's untrustworthy, is she really your friend?

Worst case scenario - your parents find out. What are they gonna do? Schedule an intervention? Only you know how strict your parents are...they can't legally kick you out, anyway. And I seriously doubt they would over something like that. Might be "disappointed" and think they can pray the gay away, but that's probably as bad as it's gonna get. Maybe a bit awkward...

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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23-08-2015, 09:02 PM
RE: How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
Do NOT tell anyone until you are self sufficient. People blab. They cannot help it.

DO NOT TRUST ANYONE!

You know what happened to the guy who said "I want to believe!"? He's wearing a foil hat posting on the 9/11 thread.

Keep this to yourself.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
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23-08-2015, 09:17 PM
RE: How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
If you feel that your parents might make your life miserable, then I strongly advise you to first get some counseling from an organization or therapist who is trained to give you advice BEFORE you tell anyone anything.

Try looking for a place here: http://www.algbtical.org/2A%20ALA%20ACTIVE.htm

If you were my family member, I would advise you that telling one friend is pretty much the same as telling your entire school. I don't care how close and sensitive your friend may be, they are young and are prone to acting out of poor judgement. They could also just make a mistake. They could accidentally message the wrong person with information, thinking they were messaging you.

Seek professional advice first.... At the very least so you're fully prepared for what you may be facing.
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23-08-2015, 09:43 PM
RE: How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
I would not tell anyone who could potentially tell your parents if you think they might react negatively. Unfortunately, you live under your parents roof and you are not yet self-sufficient which means they could make things very difficult for you if they found out (they don't sound very understanding about sexuality). While you should be proud of who you are and not have to hide--you also need to be safe and the idea of your parents kicking you out is not a safe situation for you to be in. You're almost 18, you can get a full-time job, move out, go away to college etc. and live the life you want without fear of "retribution" from your parents. Hugs to you. I'm sure it is a very difficult situation for you to be in. Heart
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23-08-2015, 11:25 PM
RE: How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
It sounds like deep down you know you can't trust this friend with personal information. I'd listen to that instinct. I wouldn't say anything, but I'm not you. If you need to come out to be happier, seek support from a site like Aliza linked above. Good luck to you Hug

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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23-08-2015, 11:47 PM
RE: How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
(23-08-2015 09:43 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I would not tell anyone who could potentially tell your parents if you think they might react negatively. Unfortunately, you live under your parents roof and you are not yet self-sufficient which means they could make things very difficult for you if they found out (they don't sound very understanding about sexuality). While you should be proud of who you are and not have to hide--you also need to be safe and the idea of your parents kicking you out is not a safe situation for you to be in. You're almost 18, you can get a full-time job, move out, go away to college etc. and live the life you want without fear of "retribution" from your parents. Hugs to you. I'm sure it is a very difficult situation for you to be in. Heart

Yes this is what I was unable, or incapable of saying.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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24-08-2015, 08:57 AM
RE: How to tell my friend i'm Bisexual
(23-08-2015 08:31 PM)ForsakenHeretic Wrote:  Hey everybody I need some advice. As some of you might know I live in the south, more specifically Alabama. I going to come out of closet to one of my friends about my Bisexuality. But this has some serious potential to backfire.

The person I'm coming out would probably accept me for who I am. But I can't let my parents know yet they would kick me out or disown me at the most, and treat me like crap at the least. I'm going to tell her not to my family and not my other friends. But I just have this feeling she's going to tell somebody and they will tell my parents. And if that happens then I'm screwed. That's not even counting the social stigma I would get, Alabama is FILLED with rednecks, hillbilly's and religious retards I'd be shunned by so many people.

I know she probably wouldn't tell anybody but I have this feeling she will. It honestly is scaring me a little. Maybe I shouldn't tell her. But I need to tell somebody SOOOOO bad it's tearing me up inside. She already knows I'm an atheist and she accepted me for that. But than again she seems like she didn't grow up extremely religious like I did. I just want to hear you guys advice on this. If I should come out to her or not. Maybe you guys can share a coming story to your friends and how they reacted. Please any advice is great. I know this may sound silly and stupid to make a thread about, but seriously me staying in my parents house i'm 15 i'm not old enough for a full time job my entire life might depend on this choice.

Why do you feel pressure to come out? If you're at age 15 then I would worry all that much about relationship or sex for that matter (unless you have a girlfriend/boyfriend now). Just keep cool, avoid the subject if you can... and delete your browser search history!

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