Husband all of a sudden a theist
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27-06-2017, 08:42 AM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
He told me "It cannot be a coincidence that you say you are an atheist and all of a sudden all this stuff starts to happen."
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27-06-2017, 08:46 AM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
(27-06-2017 08:42 AM)qpmomma Wrote:  He told me "It cannot be a coincidence that you say you are an atheist and all of a sudden all this stuff starts to happen."
The answer is "Yes....yes it is"

I'm an Atheist, have been my whole life, and I've had health issues/money worries/etc but that's life for you, it comes and goes in waves, and people get all superstitious about it. My nan says "it always comes in three's, bad things" but it's obviously not true. Last month I had my nan relapse with her mental health issues, had to attend court and had my old nintendo explode....BUT I also passed my driving test and won £40 on a scratchcard, so it's just "stuff" that happens.

Just let him have his moment and when it's all calmed down, talk to him again, and he'll probably admit to "over reacting" a little bit.

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27-06-2017, 08:49 AM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
(27-06-2017 08:12 AM)qpmomma Wrote:  
(27-06-2017 08:07 AM)Mr. Boston Wrote:  I know this is one of those, "shoulda done this," types of advice but the time to discuss matters of faith, belief, and spirituality (and their importance for each of you) with your husband was really before you got married and certainly before you had a child.

We did. He wasn't a Christian when we got married and had a child. I wasn't an atheist either. We had the discussion of our beliefs when we got married and had a kid. My beliefs changed over the span of 11 years, apparently so did his. Sorry to get defensive on you here, but we did have these conversations before we got married.

Okay, that's good. And I don't want you to think I was attacking you or anything either. Like you say, people's beliefs change. But it does surprise me how many married people I talk to, here on TTA and in the "real world" and find out they're on the precipice of parenthood or already have kids and never really discussed the whole "god thing" with their spouse. It's an easy topic to sweep under the rug.
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27-06-2017, 09:08 AM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
(27-06-2017 08:40 AM)qpmomma Wrote:  
(27-06-2017 08:25 AM)julep Wrote:  I'm sorry you're going through this.

Certainly your husband owes you a long, honest conversation about his personal religious views and how they've come to change so radically--and also, maybe, how he can want you to go back to believing in a god who is so petty that he's rained plagues down on your family despite the ratio of believers to nonbelievers in the family being unchanged. I think you need to understand what's going on with him before you can even start to talk about how to handle religion with your daughter.

I'm wondering if the stressors you've gone through recently have been so hard on your husband that he's looking for someone to blame, and he's chosen you. If you'd still been a Christian, probably he'd have used a different rationale, but the blame would still be set on your shoulders. That's a horrendous situation for you and your marriage, if it turns out to be the case, and one that would probably require secular marriage counseling.

When we were talking last night I got the feeling that God was protecting us because of my "strong belief" in God. Since his faith isn't strong and I am an atheist, God has chosen to not protect us anymore. It sounds absolutely insane now that I am no longer a Christian, but would have made perfect sense to me when I was one.

In that case, using that logic, what he should be doing is shoring up his own faith so that the onus of protecting your family doesn't fall on you. He can hold the umbrella for a while, so to speak. Propose it like that to him and maybe he will see the opportunity to be the hero for you and the family until you can recover your faith. And of course there's no reason and probably no large chance of you recovering your faith, but the chance for him to feel some kind of agency and control over the situation may be helpful to him and to your relationship.

And then hopefully at some point he will return to sanity and you'll be able to have a happy and honest relationship.
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27-06-2017, 09:08 AM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
And I get that just like I didn't all of a sudden become an atheist he probably didn't all of a sudden become a theist. It just feels that way right now.
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27-06-2017, 01:56 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
Quote:he's trying to tell me it's a deity punishing us for my lack of belief.

I know it seems normal, but this is really just abusive behavior. If he's saying you should be punished for your lack of belief, it's abusive.

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27-06-2017, 02:01 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
(27-06-2017 07:16 AM)qpmomma Wrote:  I am so down right now. I always thought my husband was an atheist. Every time I would talk about my beliefs as a Christian he would always counter it with something logical. He never went to church with me. He never read the Bible.

Now that I have told him I am an atheist he all of a sudden believes in a deity. We've had a lot of stuff happen all of a sudden recently and he's trying to tell me it's a deity punishing us for my lack of belief.

I don't know. Seems like you always had a communications problem with him. Did something happen that suddenly turned him? Or does he just oppose your views for the heck of it? Did he say anything on the matter of why he suddenly turned into a believer? Has he developed a habit of going to church?

(27-06-2017 01:56 PM)GenesisNemesis Wrote:  
Quote:he's trying to tell me it's a deity punishing us for my lack of belief.

I know it seems normal, but this is really just abusive behavior. If he's saying you should be punished for your lack of belief, it's abusive.

That's what I think also.

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27-06-2017, 02:15 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
Nevermind.

Yes, I am aware I am in an abusive relationship with someone who makes everything about him. I'm not willing to leave him. I just needed to vent.
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27-06-2017, 02:35 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
Sounds like he just likes to disagree. Become a 7th Adventist or something and he'll probably go back to being a non believer. You just need to use reverse psychology and out crazy him, then pretend like, although you believe, you're allowing the kid to be raised as a non believer as a compromise.

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27-06-2017, 02:40 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
Tell him self-centeredness and self-righteousness are not a good combination.

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"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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