Husband all of a sudden a theist
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27-06-2017, 02:44 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
(27-06-2017 02:40 PM)RocketSurgeon76 Wrote:  Tell him self-centeredness and self-righteousness are not a good combination.

Won't work. She's clearly in an abusive relationship and she already said she's not ready to leave him. That's the only way to take care of such matters. But only if the abused partner is willing to go the whole mile. Which takes time.

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27-06-2017, 02:48 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
Sorry, I'm trying to be supportive, but people like your husband, who chalk fortune/misfortune up to being blessed or ignored by the Magical Sky Fairy, simply piss me off.

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"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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27-06-2017, 02:59 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
It hasn't been but a few months since I "came out of the atheist closet" to my husband. His initial reaction was surprisingly negative, especially considering I never really saw or thought of him as a particularly religious or spiritual person....not that I would have ever been considered a particularly religious or spiritual person either. I let it go for a while as a subject of discussion. But after a week or so I asked him if he would rather have had me as a pretend-Christian or an honest atheist. He answered that he'd rather have me honest than religious, "...but..."

I assured him I would not try to "proselytize" him toward an atheist viewpoint but that now that I've finally managed to claw my way out of the closet I have no intention of being shoved back in. And suggested that he give some thought as to how much that bothers him and let me know when he figures it out.

It did give him something to think about. Our next conversation on the subject was a lot more open and productive. Give him some time. Vent here as needed.

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27-06-2017, 03:03 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
(27-06-2017 02:48 PM)RocketSurgeon76 Wrote:  Sorry, I'm trying to be supportive, but people like your husband, who chalk fortune/misfortune up to being blessed or ignored by the Magical Sky Fairy, simply piss me off.

I may be wrong, but this doesn't seem the real issue here. According to her tale I get the feeling of the husband opposing her views for the heck of it. To excercise control over her. If she claimed to hate the spaghetti monster the next day, I'm pretty sure he would turn into preaching the Spaghetti monster gospel.

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27-06-2017, 03:21 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
I've been through this a couple times with my man.

Right now he's in the atheist camp...for how long...time will tell.

Think that it's also because he wasn't heavily indoctrinated. He's always been a light theist type.

He never understood how painful it was for me...but that also could be why I've never bounced back.

Sure at times I miss the "idea" of god, but that's just part of the letting go process.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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27-06-2017, 10:59 PM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
I'm very sorry to hear this Sad

It sounds to me like his beliefs aren't so much the problem, it's the way he's handling them. He's injecting them into every discussion and picking fights. That's a really childish way to behave, and if I had to guess, I'd say it is because God is a projection of himself (this is the case for more theists) so he's taking it personally. Or maybe there's some other underlying problem.

My advice would be to try and talk about why he is doing this, and if that doesn't go anywhere, try to reach a truce where "God" is to be left out of everyday discussions. If he won't do this, he's just being a huge dick and showing you no respect. I don't know what you can do with such a person.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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28-06-2017, 05:50 AM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
IMHO, this is the most salient bit of this whole thread:
(27-06-2017 02:15 PM)qpmomma Wrote:  Yes, I am aware I am in an abusive relationship with someone who makes everything about him. I'm not willing to leave him.

Two things:
  1. The fact that he makes things all about him may be difficult and irritating, but it's not abusive. There are many ways to be abusive, from physical violence to financial control, but being selfish is not a form of abuse. It may make him a jerk, but it doesn't make him abusive.
  2. If you're not willing to pull the plug and leave, the only choices you're left with is to find a way to manage and deal with his selfishness. He is extremely unlikely to change.

It tends to be a truism that the one who cares least in the relationship is the one that has the most power. And, whether we like it or not, relationships are power dynamics.

At the moment, it's clear that he has more power in the relationship than you, because he seems willing to jettison the relationship, while you are not.

Now, not having the upper hand in a relationship is not always a bad thing. It's nice, sometimes, to just let the other person take the lead. But it is putting you at a disadvantage. Maybe you can live with that; if so, then by all means that's perfectly ok. Or maybe you can't, in which case you have some decisions to make.

Good luck.
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28-06-2017, 09:42 AM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
Could be worse. He could have woken up one morning and realized he was God. True story.

#sigh
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28-06-2017, 10:51 AM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
(27-06-2017 07:58 AM)Heath_Tierney Wrote:  There's very likely more going on here than just a sudden conversion.
My vote would be "availability bias". When the poster was a believer, it was something to react against or resist. Now that she's not, it's something to be concerned about. He was a latent theist the whole time, but now that his wife is not holding up that end of the bargain, he feels responsible.

I would say that he doesn't like the obligations and subjective aspects of religion, but still feels it's necessary at some level.

Since forever, it is women who have had the nurturing roles and emotional responsibility for things, and men who have scoffed at it. But that doesn't mean men are comfortable dispensing with it either. He obviously thought that religion was "woman's work".

This is the same phenomenon seen with the Affordable Care Act, aka ObamaCare. When it was safely in place, people chafed at things like the individual mandate (toothless as it actually was). But now that it's in jeopardy, its popularity soars, because the alternative is even worse.
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28-06-2017, 11:29 AM
RE: Husband all of a sudden a theist
You may like to check out this book...

In Faith and In Doubt: How Religious Believers and Nonbelievers Can Create Strong Marriages and Loving Families by US secular humanist Dale McGowan PhD.

—Good luck. Smile

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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