I Can't Even Look Away
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03-05-2013, 10:01 PM
 
Sad I Can't Even Look Away
I just can't come out of it, this depression. It's not just the total collapse of all the arguments for God that I had leaned on. It's Jesus Christ, too. It's starting to hit me; I'm starting to realize it--Jesus is dead.

It's not that I don't believe in God. The presence of God is still in my life--same as ever. I don't know what I'm really trying to say, but I feel so bad it's like a physical pain. And I can't even look away from it.

The Veridican Gospel of Jesus Christ is not an inspired anything. It's a painting. That's all it is. It was done to honor someone great who died a very long time ago. And the real horror of it all, I now understand, is that so were the all the other Gospels.

We don't know who wrote them, because it doesn't matter who wrote them. They're just the afterglow of something magnificent that happened in the first century but this isn't the first century; this is 2013. And Jesus is dead.

I prayed that I wouldn't flip flop again. But damn...I didn't think God was going to throw all my theology shit out the window onto the front lawn.

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03-05-2013, 10:07 PM
RE: I Can't Even Look Away
You're a trip, dude. Tongue

Rational thought is like a tsunami when it hits, it just keeps coming. It hurts, and sweeps you off your feet, and doesn't stop.

Just go with the flow, it gets better. Thumbsup

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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03-05-2013, 10:09 PM
RE: I Can't Even Look Away
(03-05-2013 10:01 PM)Egor Wrote:  I just can't come out of it, this depression. It's not just the total collapse of all the arguments for God that I had leaned on. It's Jesus Christ, too. It's starting to hit me; I'm starting to realize it--Jesus is dead.

It's not that I don't believe in God. The presence of God is still in my life--same as ever. I don't know what I'm really trying to say, but I feel so bad it's like a physical pain. And I can't even look away from it.

The Veridican Gospel of Jesus Christ is not an inspired anything. It's a painting. That's all it is. It was done to honor someone great who died a very long time ago. And the real horror of it all, I now understand, is that so were the all the other Gospels.

We don't know who wrote them, because it doesn't matter who wrote them. They are just the afterglow of something magnificent that happened in 30 A.D., but this is not 30 A.D. This is 2013. And Jesus is dead.

I prayed that I would not flip flop again. But damn...I didn't think God was going to throw all my theology shit out the window onto the front lawn.


Maybe you are going throught the fourth stage of loss and grief?
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-s...and-grief/

It would be very understandable if you were.

"Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.” ~ Ambrose Bierce
“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's." - Mark Twain in Eruption
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03-05-2013, 10:19 PM
RE: I Can't Even Look Away
Finding out the truth doesn't have to be a bad thing. You are entitled to your feelings of loss and disenchantment, though.
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03-05-2013, 11:35 PM (This post was last modified: 04-05-2013 12:03 AM by GirlyMan.)
RE: I Can't Even Look Away
(03-05-2013 10:01 PM)Egor Wrote:  It's starting to hit me; I'm starting to realize it--Jesus is dead.

So? Doesn't say nothing about Christ, there have always been many embodiments of The Word. Almost all Christians completely miss the point of Christ and The Word. Atheists seem to get it, though.

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03-05-2013, 11:45 PM
RE: I Can't Even Look Away
Hug

It will get better and easier.

The sun rises in the West and the bird shits on the coffeetable.


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04-05-2013, 12:22 AM (This post was last modified: 04-05-2013 12:25 AM by fstratzero.)
RE: I Can't Even Look Away
I always wonder why you are trying to save god, rather than let the concept go?

Life really isn't that bad, and if it is. At least it all becomes clear and easier to deal with in a word of cause and effect.

Imagine a world in which there is no controller or director to blame or say thank to. Just you and all the people around you.

It's actually really awesome to know you can do it all on your own, but you don't have to be alone when your doing it. We help each other because all we have is each other.

Hope your doing alright.

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The atheist is a man who destroys the imaginary things which afflict the human race, and so leads men back to nature, to experience and to reason.
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04-05-2013, 01:12 AM
 
RE: I Can't Even Look Away
(04-05-2013 12:22 AM)fstratzero Wrote:  I always wonder why you are trying to save god, rather than let the concept go?

There is this thing. It has been with me in various forms since I was nine. It is with me now. It is a presence. When I interpret a dream, it speaks to me (for lack of a better term), which is why I like doing dream interpretations. When I look at an astrological chart, I see its plan for a human life, or at least the winds it blows on a person's life.

I've spoken before in here about how the Divine communicates with me, and that hasn't left. That is there, intractable as ever.

Also, when I sleep, I dream, and in my dream, my mind creates a universe. When I wake up, I see a much greater universe, so I assume a Divine Dreamer, and I am one of its characters.

So, I believe in God, or more accuratley, "The Divine." I'm not trying to save it. It's always there.

When all the arguments fell apart for me, that presence was more profound, rather than less.

All my Christian notions have died. What I can tell you about the Divine that became more clear in all of this, is that it doesn't care. I get from it that it doesn't even particularly care if I'm depressed about it. I think it wants me depressed. Maybe there's something restorative about it.

Also, I can tell you this: I don't think it cares if someone is an atheist or a bible-thumping, tongue-talking Pentacostal.

Quote:Life really isn't that bad, and if it is. At least it all becomes clear and easier to deal with in a word of cause and effect.

Imagine a world in which there is no controller or director to blame or say thank to. Just you and all the people around you.

It's actually really awesome to know you can do it all on your own, but you don't have to be alone when your doing it. We help each other because all we have is each other.

Everyone has a life path to walk. Spending at least one lifetime as an atheist kind of makes sense, actually.

I must say, things do seem a lot clearer after one stops filtering everything through the Bible or facsimilies thereof.

Quote:Hope your doing alright.

It does help to talk about it. I think in talking about it, it helps me transition. So, thank you. Undecided
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04-05-2013, 01:50 AM (This post was last modified: 04-05-2013 02:20 AM by fstratzero.)
RE: I Can't Even Look Away
(04-05-2013 01:12 AM)Egor Wrote:  
(04-05-2013 12:22 AM)fstratzero Wrote:  I always wonder why you are trying to save god, rather than let the concept go?

There is this thing. It has been with me in various forms since I was nine. It is with me now. It is a presence. When I interpret a dream, it speaks to me (for lack of a better term), which is why I like doing dream interpretations. When I look at an astrological chart, I see its plan for a human life, or at least the winds it blows on a person's life.

I've spoken before in here about how the Divine communicates with me, and that hasn't left. That is there, intractable as ever.

Also, when I sleep, I dream, and in my dream, my mind creates a universe. When I wake up, I see a much greater universe, so I assume a Divine Dreamer, and I am one of its characters.

So, I believe in God, or more accuratley, "The Divine." I'm not trying to save it. It's always there.

When all the arguments fell apart for me, that presence was more profound, rather than less.

All my Christian notions have died. What I can tell you about the Divine that became more clear in all of this, is that it doesn't care. I get from it that it doesn't even particularly care if I'm depressed about it. I think it wants me depressed. Maybe there's something restorative about it.

Also, I can tell you this: I don't think it cares if someone is an atheist or a bible-thumping, tongue-talking Pentacostal.

Quote:Life really isn't that bad, and if it is. At least it all becomes clear and easier to deal with in a word of cause and effect.

Imagine a world in which there is no controller or director to blame or say thank to. Just you and all the people around you.

It's actually really awesome to know you can do it all on your own, but you don't have to be alone when your doing it. We help each other because all we have is each other.

Everyone has a life path to walk. Spending at least one lifetime as an atheist kind of makes sense, actually.

I must say, things do seem a lot clearer after one stops filtering everything through the Bible or facsimilies thereof.

Quote:Hope your doing alright.

It does help to talk about it. I think in talking about it, it helps me transition. So, thank you. Undecided

Don't worry egor you will meet your god one day in a mirror. You'll finish shaving and smile about the memories of those dreams you really enjoyed having.
When you walk away the reflection fades away, and you will be free.

That's how I felt when I gave up drinking sad, scared, shook up, but happy that there was still a future to look forward to, people who needed me, and I needed those people.

Member of the Cult of Reason

The atheist is a man who destroys the imaginary things which afflict the human race, and so leads men back to nature, to experience and to reason.
-Baron d'Holbach-
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04-05-2013, 02:06 AM
 
RE: I Can't Even Look Away
(04-05-2013 01:50 AM)fstratzero Wrote:  That's how I felt when I gave up drinking sad, scared, shook up, but happy that there was still a future to look forward to, people who needed me, and I need those people.

It's good you gave up drinking. I've always thought that must be very hard, to live life sober after having alcohol to lean on--to face it head on like that takes courage. Kudos. Thumbsup

Come Monday, this shit is over. No more mourning the loss. It will be done. There are groups I need to join, dream interpretation groups, spiritual groups. I need to start establishing myself in them. I'm 48, I don't have a lot of time to waste. I'm not a newbie at it, fortunately, but I need to get to work. There's no more time for losing.

Thanks for your kind words.

E.
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