I Feel Suffocated
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18-01-2014, 01:57 PM
I Feel Suffocated
I'm so ready for college. I'm tired of having to pretend to be someone I'm not. I got three different cross related things for Christmas that I had to pretend to love, and that I'm going to have to wear. I'm tired of my friends dissing anyone who doesn't believe in God and knowing if they knew about me, they'd be talking about me and feel pity for me. They'd make excuses for me. They'd say that the only reason I was having doubts is because of what I've been through with my family. I hate not being able to speak up about my opinions when my friends express their incredibly conservative political beliefs. I hate not speaking up as my friends talk about how sex before marriage is wrong. I hate feeling that I can never be myself, and I hate knowing that even if I go off to college, it'll never end because I'll have to still pretend whenever I see my high school friends again. I hate that I feel like if I were to be myself, no one would approve. College is so close that I can almost taste it, but in the mean time I feel like I'm going insane. I'm drowning by this feeling that who I am isn't good enough. I hate that if my friends were to find out about certain things, they would no longer consider me a good person. I just don't know what to do. August can't come soon enough.
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18-01-2014, 01:59 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
Sending many Hug's your way. It's got to be difficult.


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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18-01-2014, 02:04 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
Are they really your friends if you can't tell them what you really think ? You can't *ever* see yourself telling them these things ? Don't worry about faking for people who aren't really your friends. If you're sure that they are your friends and you love them to death... see how handling the truth is for them. They may not understand at first...

I have a childhood friend who got the news that I was an atheist well before anyone else. He spent several fruitless years telling me I was an idiot, was briefly elated when I experimented with Christianity at university, and now he's back to plan A. However in all of this we were and are still good mates and we now barely discuss religion.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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18-01-2014, 03:01 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
Just keep your mind on August - yeah! A new place, a new start, new people - it doesn't get any better than that.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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18-01-2014, 03:11 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
It is "they", your so called friends, who are not good enough. Your better than them. Hang in there, August will be here before you know it.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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18-01-2014, 03:50 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
Don't let your anxiety push you to do silly things, I was just as desperate to go to college and made a few bad decisions. Better save the bad calls for a safer environment Tongue

[Image: sigvacachica.png]
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18-01-2014, 05:41 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
Hang in there belle! I know it's rough now, but freedom is literally right around the corner. You'll be fine. Whenever the anxiety starts creeping up on you, just think of the dancing banana. It always helps me smile. Thumbsup

Banana_zorro Banana_zorro

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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18-01-2014, 09:08 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
I thought suffocated Southern belles could stroll out on the veranda.
Or would you get the vapours out there ?
Have you tried the smelling salts ? Tongue

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein
Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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18-01-2014, 10:24 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
(18-01-2014 02:04 PM)morondog Wrote:  Are they really your friends if you can't tell them what you really think ? You can't *ever* see yourself telling them these things ? Don't worry about faking for people who aren't really your friends. If you're sure that they are your friends and you love them to death... see how handling the truth is for them. They may not understand at first...

That's what I'm not entirely sure about. I love them all to death, but I don't ever feel like I can be myself around them. Honestly, none of them really know me. I'm scared that if I tell them everything on my mind, they'll completely change how they think of them and I'll realize that they weren't true friends. Religion usually comes up at some point most of the time when we spend a long enough time together, and it would just become one more thing that would alienate myself from them even more. It's starting to affect my friendship with them though because I feel like I'm judged and that I can't ever be honest with them. I'm a good person. I really do think I am. I always put my friends and anyone before myself, and I'd do anything to help anyone, but my friends keep making me feel like this one trivial part of me negates all of that.

The thing I hate is that I feel like being honest is the most important trait a person can have and that honesty is always the best policy, but I'm going against my own beliefs. I feel fake, which I absolutely hate. Thanks to everyone for the support. I'll get through it, it's just incredibly difficult right now.

(18-01-2014 09:08 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  Have you tried the smelling salts ? Tongue
Only bath salts Angel
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18-01-2014, 11:02 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
Well. Maturity is respecting those, good people, who hold opinions differing from your own. Unfortunately some people never make it that far.

And you know what they say; there's a time and a place for everything, and it's called college.

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