I Feel Suffocated
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19-01-2014, 07:08 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
(18-01-2014 01:57 PM)southernbelle Wrote:  I'm so ready for college. I'm tired of having to pretend to be someone I'm not. I got three different cross related things for Christmas that I had to pretend to love, and that I'm going to have to wear. I'm tired of my friends dissing anyone who doesn't believe in God and knowing if they knew about me, they'd be talking about me and feel pity for me. They'd make excuses for me. They'd say that the only reason I was having doubts is because of what I've been through with my family. I hate not being able to speak up about my opinions when my friends express their incredibly conservative political beliefs. I hate not speaking up as my friends talk about how sex before marriage is wrong. I hate feeling that I can never be myself, and I hate knowing that even if I go off to college, it'll never end because I'll have to still pretend whenever I see my high school friends again. I hate that I feel like if I were to be myself, no one would approve. College is so close that I can almost taste it, but in the mean time I feel like I'm going insane. I'm drowning by this feeling that who I am isn't good enough. I hate that if my friends were to find out about certain things, they would no longer consider me a good person. I just don't know what to do. August can't come soon enough.

Unsure Some one is always gonna disapprove of some thing about you. Be strong and tell them how you feel about every thing :style preferences, ideas about religion, career choices, lack of support from others. Spill it all at once, then go out for a long while to let them stew in it ! I grew up in Savannah, so I know how smothered you can feel in the South. Holy-rollers every where.
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19-01-2014, 07:35 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
I can relate so much. College was the place I finally found like minded people. Hang in there. It is going to be so refreshing. It was also really awkward going home on breaks as I slowly gained the courage to share my change in beliefs. I had one "friend" completely ditch me and almost look at me as if I were the devil.

Now, I'm over 10 years out from high school and this is all well behind me. It will get better! It's worth it not to make your life worse these last few months. How soon will you be able to get in contact with your new college roommate? I know how important it is to be around like minded people for your mental health. Hope you can find someone local to help you keep your sanity.

Blink
If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. -George S. Patton
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19-01-2014, 09:23 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
(19-01-2014 07:35 PM)aquaquilter Wrote:  I know how important it is to be around like minded people for your mental health. Hope you can find someone local to help you keep your sanity.

The good news is that I've been able to find three people who I can be completely honest with about everything without any judgement from them: one of my guy friends who is a liberal atheist and is one of the coolest people I know, a girl friend of mine who is absolutely crazy and lovable and more spiritual than religious and was raised Muslim then was briefly Christian and then agnostic and now is on her way to becoming Muslim again, and my brother who himself is agnostic.

The guy in particular has been someone I've been able to confide in and talk to when I'm going crazy. Our stories are very similar except he's upfront about his religion if he's ever asked about it. He's not a "HEY I JUST MET YOU AND THIS IS CRAZY BUT I'M AN ATHEIST" type person. It's just a part of him just like his hair color, which is how I want to be. I want my atheism to just be a small thing about me that isn't very important, but unfortunately I can't do that right now. My lack of belief in a god has become one of the most defining things about me for myself unfortunately, and unfortunately if I tell my friends, that will the most defining thing about me for them.

Just seven more months . . . seven more months. I can make it that long.
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21-01-2014, 07:34 AM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
I remember how long it was in the run up to my going to college. It was the first time I suffered depression.

So far you won't have had as many choices of potential friends as you will when you get to college. All your class mates will be in the same situation and also needing to make friends. In fact the first friends you will make will probably not be the ones you end up keeping. They'll just be people you hang out with until you find those you really want to spend time with. This means that your childhood friends will grow less important once more options become available to you. Going to college almost always marks the end of your existing friendships as your lives diverge.

Regardless of who your friends are, it is fundamentally important to be yourself. If you can't be yourself then they aren't really your friends because they think that you are someone else.

What I'd do is tell them just before you leave that you are an atheist. Don't be apologetic about it. Don't make a big thing of it. Just mention it in passing and see what their reactions are. And be proud of yourself for being an atheist too. It means you've questioned what you have been told and overcome your conditioning. That's a difficult thing.

Being honest with them will allow you to find out whether or not they really were your friends and whether you should investing so much time in such relationships again in the future.
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21-01-2014, 07:55 AM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
I am happy to hear you have some company.

If it were me, I would 'out' myself over the summer, after high school but before college. If there is drama and fallout- you can get away from it when college starts. When you come home on break, you will know who your real friends are. They will all have had time and space (and a chance to meet people different from them) to decide whether or not your news was a big deal or not.

Walk into the next chapter of life with no secrets.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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21-01-2014, 11:49 AM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
(19-01-2014 09:23 PM)southernbelle Wrote:  
(19-01-2014 07:35 PM)aquaquilter Wrote:  I know how important it is to be around like minded people for your mental health. Hope you can find someone local to help you keep your sanity.

The good news is that I've been able to find three people who I can be completely honest with about everything without any judgement from them: one of my guy friends who is a liberal atheist and is one of the coolest people I know, a girl friend of mine who is absolutely crazy and lovable and more spiritual than religious and was raised Muslim then was briefly Christian and then agnostic and now is on her way to becoming Muslim again, and my brother who himself is agnostic.

The guy in particular has been someone I've been able to confide in and talk to when I'm going crazy. Our stories are very similar except he's upfront about his religion if he's ever asked about it. He's not a "HEY I JUST MET YOU AND THIS IS CRAZY BUT I'M AN ATHEIST" type person. It's just a part of him just like his hair color, which is how I want to be. I want my atheism to just be a small thing about me that isn't very important, but unfortunately I can't do that right now. My lack of belief in a god has become one of the most defining things about me for myself unfortunately, and unfortunately if I tell my friends, that will the most defining thing about me for them.

Just seven more months . . . seven more months. I can make it that long.



Hug

Hugs to you. I ran away from the south the very first chance I had. One day I looked around me and said "I have GOT to get away from here."
Never looked back.


good luck to you.
you hang in there ok?

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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21-01-2014, 12:44 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
I'm sorry you feel this way. The truth is, by the time you get through your first year of college, you will barely ever speak to those "friends" again. You just won't have time for them, and they won't have time for you.

People grow apart. And you will soon find out that as they mature and as you mature, you have very little in common anymore. You pay see them out and about, and promise each other to "keep in touch" but the reality is that you probably will only see them once a year. And at that point, there is no reason not to pretend anymore about your religious non belief. If they criticize you, who cares? Out of sight, out of mind.

You will do much personal growing in college. Seeing what you are really made of, finding out who and what you want through dating, sex, etc. I speak to one person I went to high school with. And only because we've been friends since the 6th grade...but I even don't speak to her on a regular basis. Once a year, maybe?

10 years out of college, I moved back to my home town. I still don't talk to anyone I went to high school with.....

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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21-01-2014, 05:30 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
I think I'll do what Bows and arrow and Mathilda suggested and at least mention it before I leave. I don't want to go to college and have to worry about finding myself there. I want to be able to go and be comfortable enough to be who I am and I don't think that will happen if I go to college with secrets. I need to go to college as me, not as someone else. Thank you so much to everyone that's given me advice or been supportive. I don't know if I'd be able to stay sane in my last few months in high school without this forum.
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21-01-2014, 05:38 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
Quote:That's what I'm not entirely sure about. I love them all to death, but I don't ever feel like I can be myself around them.

Then they aren't friends. They may be age-mates that you were lumped in with by accident of birth.

Go back and read your original description of them. They sound incredibly shallow.

[Image: reality.jpg?imgmax=800]
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21-01-2014, 09:16 PM
RE: I Feel Suffocated
If I were to tell people though before college, I'm slightly worried about my brother. We have the same group of friends. About half of the group is seniors and the other half is sophomores. He's agnostic, and I don't want to have to put him in the situation of having to deal with people trying to get him to convert me or starting to question his beliefs if he isn't ready for it. I guess I could talk to him before doing so, but I just don't want to leave him in a bad situation.
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