I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
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25-03-2014, 10:07 PM
I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
Earlier today I went over to my girlfriends house, she knows I'm an Atheist and I know she's a Catholic.
Quick back story; She practices her religion headstrong, I have nothing against it. We've discussed many times about this, I don't have any problems with practicing religion with our children and she agreed to let our children choose for themselves what to believe. Her mother, too, is a Catholic. But anyways..

Earlier today we were sitting on her couch just watching a movie when her mother comes over, apparently she didn't know I was Atheist. Even though my girlfriend said right in front of us that she told her three or so times.
Her mother didn't like mentioning the word Atheist, she was asking what I believe in, what I practice, etc.. She would say things like "So you believe that we came from monkeys." I didn't take any offence to this because she said herself that she has never met an Atheist person before, how else would she act.
During this whole time my girlfriend would be acting uncomfortable(not her usual self).
After this encounter I later told her that I hope me being an Atheist won't affect our relationship and how your mother views us being together because I truly love her, and she does too. She told me it won't be a problem, but the way she said it, the tone in her voice, the face she had told me other wise. She hasn't been acting like she normally does, and I ask if anything is wrong and she smiles and says otherwise.

What should I do?
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25-03-2014, 10:46 PM
RE: I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
Well from the sound of things, it is a problem. You gotta deal with the problem. If you really love each other, then you will be able to see things through the problem of belief, and be able to count on each other through love.

You have to find out whether or not she's willing to look at you for who you are rather than what somebody else's dogma states you should be in order for her to accept you. If she can't do that, then I don't see how you could call it love.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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25-03-2014, 11:01 PM
RE: I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
If she uses the "monkeys" line on you again, just casually mention the fact that the Pope and Vatican accept evolution as fact...

Aren't these Catholics supposed to believe the Pope is infallible?

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26-03-2014, 09:02 AM
RE: I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
Honestly, this is why I don't date theists. Not that I have anything against them, it's the other way around. One way or another...there are very few exceptions to this (normally fence-sitters or "I am because was raised... ").

Though, if you do care then don't accept "nothing" for an answer. Confront her with how you feel and your observations about her changed behavior. You guys need to talk it out or it will probably get out of hand. Who knows, maybe you're just reading too into what she said. It could be multiple things. Just stay and calm and collected, don't go looking for a fight Smile

Atir aissom atir imon
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26-03-2014, 09:23 AM
RE: I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
honestly....this will never be a non-issue with this family.

You can tell them that the Pope and Catholic church accept evolution, and if that calms the ruffled feathers of the moment, something else will come up eventually, and that will be that they believe in a sky daddy and you don't.

I am married to a believer, it hasn't been too bad because he's lazy when it comes to religion (never reads the bible, sleeps in on Sunday, lol) It's a non-issue for us most of the time. When it does come up, we are very good at being respectful of each other having the right to follow their own heart. My beliefs don't have to match his. Its not a matter of who is right & who is wrong. Its a matter of ....."if that makes you happy-then fine-but I'm not taking that path"

If you have watched any of Seth's videos, we parent like Dale McGowan described. We teach them how to ask questions, think about the evidence, consult others and then make up their own minds. So far, the kids self describe as "I don't know". And that is a perfectly fine answer. They don't have to follow my ideas either. They need to follow what is right for them. I suspect they will say atheist eventually but they don't want to hurt Dad's feelings, and knows her theist classmates might single her out (we live in the bible belt in NC). But who knows...maybe they say that to keep me happy? or they really are throughly confused? lol. Its their mind, they get to choose which way to follow.

All that to say-- you both need to be open about what feels right for you. Can you live and let live and be happy with someone with a different world view from you---can she? Some people can't, some people have a strong feeling about it and find they don't respect a partner that can't see there isn't any evidence. And there are people who can't respect those that can't feel 'the power of gawd' in life.

this is what you need to discuss, and its more than one conversation, and people grow and change (in good ways and bad) over the years.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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26-03-2014, 09:47 AM
RE: I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
Fill er' up with the seed of doubt. Also ask here to have evidence of any argument she starts.

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26-03-2014, 10:32 AM
RE: I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
Mom sounds like a dope. Good luck. True-believers are the worst kind.

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26-03-2014, 10:59 AM
RE: I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
(25-03-2014 10:07 PM)Aristotle Wrote:  What should I do?

What Evenheathen said. Deal with it sooner rather than later.

I'm in a similar boat. I was Christian when my wife and I got married ten years ago. I stopped believing about three years ago. Luckily, my wife is the type of Christian that doesn't believe in hell, and thinks that I'll end up in heaven slightly embarrassed for having been wrong. That being said, it's still somewhat of an issue that we don't really talk about. I'd rather be able to have honest discussions with her about religion.

Be honest about how you feel and what you want out of the relationship and make sure she is, too. You don't want to keep this bottled up for several more years only to have it blow up, later. Her mom shouldn't have a say in this, but you also don't want your girlfriend to be conflicted. Try to be honest with her mom and politely educate her about what you do and don't believe.
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26-03-2014, 05:45 PM
RE: I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
Personally I always recommend avoiding interfaith relationships. Sometimes its just a matter of doing different things on Sunday. But sometimes its an entire difference in world view. I don't know if I could marry anyone who wasn't a catholic. Our values would theoretically be hugely different and that could cause a whole lot of problems. However, my advice ain't worth much. I got no real experience in the matter so feel free to ignore me.

I'm homophobic in the same way that I'm arachnophobic. I'm not scared of gay people but I'm going to scream if I find one in my bath.

I'm. Also homophobic in the same way I'm arachnophobic. I'm scared of spiders but I'd still fuck'em.
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26-03-2014, 07:31 PM
Big Grin RE: I Need Relationship Advice - An Atheist together with a Theist
Thank you guys so much!

I'll come back if anything happens Smile
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