I Think I Have a Bad Character
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30-07-2014, 12:32 AM
I Think I Have a Bad Character
Lately I've had to cut ties with a lot of people I thought were my friends. I've been finding that they don't enjoy my company because I seem to complain and start debates a lot. I don't mean to. I'm just trying to start conversation. It's hard being a new atheist because I used to get support from church and fellow Christian friends but now I see through it all and I feel I have no friends who understand me. I'm pretty isolated where I live. I guess I'm just looking for advice on becoming a better person to be around. I'm usually quiet and reserved in person but I'll speak my mind if provoked. Some people will say I shouldn't change who I am and others will tell me I still need to work on myself. What should I do?
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30-07-2014, 12:50 AM
RE: I Think I Have a Bad Character
Dude, finding friends is tough. I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming you are past school, and in daily life it's just really hard finding people who you click with enough to want to spend your time with (at least for me). I've never been good at making friends (but I excel at keeping them), and most of my friendships are from elem, middle school, and HS. Then I have about half as many from college. Since I've been out of college I've made like...2, or maybe 3 real life friends (people who I would invite over to hang out with).

My advice is to hold onto people who get you, or people who you really respect. And don't count a friendship lost just because of time apart. Time apart just means you have more to catch up on!

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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30-07-2014, 01:01 PM
RE: I Think I Have a Bad Character
I had a really hard time finding friends after my divorce and deconversion because all my Christian "friends" completley abandoned me. I found what Adrianime said to be SO true--all of the sudden I was 24, done school, and couldn't seem to find any way to make new friends. I spent a lot of time with the one friend (literally, I just had one friend at that point) who supported me through all the difficulties and changes, and I made a lot of new friends through her.
I don't think you should change who you are. As long as you're not being cruel, having opinions and wanting to have meaningful conversations and debates with people is an admirable quality. I found that the more confidence I built in myself, the more people gravitated towards me. I spent a year in therapy (something I would recommend to you in order to develop your confidence and understand yourself better), and now I find myself with many friends, probably 5 of which I'm VERY close to. I met these people through friends of friends and when I noticed a commonality or connection with someone, I would initiate one on one time to strengthen our friendship. Even if you're able to identify one like-minded person in a group of people during a gathering, you can nurture that friendship which can lead to many other friendships.
Again--I don't think the question you asked is one to be answered, because I don't think you should change you who are--I think you should embrace that person and find others like you.
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30-07-2014, 06:30 PM
RE: I Think I Have a Bad Character
(30-07-2014 12:32 AM)Cyvas Wrote:  Lately I've had to cut ties with a lot of people I thought were my friends. I've been finding that they don't enjoy my company because I seem to complain and start debates a lot. I don't mean to. I'm just trying to start conversation. It's hard being a new atheist because I used to get support from church and fellow Christian friends but now I see through it all and I feel I have no friends who understand me. I'm pretty isolated where I live. I guess I'm just looking for advice on becoming a better person to be around. I'm usually quiet and reserved in person but I'll speak my mind if provoked. Some people will say I shouldn't change who I am and others will tell me I still need to work on myself. What should I do?

Learning takes time. I learn so much every time I do something that irritates, annoys, or offends someone. As hard as it is losing friends, when they honestly tell my why they can no longer be my friend or why it is unpleasant being around me, it goes straight to the heart and keeps going through my memory reminding me not to make the mistake in the future.

It doesn't happen over night. I've been coming to discussion forums for over a year and am just coming to realize what is and is not Spam. But have improved tremendously despite still being quite a socially inept dumbass that nobody likes from time to time.

You my friend are going through an enourmous and difficult change leaving theism. It's hell and you may often find yourself taking a half a step back for every step forward.

The disease of Religious scrupulosity is cunning, baffling, and powerful. You will relapse from time to time. Don't give up!!
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30-07-2014, 07:07 PM
RE: I Think I Have a Bad Character
Sometimes I wish there was an Atheist church or some place I could go to talk to people to have the same beliefs. But I realize that is exactly what I don't want. It would be just going back to the same addiction as before, just under a different name. I don't want another group of people enforcing beliefs onto me so I become stuck in my ways and can't hear the truth about anything. It is hard to face the truth sometimes but I find it to be more comforting than even the most diluted fantasy. If being in reality means I'll have only a few friends, then I'll cherish those friends more than my own life.
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30-07-2014, 07:14 PM
RE: I Think I Have a Bad Character
Search for meetups in your area. Search under Freethought and things like that and you should be able to find something. It's not church but rather gatherings with like-minded people. They have speakers and activities.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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30-07-2014, 07:16 PM
RE: I Think I Have a Bad Character
there are a lot of social groups out there that don't try to push any religious views or anti religious views or philosophy.

you might wanna try meet up.com to find local groups that may be of interest to u.
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30-07-2014, 09:48 PM
RE: I Think I Have a Bad Character
Would there be any threads pertaining to that on this forum?
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30-07-2014, 09:52 PM
RE: I Think I Have a Bad Character
I'm new to the forum. Couldn't hurt for you to start one. I would for you but someone told me I'm a spammer because I created too many threads in the last five days. Whatevs!

I'm trying to abide by the rules.
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31-07-2014, 12:07 AM
RE: I Think I Have a Bad Character
(30-07-2014 09:48 PM)Cyvas Wrote:  Would there be any threads pertaining to that on this forum?

If your looking for friends on this forum you will find a lot of them. I met a lot of cool people just making posts here and there about different topics and chatting and getting to know people. There's plenty of sections you can post in and get to know some people. When I started out and since I'm in to science I made a post in the Science section and had some good conversations.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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