I am a mother but ...
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10-08-2012, 03:06 AM
RE: I am a mother but ...
Thank you LadyJane!! I am now officially cyber-hugging you > *cyber-hugging LadyJane*

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10-08-2012, 03:58 AM
RE: I am a mother but ...
(10-08-2012 01:37 AM)LadyJane Wrote:  Don't be a doormat! (I've had to learn this, too. That has always been my role in family and friendships, probably why I chose the career path I did when I was younger.)

Make sure your help is recognized in a healthy way, and create boundaries. Say no, only answer the phone at certain times (so don't always be available for needy people, give them time to develop their own problem solving skills- that's helpful too!) and take days or weeks off.

In school the first thing my graduate class learned was that you MUST do self care to prevent burn out. So whatever helps you get that mental space and wellness. You can't help anyone if you are a mess yourself.

Also, source out. If someone's one problem is too much for you, give them numbers or people who can also help to share the work load. This is helpful for everyone involved.

Finally, recognize when someone actually wants help or they want attention. If it's always the same problem and they haven't taken your advice to help solve it or work at it, likely it is attention (unless it truly is an ongoing crisis, like addictions or mental health- then they need a support system and not just you, so again, outsource).

I think we all have times where others get overwhelming, I certainly have! It's all about the balance Smile

^^^ Wot she said.

Can I have a hug too?

No?

Oh, ok. Sadcryface2

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10-08-2012, 04:22 AM
RE: I am a mother but ...
Here DLJ, I'll give you a hug. No homo. *cyber-hugging DLJ*

Big Grin

There, feeling better?

Tongue

HEY, I said NO homo!!

Dodgy

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10-08-2012, 04:34 AM
RE: I am a mother but ...
(10-08-2012 04:22 AM)Filox Wrote:  Here DLJ, I'll give you a hug. No homo. *cyber-hugging DLJ*

Big Grin

There, feeling better?

Tongue

HEY, I said NO homo!!

Dodgy

I strangely do!

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10-08-2012, 04:36 AM
RE: I am a mother but ...
*KHMgayKHMgay*

Tongue

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10-08-2012, 06:07 AM
RE: I am a mother but ...
Careful of those that take and take and don't give back. I have been cutting those people out of my life the last few years and am calmer because of it. Those people include my own mother.

It's great to help people through a rough time but when they keep showing up with the same issues it shows that they aren't really looking for help or have any desire to really change anything. Emotional vampires...they suck the life out of you and never give anything back.

I simply don't want drama in my life any more...and I sure don't want to be drawn in to someone else's nuttiness. It's exhausting.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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10-08-2012, 08:09 AM
RE: I am a mother but ...
Anjele: I understand your point. For me it is really difficult to not help even if I don't get something back from it. Especially with emotional thing. I can't see people suffering - unless it is the "I am dieing because my girlfriend left me"-type of stuff. In such cases I am a bit cold because literally everyone goes through these things and they are all fine and can deal and so on... But apart from these things. I went through so much pain in my life that I just want people to be happy and feel good, I want flowers and butterflies for everyone Big Grin

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10-08-2012, 09:30 AM
RE: I am a mother but ...
(10-08-2012 08:09 AM)Leela Wrote:  Anjele: I understand your point. For me it is really difficult to not help even if I don't get something back from it. Especially with emotional thing. I can't see people suffering - unless it is the "I am dieing because my girlfriend left me"-type of stuff. In such cases I am a bit cold because literally everyone goes through these things and they are all fine and can deal and so on... But apart from these things. I went through so much pain in my life that I just want people to be happy and feel good, I want flowers and butterflies for everyone Big Grin
I get that but just know that some people are perfectly happy in their misery and aren't looking for flowers and butterflies...therefore...misery loves company.

Just be careful in knowing who is after what...someone that really is looking for help or someone looking to share the gloom. Hobo

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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10-08-2012, 04:46 PM
RE: I am a mother but ...
(10-08-2012 03:06 AM)Leela Wrote:  Thank you LadyJane!! I am now officially cyber-hugging you > *cyber-hugging LadyJane*

I'll come for a real one some day! I love to travel Big Grin
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10-08-2012, 05:03 PM
RE: I am a mother but ...
(10-08-2012 04:46 PM)LadyJane Wrote:  
(10-08-2012 03:06 AM)Leela Wrote:  Thank you LadyJane!! I am now officially cyber-hugging you > *cyber-hugging LadyJane*

I'll come for a real one some day! I love to travel Big Grin

Sure come by, if you ever make your way to Romania Big Grin

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