I am afraid of sleeping
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15-01-2017, 07:23 PM
Shocked I am afraid of sleeping
Exactly that.
But giving some background.
It is no secret that I have a huge sleeping problem and I had it for years.
It must have started in my early 20s so we are talking at least 10 years.

Back then it started because of my depression and ptsd. But the sleeping problems didn't go away when my ptsd went away. They also didn't go away when my depression started to fade more and more.

It has actually become so bad that I am scared of sleeping. I can be fine all day, have the day of my life, but when I go to bed, I start getting circular thoughts, my heart starts pounding, and no matter how tired and sleepy I was, the second my head touches the pillow, I am wide awake. It's exhausting.
So 2 months ago I was at the doctor to get some test results back and I also asked if he had something to help me sleep. He prescribed me a sleeping pill.
The sleeping pill does help. It helps me sleep through the night and not wake up all the time. But it doesn't quite help me fall asleep. I get a weird fuzzy head, yes, but it is not putting me into lala-land like my old one that I had many moons ago.

Now I am, at this point, afraid to even pick my brain to find out what is going on (especially considering the weird flashes or whatever that was that I had a few nights ago). I used to meditate and through meditation I fixed a lot of my problems, a lot of my trauma and so on. But I did at times dig too deep and I do not want to dig too deep again. I am afraid at what I could find to be honest. I don't want to break again.

I usually like talking to my husband about everything. He has a way that is very helpful. But I don't want to misuse him as a therapist and also sometimes I just want to work through my issues before talking to him.
I have been considering trying to see a therapist for a while now but I wouldn't know how to find an atheist trans-friendly therapist here in Ireland really... Very catholic country and I really don't need a therapist telling me to have faith y'know. And also, last time I tried therapy, it just failed on me. Maybe I never found the right one, it never clicked? But for me it didn't work. No therapy, no hospitalisation, nothing. So am I a lost case? Anybody has any tips and tricks or whatever? I can't take sleeping pills for the rest of my life, that's no good.

cheers

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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15-01-2017, 07:38 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
Not really a constant issue in my case. But every so often something will bring out a bad memory and my mind will start wandering. Sometimes I'll throw on my headphones with an audio book or podcast and let that keep me distracted as I drift off to sleep.

Cats also help. I know it's cliché, but they seem to know.

'Murican Canadian
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15-01-2017, 07:39 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
Hug

Heart
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15-01-2017, 07:43 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
What happens if you're up for 24 hours straight? Is it still not easy for you to fall asleep? What about 34?

Eventually there is an amount of time that when endured, will be the time for sleep. You will know it's that time when you are really fucking tired. Go to sleep then. Don't tell yourself, "normal people sleep at x time or x amount, therefore if I don't sleep at x time or x amount there is something wrong with me." Rather, go to sleep when you feel tired.

I say this from personal experience; as someone who sleeps way less than what is considered normal. You're not going to die from sleep deprivation; your body will force itself to go to sleep waaay before then.
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15-01-2017, 07:49 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
I sometimes struggle with sleep, if I have a lot on my mind, and my fiance is really great about helping me deal with stress sometimes, but harnessing stress can be hard. It really can. So, if you believe it to be caused from stress, maybe yoga or stretching before bed might help.

Hugs, I know how tough it can be... Heart

Be true to yourself. Heart
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15-01-2017, 07:54 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
I would still look into the therapist. What about a support group?

There are different kinds of meditation. Some just involve breathing techniques and some like yoga nidra, just involve going through and relaxing each part of your body. I also find light stretching via yoga helps before bed.

Maybe ask your husband to give you a nice massage or rub your back. Sometimes I also find a hot bath helps, maybe light some scented candles.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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15-01-2017, 07:54 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
Did you ever try melatonin? It's an herbal sleep aid. It helps you fall asleep but it's not really a sleeping pill. It's very popular in the ADD/ADHD & Autism Spectrum communities.

Help for the living. Hope for the dead. ~ R.G. Ingersoll

Freedom offers opportunity. Opportunity confers responsibility. Responsibility to use the freedom we enjoy wisely, honestly and humanely. ~ Noam Chomsky
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15-01-2017, 08:49 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
I have almost the same as you described. It takes me hours to fall asleep, then I wake up throughout the night.
The bigger problem is that I have seizures when I don't sleep enough. Now my insurance is gone and I can't fill my Rx for the seizure pills and the anti-depressants I take.
My ACA coverage didn't even wait for a repeal, they just cancelled me at the end of 2016.
Angry
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16-01-2017, 12:16 AM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
(15-01-2017 07:54 PM)Fatbaldhobbit Wrote:  Did you ever try melatonin? It's an herbal sleep aid. [...]

I have what's called an N-24 sleep dysfunction (Circadian rhythm of around 28 hours). Melatonin—in Australia at least—is not a "herbal" medication; it's a synthesised drug and is available on doctor's prescription only.

You may be thinking of Valerian, which did absolutely zilch for me.

—And I can more than empathise with you Leela re your sleeping issues. I also strongly agree that sleep disorders are initially very poorly diagnosed by clinicians, and that there's no effective therapy even on the slim chance that they do acknowledge your sleep issue.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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16-01-2017, 12:38 AM (This post was last modified: 16-01-2017 12:42 AM by EvolutionKills.)
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
Listen to something to distract yourself. Put on a movie that you love and know by heart, just start it and leave it on, but only barely loud enough to hear. It'll keep you focused on it for a bit, but if it's something you're very familiar with it, you also won't be driven to give it all of your attention. Think of it as a way of distracting your conscious, so that the rest of your brain can make with the falling asleep. I sometimes do this, and my go-to is 'The Hunt For Red October'. More often than not however I just fall asleep listening to podcast episodes that I've already heard before. In fact I make it a point never to put a new episode on, because I find ones that I haven't listened to before too distracting, I get too invest in listening to them and they're unable to fade into background noise. So yeah, most days I fall asleep listing to old podcast episodes I've already heard before.

Also, this is within the context of working night shift for over 5 years, and sleeping in the late afternoon so that I wake up at 10pm to head right to work at 11pm. If you were ever curious about my up-all-night posting habits here, now you know, I am literally up each and every night all night long.

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