I am afraid of sleeping
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
16-01-2017, 03:29 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
Thanks everybody for the kind words.

I would like to address some of the points but I am not patient enough to quote and scroll around for names, sorry for that. Just really tired (and hoping I get more sleep today). Lucky me, having Thursday to Sunday off this week. I can sleep a lot then.

About the circadian rhythm:
I have heard that it is usually about 24 hours for humans but some people may go 23 or 25 hours. Actually never heard of 28 but to be honest it kinda sounds closer to what I would probably go with. Then again, doesn't exactly help much as long as I hold a normal office job.

About stopping to try and find help / just accepting it:
I have tried the accepting bit for the past 10+ years. I don't think that it is, in my case, just a thing that my body does. In my case, I think there is a reason. I mentioned when and how it started. I didn't always have sleep troubles. It used to be just fine when it comes to falling asleep etc. Though I never knew the feeling of freshness or being fit for the day after sleeping.

About meditation:
Thanks for the tips. The thing is, I am actually very experienced. I started meditating when I was 10 and I did it all the way up to adulthood. But although I am very able to do various simple and difficult meditations, I cannot do it anymore nowadays from a mental point of view. Meditation was also a huge part of my spiritualism / religion. And when I lost that, I just never could bring myself to meditate again. It is like telling an ex-christian to pray for relaxation. I just cannot do it anymore. And side-note, I used to have a great technique to help me fall asleep back in the day.

About listening to stuff:
Yes that sounds very familiar. When I was younger and alone home at night, I would turn the news channel or a nature documentary on and fall asleep to it. That was when I was scared alone home. Just helped to have some noise and keep my brain from freaking out. I might try that again why not. Just need to find a way to hook my phone to a powersource on my side of the bed without running wires across my husbands face Big Grin

About a support group:
I would feel silly and be unable to speak. Also support for what? Sit together and be sad that we cannot fall asleep? That sounds very silly to me. No, what I need is some guidance from an experienced therapist who knows how to deal with "difficult" patients. Because I tend to, even when I want to seek help, to have my protective walls up. And the genius-therapist who can crack me hasn't shown up yet but if he/she ever does, I hope we can safely get to the bottom of things.

About just staying up until I fall asleep:
I tried that in the past. My longest time awake was 54 hours in a row and I was wide awake at the point (no coffee needed). In the past I tried to reset my sleep by staying up 36 hours. But it never helped. I would then go to sleep and have the same sleeping troubles again the next day.

About the blood test:
I just had one 3 months ago. Some things were found, I went through a ton of clinical tests with some more to come, and treatment for some stuff has started.
I do notice a difference in mood and energy levels in general but my sleep issues have not been solved.

Currently - on work nights - I am taking Stilnoct before sleeping. And while it only does a medium job helping me fall asleep, I can sleep through the night with it. That's a great improvement but as I said, I don't want to take sleeping pills for the rest of my life.
As for what triggered me to start this thread.
So I was going through a big crisis for the past few months and have just come out of it. I am fine on that level now but it kinda started some weird things in my brain and that is why I said I am afraid of sleeping. Or let's say of going to bed and closing my eyes. I have always seen images or patterns or colours when my eyes were closed (not dreams) and it is just a normal thing for me to see that. But the other night it wasn't calm colour patterns etc, it was some bad shit (don't wanna go in detail sorry) and I don't know where it came from but I think it is connected to that crisis I had. So at first I wanted to pick my brain with some of my more advanced meditation techniques but then I decided that I am actually afraid to find something so I did not do it. Now it's nagging in the back of my head and half freaking me out. Our brains are powerful and they build barriers around things for good reasons... Some barriers should probably not be torn down? I am rambling.

Today I got me a new pack of sleeping pills and asked the pharmacist how to take them exactly to make sure they do their job well. She gave me some direction and I will try to follow that. Wish me luck, I guess.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Leerob's post
16-01-2017, 03:52 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
(16-01-2017 03:29 PM)Leela Wrote:  Thanks everybody for the kind words.

I would like to address some of the points but I am not patient enough to quote and scroll around for names, sorry for that. Just really tired (and hoping I get more sleep today). Lucky me, having Thursday to Sunday off this week. I can sleep a lot then.

About the circadian rhythm:
I have heard that it is usually about 24 hours for humans but some people may go 23 or 25 hours. Actually never heard of 28 but to be honest it kinda sounds closer to what I would probably go with. Then again, doesn't exactly help much as long as I hold a normal office job.

About stopping to try and find help / just accepting it:
I have tried the accepting bit for the past 10+ years. I don't think that it is, in my case, just a thing that my body does. In my case, I think there is a reason. I mentioned when and how it started. I didn't always have sleep troubles. It used to be just fine when it comes to falling asleep etc. Though I never knew the feeling of freshness or being fit for the day after sleeping.

About meditation:
Thanks for the tips. The thing is, I am actually very experienced. I started meditating when I was 10 and I did it all the way up to adulthood. But although I am very able to do various simple and difficult meditations, I cannot do it anymore nowadays from a mental point of view. Meditation was also a huge part of my spiritualism / religion. And when I lost that, I just never could bring myself to meditate again. It is like telling an ex-christian to pray for relaxation. I just cannot do it anymore. And side-note, I used to have a great technique to help me fall asleep back in the day.

About listening to stuff:
Yes that sounds very familiar. When I was younger and alone home at night, I would turn the news channel or a nature documentary on and fall asleep to it. That was when I was scared alone home. Just helped to have some noise and keep my brain from freaking out. I might try that again why not. Just need to find a way to hook my phone to a powersource on my side of the bed without running wires across my husbands face Big Grin

About a support group:
I would feel silly and be unable to speak. Also support for what? Sit together and be sad that we cannot fall asleep? That sounds very silly to me. No, what I need is some guidance from an experienced therapist who knows how to deal with "difficult" patients. Because I tend to, even when I want to seek help, to have my protective walls up. And the genius-therapist who can crack me hasn't shown up yet but if he/she ever does, I hope we can safely get to the bottom of things.

About just staying up until I fall asleep:
I tried that in the past. My longest time awake was 54 hours in a row and I was wide awake at the point (no coffee needed). In the past I tried to reset my sleep by staying up 36 hours. But it never helped. I would then go to sleep and have the same sleeping troubles again the next day.

About the blood test:
I just had one 3 months ago. Some things were found, I went through a ton of clinical tests with some more to come, and treatment for some stuff has started.
I do notice a difference in mood and energy levels in general but my sleep issues have not been solved.

Currently - on work nights - I am taking Stilnoct before sleeping. And while it only does a medium job helping me fall asleep, I can sleep through the night with it. That's a great improvement but as I said, I don't want to take sleeping pills for the rest of my life.
As for what triggered me to start this thread.
So I was going through a big crisis for the past few months and have just come out of it. I am fine on that level now but it kinda started some weird things in my brain and that is why I said I am afraid of sleeping. Or let's say of going to bed and closing my eyes. I have always seen images or patterns or colours when my eyes were closed (not dreams) and it is just a normal thing for me to see that. But the other night it wasn't calm colour patterns etc, it was some bad shit (don't wanna go in detail sorry) and I don't know where it came from but I think it is connected to that crisis I had. So at first I wanted to pick my brain with some of my more advanced meditation techniques but then I decided that I am actually afraid to find something so I did not do it. Now it's nagging in the back of my head and half freaking me out. Our brains are powerful and they build barriers around things for good reasons... Some barriers should probably not be torn down? I am rambling.

Today I got me a new pack of sleeping pills and asked the pharmacist how to take them exactly to make sure they do their job well. She gave me some direction and I will try to follow that. Wish me luck, I guess.

I agree you need to find what works for you because everyone is different and what might work for one person won't necessarily work for the other.

If meditation is a trigger for you, what about just doing some breathing exercises?

About the support group, I was thinking it might be helpful to talk to others who also are struggling with sleep issues, maybe they might have some ideas as to what they are doing that might help you. Or maybe it would help to have someone else to listen, someone who understands (you had mentioned in your post you didn't want to keep putting it solely on your husband, that's why I suggested a support group, to open up your circle of support, so to speak).

I totally agree about finding the right therapist for you. I think you have to feel comfortable, safe, and at ease in that type of environment in order to make progress.

*Hugs to you* and I hope you get this all figured out soon!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-01-2017, 04:19 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
One thing I thought about is your hormones. If I recall correctly you're trans? Are you taking male hormones? I have to say, my daughter is also trans and before she started female hormones (male to female) she had a hard time sleeping. I think it was the turmoil she was going through that kept her awake. Are you on hormones or do you plan to be on them in the near future?

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like dancefortwo's post
16-01-2017, 04:54 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
I too sometimes struggle to sleep well, usually thanks to my anxiety, which in turn feeds into itself. The results can be nasty.

I find that a glass of warm milk or chamomile tea and listening to forest sounds helps a ton. I also have a blue nightlight, which feels like a very soothing color. I always have a fan going to add background noise. Having grown up on military bases, it's hard to sleep without something making noise.

Melatonin is my last resort, and I don't take very much (you don't need hardly as much as it recommends).

Do you have any plants in your room? It's a lil silly but I feel they calm me down :x

Ignorance is not to be ignored.

Check out my DA gallery! http://oo-kiri-oo.deviantart.com/gallery/
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-01-2017, 05:05 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
Quote:So 2 months ago I was at the doctor to get some test results back and I also asked if he had something to help me sleep. He prescribed me a sleeping pill.
The sleeping pill does help. It helps me sleep through the night and not wake up all the time. But it doesn't quite help me fall asleep.


Tell the doc that one doesn't work and to try something else.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-01-2017, 05:43 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
The only place I ever have trouble sleeping is in my own bed. If I'm in a hotel, my car, a tent, or an igloo, I'm out fast.

'Murican Canadian
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-01-2017, 05:45 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
dancefortwo: Yes, trans but no I am not taking any testosterone and currently am not planning to. I think the turmoil that currently keeps me awake has to do with other things but yes, there is quite some turmoil.

Loom: A blue light for sleeping? That would feel cold to me. I remember when I was a kid, I had a little sleep light. Very small, just the plug with a protected light bulb on it. and my grandmother would put it in the socket directly. The light was on socket height actually (like 20 cm off the ground). Simple but effective. I used to be very scared in the dark when I was little and it absolutely did the job. My grandmother would also leave the light in the hallway on because she knew I was scared of the dark and my door had a glass inlet so it would shine through. Sometimes she'd think I am asleep and turn the light off so I had to go downstairs (through the dark. I got some balls right there Tongue ) and tell her I am still awake Big Grin Quite the memory you had me recall there.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-01-2017, 09:23 PM
RE: I am afraid of sleeping
(16-01-2017 05:45 PM)Leela Wrote:  dancefortwo: Yes, trans but no I am not taking any testosterone and currently am not planning to. I think the turmoil that currently keeps me awake has to do with other things but yes, there is quite some turmoil.

Loom: A blue light for sleeping? That would feel cold to me. I remember when I was a kid, I had a little sleep light. Very small, just the plug with a protected light bulb on it. and my grandmother would put it in the socket directly. The light was on socket height actually (like 20 cm off the ground). Simple but effective. I used to be very scared in the dark when I was little and it absolutely did the job. My grandmother would also leave the light in the hallway on because she knew I was scared of the dark and my door had a glass inlet so it would shine through. Sometimes she'd think I am asleep and turn the light off so I had to go downstairs (through the dark. I got some balls right there Tongue ) and tell her I am still awake Big Grin Quite the memory you had me recall there.

I think the light reminds me of the moon's glow. IDK it's helped me loads with sleeping. I first thought of using a warm red light but the color blue has been far more soothing (plus my room won't look like an evil lair).

I too had a fear of the dark as a kid, and I admit even now I occasionally scurry out of the room when I shut off a light Tongue

Ignorance is not to be ignored.

Check out my DA gallery! http://oo-kiri-oo.deviantart.com/gallery/
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: