I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
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17-07-2014, 06:47 AM
RE: I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
(17-07-2014 06:41 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(17-07-2014 06:12 AM)wazzel Wrote:  ...
I have very few issues with my kids when my wife is not around. They are good kids for the most part, but she keeps everyone in the house so tense the stress gets to the kids.

OK, this is getting weird!

I am seriously beginning to think that you might have married my ex!

I hope you don't mind me asking but does / did your wife have a very strong bond with her father and a very tense relationship with her mother?

I do not mind you asking. Not sure how strong the relationship with he dad is, but her and her mom do have an extreemly tense relationship. They live an hour away and we do not visit often. When we do, if we stay to long they will start going at each other. I have actually had to physically separate them a couple of times becasue I though they were going to start hitting each other.
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17-07-2014, 07:08 AM
RE: I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
(17-07-2014 06:47 AM)wazzel Wrote:  ...
I do not mind you asking. Not sure how strong the relationship with he dad is, but her and her mom do have an extreemly tense relationship. They live an hour away and we do not visit often. When we do, if we stay to long they will start going at each other. I have actually had to physically separate them a couple of times becasue I though they were going to start hitting each other.

Yes I suspected as much.

Consider the possibility that she is subconsciously undermining your authority (i.e. undermining the respect you need from the children in order to exert influence) because she fears that if they love you more than they love her, it will become like the relationship that she has with her mother.

Do you know about Transactional Analysis?
[Image: transactionalanalysis.jpg]

Deliberately or otherwise, she might be aiming for a Child-Child relationship with them.

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17-07-2014, 07:18 AM
RE: I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
Well, duh, he relationship with her kids is already like what she has with her mom. The whole thing is a re-play and likely will end the same way.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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17-07-2014, 08:26 AM
RE: I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
My mom got tired of us kids being really negative one year. She used to make us say three positive things for every negative we spouted off.

Call your brother stupid? Say three nice things about him.
Complain about your chores? Name three things that you are privileged to have.
Whine about the food? Find three nice things to say about it.

We all hated it and rolled our eyes. We'd begrudgingly say things like "you're handsome because you're related to me." But it was a good life lesson about thinking on the good things in our lives.

It might be something that can help your teenagers.

Atheism is the only way to truly be free from sin.
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17-07-2014, 11:28 AM
RE: I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
Time to take a Vacation. Just don't take Malaysia Airlines!
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17-07-2014, 11:40 AM
RE: I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
(17-07-2014 07:08 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(17-07-2014 06:47 AM)wazzel Wrote:  ...
I do not mind you asking. Not sure how strong the relationship with he dad is, but her and her mom do have an extreemly tense relationship. They live an hour away and we do not visit often. When we do, if we stay to long they will start going at each other. I have actually had to physically separate them a couple of times becasue I though they were going to start hitting each other.

Yes I suspected as much.

Consider the possibility that she is subconsciously undermining your authority (i.e. undermining the respect you need from the children in order to exert influence) because she fears that if they love you more than they love her, it will become like the relationship that she has with her mother.

Do you know about Transactional Analysis?
[Image: transactionalanalysis.jpg]

Deliberately or otherwise, she might be aiming for a Child-Child relationship with them.

No I have not heard of Tranasactional Analysis before. I suspect she has some negative feeling to the fact I can manage the kids better than her and they seem to be willing to talk to me about stuff.
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17-07-2014, 11:42 AM
RE: I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
(17-07-2014 07:18 AM)Dom Wrote:  Well, duh, he relationship with her kids is already like what she has with her mom. The whole thing is a re-play and likely will end the same way.

Pretty much. Which sucks for me. Once the kids are gone they are not going to want to spend much time with her so I will not get to see them much as adults.Sad
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20-07-2014, 08:40 PM
RE: I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
My two sons argued incessantly, usually the younger one stirring the pot and then he'd tattle on his older brother. 5 min of peace and quiet was non existent. A strict rule was no bickering at the table, pleasant conversation or keep quiet. The younger would immediately start in. When he'd pushed too far I picked up his plate, put his supper in the garbage and told him he was excused from the table. The silence was almost overwhelming. The next morning as I was preparing breakfast he started tattling. I didn't fix his breakfast. He broke the rule. I was holding the high card and so are you. You need to sit down with them and inform them of the changes that will occur if the bickering continues. It could be an allowance withheld, a ride, whatever you think up. Write it down and give each a copy when you hold your discussion. Be tough and stick to it. BTW every Sat. morning the kids will help with household and outside chores. Your wife should appreciate this. Give the kids the leadership they need and maybe your wife will feel your on her team.
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20-07-2014, 08:51 PM
RE: I am going to sound like a bad father and spouce
I have nothing of value to add to this discussion, but I appreciate the reminder of how great my family is. I have none of these issues. Of course, I have sons and not daughters, which minimizes the drama. And the oldest is just 13. So that helps. Oh, and my wife is not competing with my sons the way I suspect yours is with your daughters. That helps too.

Life is good. Thanks for the reminder.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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