I am so disappointed in myself
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07-09-2014, 10:27 PM
I am so disappointed in myself
I am recently out of a relationship with a religious person (mormon) and I have to say it out loud: He tricked me all the way.
How did he fool me for 2 years; just mind bending. I have never given it much thought, but now that he is gone, just now, I am putting pieces of the puzzle together. How could I have missed so many of his lies? The picture that emerges is that of a sad man, with no self esteem, and no morals.
I have spent the day searching forums that contain the words "chronic liar", "compulsive liar", "pathological liar".
Oh man! His behaviors were textbook deception. And his actions were a perfect match. I caught him cheating on me and that was finally my big reg flag.
There were many lies as well but I figured there was nothing too bad.
I DID NOT KNOW THE MAN!
A cold liar, cunning, conniving, manipulative SOB. He isn't even that smart. I always had to help him with his paperwork and even do his homework at times.
I feel so ignorant for not seeing it sooner. I had to play detective for quite a few weeks to catch him red handed and even when exposed to cold, hard evidence he would deny. Deny, deny, deny, and cover it with more lies.
I feel sad but mostly for myself. All of my feelings toward him were replaced with disappointment, disbelief, and repulse. I am blue, but not brokenhearted.
How did I miss it all??Angry
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07-09-2014, 10:42 PM
RE: I am so disappointed in myself
Sorry you had to go through that.
I hope you don't beat yourself up too much over it.
People like him have usually have had many years of practice honing their "craft." Most people don't automatically assume that the person they're in a relationship with are lying to them all the time.
You were smart to figure it out, be happy you were able to get away before it got any worse.
Cheaters are chickenshits who don't have the guts to end a relationship honorably because it's easier and less of a hassle for them to lie around it.
Best of luck to you.
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07-09-2014, 10:47 PM
RE: I am so disappointed in myself
(07-09-2014 10:27 PM)Elenambass Wrote:  I am recently out of a relationship with a religious person (mormon) and I have to say it out loud: He tricked me all the way.
How did he fool me for 2 years; just mind bending. I have never given it much thought, but now that he is gone, just now, I am putting pieces of the puzzle together. How could I have missed so many of his lies? The picture that emerges is that of a sad man, with no self esteem, and no morals.
I have spent the day searching forums that contain the words "chronic liar", "compulsive liar", "pathological liar".
Oh man! His behaviors were textbook deception. And his actions were a perfect match. I caught him cheating on me and that was finally my big reg flag.
There were many lies as well but I figured there was nothing too bad.
I DID NOT KNOW THE MAN!
A cold liar, cunning, conniving, manipulative SOB. He isn't even that smart. I always had to help him with his paperwork and even do his homework at times.
I feel so ignorant for not seeing it sooner. I had to play detective for quite a few weeks to catch him red handed and even when exposed to cold, hard evidence he would deny. Deny, deny, deny, and cover it with more lies.
I feel sad but mostly for myself. All of my feelings toward him were replaced with disappointment, disbelief, and repulse. I am blue, but not brokenhearted.
How did I miss it all??Angry

Hug

It's happened to all of us at one time or another. Next time hopefully you won't be fooled or you'll just meet the right person that doesn't need to try to trick you.

Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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07-09-2014, 10:54 PM
RE: I am so disappointed in myself
This may not have occurred to yet, but you don't know the other people in your sex life, you might want to get some blood work done.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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08-09-2014, 12:54 AM
RE: I am so disappointed in myself
(07-09-2014 10:27 PM)Elenambass Wrote:  I am recently out of a relationship with a religious person (mormon) and I have to say it out loud: He tricked me all the way.
How did he fool me for 2 years; just mind bending. I have never given it much thought, but now that he is gone, just now, I am putting pieces of the puzzle together. How could I have missed so many of his lies? The picture that emerges is that of a sad man, with no self esteem, and no morals.
I have spent the day searching forums that contain the words "chronic liar", "compulsive liar", "pathological liar".
Oh man! His behaviors were textbook deception. And his actions were a perfect match. I caught him cheating on me and that was finally my big reg flag.
There were many lies as well but I figured there was nothing too bad.
I DID NOT KNOW THE MAN!
A cold liar, cunning, conniving, manipulative SOB. He isn't even that smart. I always had to help him with his paperwork and even do his homework at times.
I feel so ignorant for not seeing it sooner. I had to play detective for quite a few weeks to catch him red handed and even when exposed to cold, hard evidence he would deny. Deny, deny, deny, and cover it with more lies.
I feel sad but mostly for myself. All of my feelings toward him were replaced with disappointment, disbelief, and repulse. I am blue, but not brokenhearted.
How did I miss it all??Angry

Yeah been there too. Hug

Mine was everything you describe and more. Try not to be too hard on yourself because they are masters at the craft of deception! The man I fell in love with and married, never actually existed. He didn't show his true self for a couple of years!

It gets better. Live, learn and move on.

It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. ~Mark Twain
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08-09-2014, 06:03 PM
RE: I am so disappointed in myself
2 years? Pfffft. Amateur!

10 years. 10 looooong years.

I'll see your dumb and raise it 8 years.

-Thinkerbelle, PhD in Blind Stupidity.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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08-09-2014, 06:11 PM
RE: I am so disappointed in myself
(07-09-2014 10:27 PM)Elenambass Wrote:  I am recently out of a relationship with a religious person (mormon) and I have to say it out loud: He tricked me all the way.
How did he fool me for 2 years; just mind bending. I have never given it much thought, but now that he is gone, just now, I am putting pieces of the puzzle together. How could I have missed so many of his lies? The picture that emerges is that of a sad man, with no self esteem, and no morals.
I have spent the day searching forums that contain the words "chronic liar", "compulsive liar", "pathological liar".
Oh man! His behaviors were textbook deception. And his actions were a perfect match. I caught him cheating on me and that was finally my big reg flag.
There were many lies as well but I figured there was nothing too bad.
I DID NOT KNOW THE MAN!
A cold liar, cunning, conniving, manipulative SOB. He isn't even that smart. I always had to help him with his paperwork and even do his homework at times.
I feel so ignorant for not seeing it sooner. I had to play detective for quite a few weeks to catch him red handed and even when exposed to cold, hard evidence he would deny. Deny, deny, deny, and cover it with more lies.
I feel sad but mostly for myself. All of my feelings toward him were replaced with disappointment, disbelief, and repulse. I am blue, but not brokenhearted.
How did I miss it all??Angry

Congratulations!


wait...what..?

Allow me to expound. Perspective is everything, you should thank him, thank him for showing you he was an ungrateful cheating dick BEFORE you got married, had three kids and mortgage Yes Go forth, enjoy the freedom to make better choices in the future, be thankful you got paroled from that potential life sentence of lies and deception...feel glorious in your freedom, take a long hot bath Yes find a new hobby to immerse yourself in, swat away those who pine for your attention, they are not worthy...focus on you and the fact you have an incredible life ahead of you to explore AND you get to pick whom you wish to share that with...someday.

You should send dick a card, "thanks dick"....thanks for not getting me pregnant, saying your vows with your fingers crossed behind your back, continuing to be a lying deceitful piece of shit while deluging me with fabricated stories of "I gotta work late tonight", "yeah I got this thing to do with Andy, we are going backpacking and its a guy bonding thing"..."no, no I wasn't looking at her, I thought she reminded me of someone" etc etc

CONGRATS!!!!!

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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08-09-2014, 06:15 PM
RE: I am so disappointed in myself
My second husband could simply not tell the truth. About anything. I remember when I first met his parents and I asked how old his brother was. Mother-in-law looked at my husband and said how old are you. His answer was not the same age he had told me he was.

Should have run then but my dumb ass didn't. The list of what he didn't lie about would fit on a matchstick. He lied in big ways and small ways. He lied when the truth would have been much better. I got caught by his lies - totally unaware sometimes.

Seven years I stayed. The lies still continue...our son has written him off because he can't be trusted.

Somehow we can get sucked in and we really want to believe that some piece of it is true. When you aren't a liar it's hard to understand someone that can only lie.

Sorry you are hurting...it does get better when you get away from them.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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08-09-2014, 06:46 PM
RE: I am so disappointed in myself
I am sorry that you've been deceived. Although I'm not clear on what he has deceived you on aside from fidelity. Care to vent?

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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08-09-2014, 07:10 PM
RE: I am so disappointed in myself
Something that might help too is to look into "narcissistic personality disorder." Much of what you describe seems to fit the characteristics of NPD. It will help you to see that they are quite masterful at lies and deception. I assure you, it will be time well spent as all those puzzle pieces will make sense. I'm sorry you went through this but happy you got out!

Heart

Be true to yourself. Heart
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