I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
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24-03-2017, 08:23 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
(24-03-2017 08:18 PM)Aliza Wrote:  I would have thought the appropriate action would have been to just throw the thread into the viper's pit. Isn't that what it's there for?

I dunno. It's just a forum. Drinking Beverage

Troll threads go in there a lot. Two established members, usually we can contact them via PM and calm it down. Alternately, if there is not time for that (maybe cause one has to go to work or sleep) locking the thread for long enough for the parties to calm down is a good option. Overnight is not too long, the topic won't have disappeared from earth overnight. Tempers tend to cool though.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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24-03-2017, 08:25 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
After reading all of this, of course I'll toss my 2ยข in.Angel A moderator made a decision, not the entire remainder of the volunteer management. I don't think it was a bad call, TBH. RS, I think you need some time to cool off. Yes I see that you are thinking of that. Peace. I've done time myself, but it was 40 years ago, and I'm pretty much over it (but I deserved it, BTW Yes ).
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24-03-2017, 08:27 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
(24-03-2017 08:21 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(24-03-2017 08:12 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  If I may, with Nishi we had zero warning.

It's physically impossible to have a mod here 24/7. The best we can do is manage as best we can. Smile

If someone threatens suicide we're are limited to what we can do anyway. Especially when dealing with people from other countries.

I understand. I just meant--especially given what happened with Nishi and it being so recent--it was really hard for me to deal with that person on my own and while there may not have been much the mods could have done, the added support in dealing with this person at that time would have been nice. Again, not a criticism on how things are run, just something I observed and so thought I would bring it up as a potential concern.

I can barely believe we're coming up on a year with Nishi. Sad

Nishi did what he did because that's what he had committed himself to doing. He didn't want help. He didn't reach out and there was nothing anyone on this forum could do for him. I wish it was otherwise, but it's just not. He did what he did because he really meant it.

For the people who do reach out, if we have a relationship with them, we're in a position to help as individuals. I wouldn't recommend that the forum attempt to take on the responsibility of suicide help. We're not trained professionals. If someone comes on here and makes threats, the users need to direct them to a proper mental healthcare provider.
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24-03-2017, 08:31 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
Lots of people here miss Nishi, myself included. I have yet to hear that any of us had any indication of what he had planned.

For those who think they were incredibly close to him, his actions should prove that there was a part of himself he wasn't willing to share. Who was here when and what their status is/was wouldn't have mattered.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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24-03-2017, 08:36 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
(24-03-2017 08:27 PM)Aliza Wrote:  
(24-03-2017 08:21 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I understand. I just meant--especially given what happened with Nishi and it being so recent--it was really hard for me to deal with that person on my own and while there may not have been much the mods could have done, the added support in dealing with this person at that time would have been nice. Again, not a criticism on how things are run, just something I observed and so thought I would bring it up as a potential concern.

I can barely believe we're coming up on a year with Nishi. Sad

Nishi did what he did because that's what he had committed himself to doing. He didn't want help. He didn't reach out and there was nothing anyone on this forum could do for him. I wish it was otherwise, but it's just not. He did what he did because he really meant it.

For the people who do reach out, if we have a relationship with them, we're in a position to help as individuals. I wouldn't recommend that the forum attempt to take on the responsibility of suicide help. We're not trained professionals. If someone comes on here and makes threats, the users need to direct them to a proper mental healthcare provider.

I just meant more of support for the member dealing with the potential suicidal person. I find it really hard when someone on here says they are going to end their life to just simply give them a phone number and then sign off. Having a mod on here, knowing that they would be up monitoring that thread and that person would ease my mind so in a situation like that I could feel okay signing off and going to bed. And you're right, we aren't a suicide hotline, but since I've been a member here, there have been several people who have come on here saying they were suicidal.
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24-03-2017, 08:40 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
To be clear--I wasn't saying anyone should have known about Nishi. I brought up Nishi because it's really difficult for me to deal with others on here who say they are suicidal because it reminds me of how we lost Nishi. I don't think anyone could have known about Nishi, but hearing other people who are suicidal on here makes it that much more difficult for me to simply sign off and go to bed when someone on here is saying things like that. Anyway, that was my point.
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24-03-2017, 08:44 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
(24-03-2017 08:31 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Lots of people here miss Nishi, myself included. I have yet to hear that any of us had any indication of what he had planned.

For those who think they were incredibly close to him, his actions should prove that there was a part of himself he wasn't willing to share. Who was here when and what their status is/was wouldn't have mattered.

There were subtle indications, no doubt. -Signs we can see after the fact but that we're not trained to recognize or don't register as anything significant until we can see the context.
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24-03-2017, 08:49 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
(24-03-2017 08:44 PM)Aliza Wrote:  
(24-03-2017 08:31 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Lots of people here miss Nishi, myself included. I have yet to hear that any of us had any indication of what he had planned.

For those who think they were incredibly close to him, his actions should prove that there was a part of himself he wasn't willing to share. Who was here when and what their status is/was wouldn't have mattered.

There were subtle indications, no doubt. -Signs we can see after the fact but that we're not trained to recognize or don't register as anything significant until we can see the context.

He struggled internally for a long time, but hid it well with his sense of humor and he also didn't want others to worry about him, so he became really skilled at hiding his internal struggles from others.
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24-03-2017, 08:51 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
(24-03-2017 08:40 PM)jennybee Wrote:  To be clear--I wasn't saying anyone should have known about Nishi. I brought up Nishi because it's really difficult for me to deal with others on here who say they are suicidal because it reminds me of how we lost Nishi. I don't think anyone could have known about Nishi, but hearing other people who are suicidal on here makes it that much more difficult for me to simply sign off and go to bed when someone on here is saying things like that. Anyway, that was my point.

I hear what you're saying. I take a different position, but it's really not a right or wrong thing. We each contribute to the world in our own ways.

For me, if it's someone I have a relationship with, I'd bend over backwards to try to infiltrate their RL lives and get them the help they need. But if it's someone I don't know, then I fear doing more harm than good. I don't know anything about psychology and I would fear stepping into a quagmire of issues and trigger points that I have no way of knowing how to deal with.
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24-03-2017, 08:53 PM
RE: I believe the mods have made a serious mistake.
(24-03-2017 08:51 PM)Aliza Wrote:  
(24-03-2017 08:40 PM)jennybee Wrote:  To be clear--I wasn't saying anyone should have known about Nishi. I brought up Nishi because it's really difficult for me to deal with others on here who say they are suicidal because it reminds me of how we lost Nishi. I don't think anyone could have known about Nishi, but hearing other people who are suicidal on here makes it that much more difficult for me to simply sign off and go to bed when someone on here is saying things like that. Anyway, that was my point.

I hear what you're saying. I take a different position, but it's really not a right or wrong thing. We each contribute to the world in our own ways.

For me, if it's someone I have a relationship with, I'd bend over backwards to try to infiltrate their RL lives and get them the help they need. But if it's someone I don't know, then I fear doing more harm than good. I don't know anything about psychology and I would fear stepping into a quagmire of issues and trigger points that I have no way of knowing how to deal with.

That is a good point. Although, sometimes I think when someone reaches that point, they just want someone to listen to them.
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