I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
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05-08-2013, 11:28 AM
I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
So...I finally had "the talk" with my parents regarding my worldview and how I want my 5 month old daughter raised. My whole point was that no matter what she believes, I want her to come to that belief on her own when she is able to understand what it means. But I also told them that when she asks me what I believe, I will tell her that I have not found a reason to believe there is a god, but lots of people believe there is one. (basically borrowing a lot of phrasing and tips from Dale McGowan and his writings)

I explained that no matter what she believes, the most important thing that I want her to learn is that everyone deserves respect until they give her a reason not to give it to them. No matter what someone believes, who they love, what they look like, or where they are from, it's okay for people to be different.

I think that's a pretty groovy way to teach a little one how to live, right? I mean, the golden rule, the rest is just details....

But apparently not....

My parents (and to a lesser extent, my wife...who is not a "devout" christian, but still believes in god) blew a freaking gasket. All they could focus on was this:

"You're going to teach her not to believe in god, so all of the other kids at school are going to make fun of her and people at church will bully her etc, etc..."

So...even though I doubt a lot of theological discussions will arise at a public elementary/middle school...what they basically told me was that christians, a group they themselves belong to, the very group of people that claim the moral standard of the world, are going to belittle, bully, ridicule, and ostracize my sweet, kind-hearted, loving, compassionate little girl because she doesnt think like them!? And they want me to tell her to believe like them so she can be a part of that group!?

So obviously I was furious and I still am...but all it did was strengthen my resolve to fight intolerance and bigotry and stand beside my daughter when the time comes and do my part to make this world a better place.
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05-08-2013, 11:34 AM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
Yeah, that is the same argument many use against same-sex couples adopting kids. I still can't see how they don't understand the stupidity of those "arguments" it makes me want to punch a wall or something...

In any case, for sure your kid will be bullied, but that's because kids are cruel, or at least somehow we teach them to be cruel, but kids are resilient and usually bullied kids tend to be better people when they grow up, as long as you're there to support and comfort her she'll be just fine Smile

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05-08-2013, 11:58 AM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
So they're basically worried about how badly the Christian children will act towards a non-believer. Nice. Reminds me of a Louis C.K. quote that basically goes:

"“How am I supposed to explain to my child that two men are getting married?"
"I dunno, it's your shitty kid, you fucking tell them."

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05-08-2013, 12:03 PM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
Kids don't give a fuck about religion... (well at least they didn't when I was a youngster).
All they care is about some pokemons and hopping scotch, the rest is white noise.

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05-08-2013, 12:57 PM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
(05-08-2013 11:28 AM)CasualSpooner Wrote:  So...I finally had "the talk" with my parents

Bravo. It takes a lot of courage to take that step. I have two daughters myself. We sent them to private school. We taught them logic and reason at home and also to question anything that seemed absurd or unjust. They've pretty much come to the conclusion on their own, even though their school was religious. With girls it's actually easy. Once armed with reason, just ask her if she believes that SHE deserves to be treated as the Bible prescribes just for being female.
Good luck.
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05-08-2013, 01:18 PM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
(05-08-2013 12:03 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  Kids don't give a fuck about religion... (well at least they didn't when I was a youngster).
All they care is about some pokemons and hopping scotch, the rest is white noise.

I actually did care... maybe I was a weird kid. But yeah, kids mainly bully other kids for showing signs of weakness, looking weird, being shy and retiring types... if they're shy, retiring, and different then it's one more reason to bully in a long list, but conforming won't save them.
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05-08-2013, 01:50 PM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
(05-08-2013 12:57 PM)NoSkyDaddy Wrote:  
(05-08-2013 11:28 AM)CasualSpooner Wrote:  So...I finally had "the talk" with my parents

Bravo. It takes a lot of courage to take that step. I have two daughters myself. We sent them to private school. We taught them logic and reason at home and also to question anything that seemed absurd or unjust. They've pretty much come to the conclusion on their own, even though their school was religious. With girls it's actually easy. Once armed with reason, just ask her if she believes that SHE deserves to be treated as the Bible prescribes just for being female.
Good luck.

Yeah, I've often wondered how any woman could ever be a christian considering how horribly demeaning it is towards the fairer sex. I'm guessing most of them have just heard whats been taught to them and not really read it. But I'm glad you pointed that out, and when she's old enough I will give her a list verses in which women are treated horribly and ask "do you like the sound of that?"
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05-08-2013, 02:44 PM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
(05-08-2013 11:28 AM)CasualSpooner Wrote:  So...I finally had "the talk" with my parents regarding my worldview and how I want my 5 month old daughter raised. My whole point was that no matter what she believes, I want her to come to that belief on her own when she is able to understand what it means. But I also told them that when she asks me what I believe, I will tell her that I have not found a reason to believe there is a god, but lots of people believe there is one. (basically borrowing a lot of phrasing and tips from Dale McGowan and his writings)

I explained that no matter what she believes, the most important thing that I want her to learn is that everyone deserves respect until they give her a reason not to give it to them. No matter what someone believes, who they love, what they look like, or where they are from, it's okay for people to be different.

I think that's a pretty groovy way to teach a little one how to live, right? I mean, the golden rule, the rest is just details....

But apparently not....

My parents (and to a lesser extent, my wife...who is not a "devout" christian, but still believes in god) blew a freaking gasket. All they could focus on was this:

"You're going to teach her not to believe in god, so all of the other kids at school are going to make fun of her and people at church will bully her etc, etc..."

So...even though I doubt a lot of theological discussions will arise at a public elementary/middle school...what they basically told me was that christians, a group they themselves belong to, the very group of people that claim the moral standard of the world, are going to belittle, bully, ridicule, and ostracize my sweet, kind-hearted, loving, compassionate little girl because she doesnt think like them!? And they want me to tell her to believe like them so she can be a part of that group!?

So obviously I was furious and I still am...but all it did was strengthen my resolve to fight intolerance and bigotry and stand beside my daughter when the time comes and do my part to make this world a better place.


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05-08-2013, 02:55 PM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
(05-08-2013 01:50 PM)CasualSpooner Wrote:  Yeah, I've often wondered how any woman could ever be a christian considering how horribly demeaning it is towards the fairer sex. I'm guessing most of them have just heard whats been taught to them and not really read it. But I'm glad you pointed that out, and when she's old enough I will give her a list verses in which women are treated horribly and ask "do you like the sound of that?"

Age appropriateness will definitely be key on many issues. What is really important is for her to see you, her father, defending women against all absurd misconceptions, ESPECIALLY when they are based in religion. She must feel confident that these attitudes are immoral and must be challenged.
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06-08-2013, 08:28 AM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
Congrats! I still have not had "the talk" with my wife and parents. I suspect that their reaction will be close to yours.

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