I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
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06-08-2013, 09:10 AM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
(05-08-2013 11:28 AM)CasualSpooner Wrote:  My parents (and to a lesser extent, my wife...who is not a "devout" christian, but still believes in god) blew a freaking gasket. All they could focus on was this:

"You're going to teach her not to believe in god, so all of the other kids at school are going to make fun of her and people at church will bully her etc, etc..."

"Your kids will get bullied" is one of the oldest excuses in the book, from denying gay couples adoption rights to banning interracial marriage. Teach your kids to be strong and assertive and they won't get bullied, as there'll be a ginger kid, or a kid with glasses, or some other random thing that marks out a child, but who also happens to not be assertive and easily bullied.
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07-08-2013, 08:48 AM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
(05-08-2013 01:50 PM)CasualSpooner Wrote:  Yeah, I've often wondered how any woman could ever be a christian considering how horribly demeaning it is towards the fairer sex. I'm guessing most of them have just heard whats been taught to them and not really read it. But I'm glad you pointed that out, and when she's old enough I will give her a list verses in which women are treated horribly and ask "do you like the sound of that?"

Speaking as a woman who was a Christian for a great many years, I'll try to share some insight into why this is.

One thing that was heavily touched upon in the churches I attended was this notion that the man is the spiritual head of the home. It was a theme carried over into many of the Christian books I read as well (the self-help type books).

Pretty much, the husband's being the spiritual head of the home means that you, as the woman, get a pass for anything that goes wrong. Let's say that he wants to spend a large portion of money on something that you as the wife prayerfully consider a bad idea. You tell your husband (delicately of course, because we wouldn't want to disrespect zeh man!) that you have spent time in prayer on this and don't agree with spending the money.

Well, if it backfires - if he goes on and spends the money anyway and it blows up in his face - it's on him because clearly he wasn't listening to God's wishes, wasn't praying about it like you were. God will bless your obedience, but punish him for his lack of prayerfulness.

Same thing if, let's say, you want to take your children to church but your husband isn't okay with it and "forbids" you from going. Since he's the head of the family, it's on him when your children turn away from God or never find him in the first place. God will be okay with you, because your heart was in the right place - you wanted to take your kids to church, but hubby didn't wish it and you know God wants you to obey him. All you have to do is obey your husband and everything else is golden.

It's attractive to the kind of person who doesn't want to be responsible for much of anything, who doesn't want to make her own decisions, who is - to her core - a follower. I was that person for a long time. I'm ashamed of it now, of course, but at the time I thought I was being a very good wife.

It didn't hurt that my self-esteem was for all intents and purposes sitting at the bottom of an abyss and so I bought into all the negativity toward my own gender, becoming a misogynist of the worst sort.

I did think I was inferior to men.

I did think that it was appropriate for a woman to be subject to a man because we were the ones who screwed up (Eve).

Anyway, it's sad how bad in I was with all that nonsense, and I'm still getting past a lot of those mentalities, but yeah, there were reasons I had for going along with all of it.

Congratulations on coming out. It's difficult to do, but it is so very worth it.

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11-08-2013, 06:28 AM
RE: I came out this weekend...my resolve is strengthened
(07-08-2013 08:48 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  It's attractive to the kind of person who doesn't want to be responsible for much of anything, who doesn't want to make her own decisions, who is - to her core - a follower. I was that person for a long time. I'm ashamed of it now, of course, but at the time I thought I was being a very good wife.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You were doing the best you could at the time. It will take time to come to terms with a new sense of reality.

(07-08-2013 08:48 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  It didn't hurt that my self-esteem was for all intents and purposes sitting at the bottom of an abyss and so I bought into all the negativity toward my own gender, becoming a misogynist of the worst sort.

I did think I was inferior to men.

I did think that it was appropriate for a woman to be subject to a man because we were the ones who screwed up (Eve).

Anyway, it's sad how bad in I was with all that nonsense, and I'm still getting past a lot of those mentalities, but yeah, there were reasons I had for going along with all of it.

It sounds like you were indoctrinated since childhood. It's not your fault. This is not you. This was done to you. I'm glad you were able to take charge of your own mind. I hope your recovery goes well.

You can lead a theist to reason, but, you cannot make him think.
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