I can't deal with ragers
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
08-06-2016, 04:01 PM (This post was last modified: 08-06-2016 04:09 PM by Leerob.)
I can't deal with ragers
Ok I need tips with this because it really impacts me deeply.

Short version:
I am completely unable to deal with other people's negative attitude when it is anywhere near me or reaching me.
I react different but always heavily. Sometimes I get a panic attack, sometimes my brain goes on tilt, sometimes I get shakey, sometimes I get angry, etc. Depends on the situation really.

Detailed version:
I grew up in a very odd environment, that would not allow for my "negative" emotions to show but people would trample on me, figuratively speaking, and just pour all their negativity on me because I'd just take it and not complain.
This (+other stuff) just resulted in me being emotionally completely fucked up. Over the past years, I started "learning" emotions, because my husband has put a lot of time and effort in helping me with it and because I feel save with him. But the one thing I still can absolutely not deal with, is any type of rage.
Now for me rage is unreasonable anger that targets someone randomly. The reason for the rage is usually not clear to the target and probably not to the rager either because they would not admit to the real reason they are upset. It feel like they have been pissed or really angry for a while, and something ticks them off in that moment.
Now for the most part, if possible, I simply try to ignore such people in the situation.
Say in traffic, at work, people arguing on the street etc. Whenever I know that I have absolutely nothing (nada, zero) to do with the issue - no problem. (as long as it has no impact on me, for example danger, professionally, etc)
I do have a problem when it is targeted to me personally and the hook is something harmless.

Two examples:
1. I was cycling on a shared lane. Here we have a lot of Bus/cyclist lanes. The lanes are shared during specific times. So I cycled there, and I am visible with my vest and my neon yellow bike. Suddenly behind me a bus starts honking and then passes me with a finger wide space between me and the bus (i am not exaturating, it almost made me tip there.) So this wasn't just rage, this was super dangerous and I was unable to cycle on the road afterwards because I got so shakey and angry. Btw I did nothing wrong. I made no sudden movements, I was simply cycling straight down a little hill, on the side. The bus could have easily just passed me. There wasn't even a lot of traffic at the time.
2. I just played a game online (LoL) where you are matched up with 4 more people of your aproximate skill level and then you play a match 5v5. The better wins. Easy concept. Now I play this game on a position where you have to interact closely with one of your team mates for about 10-15 minutes in order do well. So I did very well, got my mate and me into a leading position so to say. My mate leaves for a moment and says something in the chat and my honest answer was "why?". They started raging and never returned into the match at all but kept trash talking me and the rest of my team mates. Of course this made me angry, because I cannot understand how me asking a normal question (as I do want to learn more) can cause such a fit.

So yea, no matter online or real life, I just cannot deal with it. If any of you have healthy tips to deal with this and not having my mind go on complete shut down on such occasions, let me know.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
08-06-2016, 04:17 PM
RE: I can't deal with ragers
(08-06-2016 04:01 PM)Leela Wrote:  So yea, no matter online or real life, I just cannot deal with it. If any of you have healthy tips to deal with this and not having my mind go on complete shut down on such occasions, let me know.

The rager attacks your self-confidence. You naturally step back. Confidence is what you need I think. I use this forum actually, somewhat, to develop that. To learn to oppose someone strongly, with faith in myself.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes morondog's post
08-06-2016, 04:52 PM (This post was last modified: 08-06-2016 09:48 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: I can't deal with ragers
I go all stoic and stone-faced and motionless until their rage subsides. Dr. Who Weeping Angels. and shit Sometimes, when I think a dick response is warranted I'll ask them if the would like one of my valium. .... Admittedly, sometimes it is just to enrage them all over again for my own personal amusement. I'm a bad, bad man. Weeping

#sigh
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like GirlyMan's post
08-06-2016, 06:16 PM
RE: I can't deal with ragers
ONLY if it was a guy, I asked them if they needed a Midol, with a grin on my face. Yes, I used to get in a LOT of fights.

For Leela, I think counseling may help, if it is affordable. I understand your concern. Lots of people get enraged over nothing that we can tell, and the violence sometimes spills over onto the innocent.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
08-06-2016, 07:02 PM (This post was last modified: 09-06-2016 05:29 AM by Anjele.)
RE: I can't deal with ragers
My father was a rager. He claimed that he didn't even remember some of the things he did and said while in a rage state. I suppose I will never know it that was true or an excuse. Things I was sure would bring his temper often didn't though I suffered the same from worry. He would go from fine to beating me bloody in a split second, often for something totally insignificant. I am very good at picking up on tone changes in people's voices.

I still go into fight or flight mode internally when I think someone may be getting ready to rage. The man I have worked for over the last year and a half is also a rager and is as unpredictable as dad was. Of course he has never laid a hand on me but he has been verbally brutal at times. Just yesterday some people at work moved his printer and I was on pins and needles for hours waiting for him to show up, see that his printer had been moved, and start yelling. He wouldn't have yelled at them, he would have yelled at me. By the time he showed up and didn't get mad, I was mentally drained. Undecided

It was like being a frightened teenager again. I hate that feeling.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
08-06-2016, 09:10 PM
RE: I can't deal with ragers
Ragers want a response. When your only response is "okay", then you'll get somewhere with them. Just like this:

[Image: 5do6cl.jpg]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Thumpalumpacus's post
08-06-2016, 11:15 PM
RE: I can't deal with ragers
(08-06-2016 07:02 PM)Anjele Wrote:  My father was a rager. He claimed that he didn't even remember some of the things he did and said while in a rage state. I suppose I will never know it that was true or and excuse. Things I was sure would bring his temper often didn't though I suffered the same from worry. He would go from fine to beating me bloody in a split second, often for something totally insignificant. I am very good at picking up on tone changes in people's voices.

I still go into fight or flight mode internally when I think someone may be getting ready to rage. The man I have worked for over the last year and a half is also a rager and is as unpredictable as dad was. Of course he has never laid a hand on me but he has been verbally brutal at times. Just yesterday some people at work moved his printer and I was on pins and needles for hours waiting for him to show up, see that his printer had been moved, and start yelling. He wouldn't have yelled at them, he would have yelled at me. By the time he showed up and didn't get mad, I was mentally drained. Undecided

It was like being a frightened teenager again. I hate that feeling.

Angry

My old man does the same. I've kinda learned to deal with it over the years. Nowadays he doesn't do it nearly as much. But your boss doing it is bullshit... Grrr.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes morondog's post
09-06-2016, 10:35 AM
RE: I can't deal with ragers
I usually avoid this section like the plague, but it's Leela and I just knew it was LoL related. Laugh out load

You know what you gotta do, Leela. I know you don't want to hear it, but you know it's true. Wink

living word
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes houseofcantor's post
09-06-2016, 04:07 PM
RE: I can't deal with ragers
Anjele: yea my mom used to rage at me horribly (until I moved out, then she suddenly stopped doing that) Maybe that's the reason I react that way.

Fireball: Why would I pay for councelling? I am not the one randomly raging at people.

Thumpa...: I do something like that a lot. I tend to just say "Hi" in a very friendly tone, when someone gets ragy around me. Or online, I just type it down. But when it happens too much in a day, I just feel very drained. Kinda like Anjele described. Because at some point I expect it from everyone.

houseofcantor: I feel honored. And no. Tongue (btw it is not just in the game, as I said Wink )

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: