I couldn't think of how to name this.
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10-10-2015, 12:29 PM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
(10-10-2015 11:46 AM)MrKrispy601 Wrote:  
(10-10-2015 11:06 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  yes a new therapist. my depression showed itself in ANGER. I remember wanting to beat everyone and everything with a baseball bat.


my temper would go from 0-80 in a millisecond. there was no middle stopping point and the smallest things would get me raging mad.

That's the thing this is the 6th Doctor I've had. I'm starting to think the problem is me.

Of course the problem is you - that's why you need a doctor. But - no matter what your problem is, the doc is supposed to be able to relate. That's his/her job. You are not responsible for that, the doc is.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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10-10-2015, 02:25 PM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
Question for you all. Am I "addicted" to weed if I use it to help my health and mental well being? I feel like I'm depended on it but wouldn't it be no different then taking the prescription drugs that give me worse side effects?
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10-10-2015, 02:36 PM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
(10-10-2015 02:25 PM)MrKrispy601 Wrote:  Question for you all. Am I "addicted" to weed if I use it to help my health and mental well being? I feel like I'm depended on it but wouldn't it be no different then taking the prescription drugs that give me worse side effects?

I think it has been proven that you don't normally get addicted to weed. If you have taken it to deal with a certain health issue, and you stop and do not replace it with something else, you will have the health issue back and want meds for it.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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10-10-2015, 02:39 PM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
I don't know if you're addicted or not, but if you need it to suppress your anger, you'd do better by coming to grips with it so you can have a drug-free solution, if possible.

And yes, in the meantime don't make any decision about your marriage, other that to make an effort to not exclude your wife right now. She may well be part of the solution, but you'll never know, if you push her away.
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10-10-2015, 07:13 PM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
depression is a brain chemistry thing, until the chemistry is right you won't feel better....weed or no weed.

SSRI's saved my life, no joke.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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10-10-2015, 07:22 PM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
I have zero experience with what you are going through. as a result I can offer no specific help.

However I do know one thing, when ill we need to understand that we are ill. It is so easy to forget and expect too much of ourselves.

It seems to me you must have to keep reminding yourself. Otherwise it'll end badly.

You're sick. I'm sick. It sucks and ruins our lives. We have no choice really but to try to see it through. Your wife is sticking by you. So at least you're not alone. Appreciate her for that.

Good luck mate.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
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13-10-2015, 08:38 AM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
Hey thank you SO much for you help and advice. At this point I'm happy that anyone will even listen to me or ask. My leadership continues to not even ask about my mental or physical health even though they have knowledge of it. I have been mislead twice in the hopes that I would incriminate myself in my current investigation. Everyone just looks at me like a criminal when I wouldn't even be in the position of people helped like they claim they do. I have NO one in a position of leadership I feel I trust seeing as I've been asked twice to waive my rights both times lured under false pretenses. I have my lawyer involved fully after today's fiasco.

But besides all that the worst thing to deal with is the shame I feel falling for the military trick and joining. I feel ashamed even wearing the uniform now. On top of this I feel sad about how people who claim to be there to help can treat me like shit. Of course this is not the command I came in with seeing as everyone else has been able to move on. Due to my Med board they left me in my current command to "avoid confusion" I feel so helpless it's not even funny. And to make matters worse is that I'm not the only one this is/has happened to. And nothing is really done about it. Men and women I know have killed themselves due to not getting the real help they need. Yeah they provide us with resources but with the way they are run we would be better off with none. I just feel so stupid falling for all of this talk of glory, brotherhood, and honor. When it comes down to it it's nothing more than a business.
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13-10-2015, 09:21 AM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
(13-10-2015 08:38 AM)MrKrispy601 Wrote:  I just feel so stupid falling for all of this talk of glory, brotherhood, and honor. When it comes down to it it's nothing more than a business.

My husband would agree with this. He was career military and that's what he thought, too. He got lucky, as systems analyst he travelled a ton and rarely ever saw his superiors. So he stuck it out. But he certainly had no romantic feelings about the military and how it works.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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13-10-2015, 09:52 AM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
One thing to be glad about -- you're still feeling -- anger, confusion, shame, ect .... That's actually good. It means you're still part of the human race....

It's when you quit feeling anything that you really gotta worry about shit.....

Stick with it. Feel something. Eventually you'll even feel good.

That doesn't mean you won't feel pissed off and shitty later on - you will...

And then you'll feel better again....

That's life.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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13-10-2015, 12:32 PM
RE: I couldn't think of how to name this.
Is there someone outside your unit/formation you could speak to? A military ombudsman? Failing that, could you seek help outside the military? A civilian therapist who is trained in treating former military patients?

The feelings you describe sound very much like the symptoms of depression that my husband suffered when he left the military (minus the negative feelings about the military, which may be entirely justified in your case). In his case, SSRIs, combined with therapy and regular outdoor exercise, eventually did the trick and he has since made a full recovery, but he needs to remain vigilant to prevent a relapse.

The important thing to remember is that despite the prevailing military ethos, there is no shame in being injured or sick, and don't kid yourself: depression is an illness that needs to be treated. If you were diagnosed with diabetes, would you refuse insulin? Would those around you tell you to "just get over it" if you broke your leg? No. So treat yourself, and insist that others treat you, as you are: injured or ill. Try to view it and treat it as dispassionately, and as seriously, as possible. Nobody jokes about cancer or heart disease. Depression, which is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, can be just as deadly if left untreated.

Since you are also involved in some legal issues, speak to your lawyer. I don't want to sound paranoid but perhaps someone in your chain of command is stymieing (or remaining apathetic about) your treatment for their own reasons? However, I would caution that you should never attribute to malice what can easily be explained by incompetence, so there's that ... Perhaps your lawyer can find a way to leverage the military's inaction on the suicide cases to get you the help you need?

Bottom line: get help.
Keep up the good fight; we're all pulling for you!

Your faith is not evidence, your opinion is not fact, and your bias is not wisdom
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