I feel controlled
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30-12-2014, 11:58 AM
I feel controlled
There are powers in the world that are strong. It's been said maybe 1000 of the world's most powerful men (and women) make the key decisions, that influence our welfare, our well being, our safety. Not just political leaders- also managers of nuclear power plants. That's ok. I don't mind that, and I don't mind dictatorships, that are benevolent, or relatively so. I believe in the leadership principle or the authority principle when it is merited and not parasitic or destructive/toxic. I feel so controlled. Part of what I need to do is just step up- rise up to the level of my challenges and exams- and the challenges are many, and I can rise up. Part of what I need to do is just have some fun, relax, enjoy life and the journey and not over stress- and also to vent and reflect and retreat, which is what I'm kind of doing with this post. Part of why I feel controlled is because I feel shamed (if only by proxy, it is the same) and manipulated and robbed. I will come back to this. This is what I feel regarding my circumcision, as an infant. No matter how much people do what I think is nice and satisfying and good- the fact is that I was heavily controlled on a genital level as an infant and I bear this mark of shame and loss and sensation and protection and this infuriates me to this very day. I try not grieve too much or think about it too much. This is a wrong that needs to stop.

We all need recourse for what we see as wrongs, or we need to feel we have a voice that matters. We need to feel we're a part of the power process, that is having to use our energies to meet meaningful goals with a sense of autonomy. It doesn't matter who said these things. Even if old Netanyahu says that rain helps make plants grow, he'd be telling the truth.

I believe in full sided expression. Expression to me is the opposite of repression. If you don't express, you get repressed. Many people try to express their views and get shamed, or ignored or marginalized, by their own people whom they love, their own kinsmen, etc. Oh I also feel controlled because I often get incited, to strong emotion, with strong words. That is true. I have often been an extremist, but I realize that is part of the control- the system allows the kinds of extremisms that I have entertained, because it doesn't threaten it- I mean things like veganism, radical liberalism, and it's opposite total free market. These don't threaten the power interests. But try talk about Dresden or Red Terror. Nobody talks about these things. It is hard to read about atrocities. I don't like to read about them, and I want to come to an accurate understanding of them over time, without embellishment or inaccuracy or error, even if it suits the causes i love. I'ts so hard to read about these things, the losses, the destruction of things of beauty and goodness and innocence, like the holocaust, and the holodomor, and bombing of japan, operation keelhaul. It's hard enough reading about these things for my own education, but even harder trying to get recognition of these things in public, in part because the public has had enough about atrocities- albeit those only committed by one side- the 'bad' side, which is to say the losing side. It's hard to read about atrocities or learn about them, and yet sometimes it's harder not to.

I'll pause so you can re-read that last line.

Sometimes it's harder not to. That means there's a narrow gate or door I must go through, or I'll have to remain depressed and frustrated, without fully understanding why.

I want to enjoy the power process in my life, like all our ancestors, who had to hunt and provide for themselves. I want restored sensitivity back by foreskin restoration or in the future perhaps regenerative medicine (foregen.org). These are all basics. On top of that, we have the real human needs to father a child or mother a child, have a family, and then become elders in the society, as part of a life script. Now I am not anti-semitic. Well I should rephrase that for clarity- I don't hate people because they were born jewish by ethnicity or are of the jewish religion, though I hate judaism, as much or more than I hate christianity and islam. In fact it's strange but I probably hate islam the least, christianity the next least. Certain christianities I don't hate so much. And I hate christianity in some ways because of the effect it has had on europe. It may be what helped take down rome. I'm not sure how good or bad that was. It just was. It may have helped create the dark ages. I'm not sure how dark they are. But it is a gateway to communism or excessive liberalism, or wishful thinking, pie in the sky, turn the other cheek, sell all you have and give to the poor. It is too radical and suicidal in my view, for a person or a society, when swallowed. So I hate it to the exact degree I love europe- that is to the extent it is absorbed or taken seriously. If they believe it in name, only, that's fine, if it binds people together, and under the surface they practice their old traditions. But It also leads to infighting among sects- holy wars and such. Protestant versus catholic. I hate that. Islam seems the most common sense, but I don't believe in Allah. I'm going too off topic. My thoughts on these religions are vast and they are subject for another post.

I don't hate jews I was trying to say. In fact I envy them- and we should imitate them, us goy, us non jews. We should have racial self-awareness, an instinct for self-preservation, a love of learning, and skills at organizing and a worldlyness without an abstract distractionism. My views on the jews are a lot like Nietzsche who basically thought we shouldn't envy them when we are storing up riches in heaven. We sold our rights to this earth when we started saving away from heaven, so therefore we are hypocrites to envy them. I envy their ability to say what they want and get away with it, whereas when we say what we think, we get crucified. I love some who are nice and reasonable, like who oppose circumcision and religion (as long as they don't substitute a new religion in it's wake, like Freudianims or Marxism). I like Richard Feynman. I like Sam Harris. I like Hitchens. I like those who oppose the Bris, Circumcision. I like those who are not hypocrites- either assimilate or grant other races their ability to have pride. As far as history is concerned by the way, and how historic suffering generates special privileges, well first of all and second of all. First of all- the children born today had no part in it, so why tax them? Second of all, not the suffering and persecution that happened, but that which was recorded and which we're reminded of has such value. Holodomor, Red Terror, Dresden. We could go on and on. Keelhaul. Mass circumcision.

I hate europeans and whites who are willing traitors to their own people or nations. And I like jews who speak the truth.

So why do I say all this? Why did I bring up jewry?

Simply because for me there are races and nations (i.e. ethnic groups, and we should preserve them all in the name of diversity) but at the same time, there is no difference between jew and gentile. I'm trying to bring home that point- jews are a separate ethnic group but so are many. There is no such thing as a gentile. There are only other tribes. Jews are one tribe of many, neither better or worse. The minute you separate jews from all others, you naturally give rise to a bad framework of thought that leads to both philo-jewism and anti-jewism as a reaction. Think about it- doesn't it make more sense to divide the world into tribes and ethnic groups and not into two separate classes- jews and all others? That is to say they are not worse than others, by no means. But it is also to say they are not superior to others. By no means! They are not chosen by some tyrant yahweh god. He is a fictitious monster- not even worthy of a horror movie, he's too ridiculous and pathetic. He's more like a creepy dude that can't take rejection and is hyper-nepotistic. But people look at the wonder of the world (and it is wonderful) and they are told he created it, so they give him the glory.

Glory is due to someone, something, but not the character in the OT- lest you worship the wrong thing and give him credits and take on his baggage like circumcision and framework of thoughts.

The transistor has liberated my thoughts to such an amazing degree, because I can impart and receive information across the world with random people and also do so anonymously (relatively). Solid state computing is a marvel to behold. Nothing can bring back my foreskin, except maybe regenerative medicine. Nothing seems to be able to turn our politicians and leaders to recognize the sorrow of all the wars. They call world war II the good war, though 25 million died. What a joke! It was the worst of wars.

Be merry, be fruitful, multiply, work hard. Do your best, never give up though the path meanders and changes. You have no reason to be ashamed. You have no reason to fear. Oh yeah atrocities- people use torture. Maybe I've read too much about people who in the past have been tortured. We have it pretty easy in modern times if only circumcision were stopped and the interests of the nation were met for self-preservation (genetic preservation) and we weren't censored and we could participate in the power process (which has nothing to do with bad leadership but mostly to do with the forces of history and post industrial society and all this sedentarism and atomization)

I have a lot of struggle to do in my personal journey. I have to pass my exams, which are challenging and I have to find a job and grow up and restore my foreskin and find a partner after all that. I'm taking a vacation in a few days, to get some sun. That should help relax me. At the moment I have to finish my exam prep course. It came as a shock how underprepared I was, and being at the computer so much is frustrating and not healthy, and the weather outside is very cold. All the more reason to keep a boy's foreskin intact, so it stays warm. Duh who would have thought that it served no purpose? Which makes me wonder if we're really not seriously controlled as a culture, backwards and retarded almost- mathematically, biologically, sociologically, in every way virtually.

my brain gets in these loops or circuits, that go on and on. but I think it's natural, given the unnatural state of life. I mean if circumcision happens in 21st century life, then obviously this has to be opposed or mocked or ridiculed. I think it's the sing of a strong mind or person or body who is otherwise politically weak or isolated who can mock and ridicule that which is ridiculous, when he has no other recourse. Ridicule can be one's last recourse. So my brain gets in these funks, but I'm just working for change I can believe in.

But sometimes I feel really controlled. I don't know what to do. Like the deck is stacked against me. Maybe I just have to ignore it and carry on regardless, shake it off. Use my body. Rise to the challenges. Get rid of some personal baggage. Be free in the mind.
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30-12-2014, 01:33 PM
RE: I feel controlled
As usual, I couldn't read the whole thing. From what I skimmed through I didn't note anything racist or sexist Gasp so kudos for that.

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30-12-2014, 04:09 PM
RE: I feel controlled
What the fuck are you on about?

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30-12-2014, 04:15 PM
RE: I feel controlled
You get bonus points if you wrote that on a phone.

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30-12-2014, 04:22 PM
RE: I feel controlled
(30-12-2014 04:15 PM)kingschosen Wrote:  You get bonus points if you wrote that on a phone.

you get my money if you wrote that on a shitty touchscreen as well, autocorrect off and in one go.Yes

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30-12-2014, 04:29 PM
RE: I feel controlled
(30-12-2014 04:09 PM)FSM_scot Wrote:  What the fuck are you on about?

I think his penis is cold because he was circumcised and he wants his foreskin back.

there was mumbling about jews and tribes that I didnt quite follow.


but I'm curious viking- what do you do for fun?

your posts seem to be dark and depressing? where is the happy in your life? life does have terrible tragedies and atrocities, but it also contains beauty and love (not talking about just people) and awe.

just wondering if you have a healthy balance of both in your life.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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30-12-2014, 04:42 PM
RE: I feel controlled
(30-12-2014 01:33 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  As usual, I couldn't read the whole thing. From what I skimmed through I didn't note anything racist or sexist Gasp so kudos for that.

I think he mentioned he hates white people and Islam makes the most sense. But I skimmed through it on a phone...

How many points do I get?!?!?!

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30-12-2014, 06:30 PM
RE: I feel controlled
(30-12-2014 11:58 AM)viking Wrote:  The transistor has liberated my thoughts to such an amazing degree, because I can impart and receive information across the world with random people and also do so anonymously (relatively). Solid state computing is a marvel to behold. Nothing can bring back my foreskin, except maybe regenerative medicine. Nothing seems to be able to turn our politicians and leaders to recognize the sorrow of all the wars. They call world war II the good war, though 25 million died. What a joke! It was the worst of wars.

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30-12-2014, 06:54 PM
RE: I feel controlled
(30-12-2014 06:30 PM)Anjele Wrote:  
(30-12-2014 11:58 AM)viking Wrote:  The transistor has liberated my thoughts to such an amazing degree, because I can impart and receive information across the world with random people and also do so anonymously (relatively). Solid state computing is a marvel to behold. Nothing can bring back my foreskin, except maybe regenerative medicine. Nothing seems to be able to turn our politicians and leaders to recognize the sorrow of all the wars. They call world war II the good war, though 25 million died. What a joke! It was the worst of wars.

Shocking
Do you have a tin foil hat too?
Blink

Fun fact: a tin-foil hat would actually act as a signal amplifier instead of a dampener.

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30-12-2014, 11:51 PM
RE: I feel controlled
tl;dr

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