I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
16-08-2012, 07:35 PM
I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
I'm going off to college tomorrow and my family has SACRIFICED to get me where I am. Now they just finished telling me about god and whatnot. How will I break it to them that I no longer believe?? I love them so much but I'm at the last stages of my deconversion and I don't believe a word of it. Moreover, my pastor and my parents friends from church say,"[they] are praying for me." I just have so many people who are believers and I feel alone. How did your parents react when you told them? This is for those whose parents are devout believers, please. I am 18 years of age but I'm still financially dependent. Is 18 a good age to come out?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
16-08-2012, 08:51 PM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
Sounds like a lot of changes are getting ready to happen with you going off to school. Maybe it would be good to wait a bit and let everyone adjust to this new phase in your life. Might be a lot to handle all at once.

If you are going away from home you will be able to live more openly with your new views, test the waters a little, get comfortable with it and with your new life and take it a step at a time. Just going off to school is plenty of stress...maybe you don't need more right now.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Anjele's post
16-08-2012, 09:19 PM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
Tell them all after you get your degree. Do NOT mess with the people who are funding your way through college.
As an Atheist, I will pray my ass off with my family and go to church every sunday and smile all the way through if they are putting me through college.
Unless of course it's some kind of biblical college that is teaching you to ignore world events and become a pastor.

What degree will you be going after in college ? And is the college a proper academic campus ?

Insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Rahn127's post
16-08-2012, 10:05 PM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
Like the others have said, wait until you have settled into the college life. Telling them now may cause a lot of undue stress on both you and your family. Hopefully most of your friends and family will not be upset about your loss of faith. But if you feel like that will not be the case, I would wait and try subtle hints as time passes, culminating in admission at some point down the road.

I will not attack your doctrines nor your creeds if they accord liberty to me. If they hold thought to be dangerous - if they aver that doubt is a crime, then I attack them one and all, because they enslave the minds of men.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes SlySwine's post
16-08-2012, 10:56 PM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
I disagree. Parents do not "sacrifice" for their children, but rather for their own perception of righteousness. Especially in the case of believers trying to impress Jesus with their actions. So take the fucking money, communicate with them through the "love" part of the "god is love" equation, and move on.

[Image: klingon_zps7e68578a.jpg]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like houseofcantor's post
16-08-2012, 11:28 PM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
(16-08-2012 07:35 PM)ThePolymath Wrote:  I'm going off to college tomorrow and my family has SACRIFICED to get me where I am. Now they just finished telling me about god and whatnot. How will I break it to them that I no longer believe?? I love them so much but I'm at the last stages of my deconversion and I don't believe a word of it. Moreover, my pastor and my parents friends from church say,"[they] are praying for me." I just have so many people who are believers and I feel alone. How did your parents react when you told them? This is for those whose parents are devout believers, please. I am 18 years of age but I'm still financially dependent. Is 18 a good age to come out?

In my opinion, honesty is the best course of action. It wasn't an easy choice for me when deciding to reveal my beliefs to my family, but I am infinitely more happy now that I don't have to live the lie anymore.

Chances are good that you'll outlive your parents. When they're gone, do you really want to live with the guilt of knowing that they died believing something about you that is completely false?

The absolute worst case scenario is that they decide to hate and ostracize you for being who you are....but is that really worse than being loved and accepted for something you're not?

publius2k4

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." Carl Sagan
[Image: tumblr_lvj8iyIABB1r2fzujo1_500.gif]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like publius2k4's post
17-08-2012, 12:18 AM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
(16-08-2012 07:35 PM)ThePolymath Wrote:  I'm going off to college tomorrow and my family has SACRIFICED to get me where I am. Now they just finished telling me about god and whatnot. How will I break it to them that I no longer believe?? I love them so much but I'm at the last stages of my deconversion and I don't believe a word of it. Moreover, my pastor and my parents friends from church say,"[they] are praying for me." I just have so many people who are believers and I feel alone. How did your parents react when you told them? This is for those whose parents are devout believers, please. I am 18 years of age but I'm still financially dependent. Is 18 a good age to come out?

I (outside of my half sister who isn't as active as I am with it) am the only only atheist in my entire family, which consists of baptists and catholics. They are not in anyway fluent in their own faith so they are not in any regard respectable or trustworthy when it comes to judging me or others. Informing your relatives is easy, what you should really be asking is how to accordingly keep your balance of emotions stable if they react foolishly, and furthermore prepare for it so you can know that you will all still consider yourselves family based on love and respect and not based on faith based rivalry. If your parents were not smart enough to consider possibilities in anything regarding your own personality, why then did they waste all these years raising you to this point?

Leviticus does not justify stupidity, but it is more than enough to define corruption of the human mind.

[Image: 24851795.jpg]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Matthew Laramore's post
17-08-2012, 12:27 AM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
I'd say wait for X-mas.. then lay it on them at the dinner table. Rolleyes

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like ddrew's post
17-08-2012, 04:03 AM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
I am "more than twice your age" and am just now getting to the point in my deconversion where I am considering telling others. I think I quit believing-believing at around your age, but due to my lack of balls at the time, and motivation to change since, I have been continuously reformulating my world view to "work" without having to outright reject my upbringing. It's been exhausting and anguish-filled. Now that I have made the mental shift, on some level I feel like the past 20 years of inner monolog have been wasted on worrying about what others think and on appearing as a "good christian". I see a post like yours and realize I was having those thoughts then, but suppressing them, wishing I had had the fortitude to fess up and wondering what might have been had I done so. Prove to them that they raise a good moral person, regardless of your belief system, that this is not just a rebellious phase and that you are not telling them to go fuck themselves. But don't become comfortable suppressing your sense of the truth and your true self for the sake of appearances or familial harmony.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Gaff's post
17-08-2012, 04:58 AM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
Ive not been in your situation polymath.... so I cant really advise from experience but Id like to offer my opinion.

I dont think anytime will be "good" to tell them..... and I imagine how important to you it is to tell them..... I think its a matter of choosing the "best" moment.

Only you know my friend how they will react to it..... and I think its a case of weighing up the pros and the cons...... if honesty means that much to you then tell them, however if you wanted to leave it till after college, chucking in a few hints along the way then I see no harm in that and wouldnt blame you for doing so.

Either way I hope it all works out for you dude. Thumbsup

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: