I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
17-08-2012, 07:16 AM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
(16-08-2012 07:35 PM)ThePolymath Wrote:  I'm going off to college tomorrow and my family has SACRIFICED to get me where I am. Now they just finished telling me about god and whatnot. How will I break it to them that I no longer believe?? I love them so much but I'm at the last stages of my deconversion and I don't believe a word of it. Moreover, my pastor and my parents friends from church say,"[they] are praying for me." I just have so many people who are believers and I feel alone. How did your parents react when you told them? This is for those whose parents are devout believers, please. I am 18 years of age but I'm still financially dependent. Is 18 a good age to come out?

Polymath, I didn't see anything in your post that suggests you need to address this now. Many parents sacrifice to do things for their kids, but it doesn't come with an implied agreement to do anything, such as continuing to believe. You need to focus on your education and just play along when you visit at home. Down the road, when you are independent, you can decide whether discussing your lack of belief is the right thing to do.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Jeff's post
17-08-2012, 07:32 AM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
There are a couple things going on here. You feel guilty about the praying and preaching as you go off to study. Replace the word pray with "care". Your family cares about you. If they choose to express that care and love through religious terms so be it. You aren't letting them down because you are using your brain to question certain things.

Secondly, in terms of telling them, I'd suggest that you do it slowly over time. Don't drop the bomb when you come home from break; they may blame the school, new friends, teachers for your blasphemous thoughts. Do it gradually. Its easier to eat an elephant one bite at a time.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like devilsadvoc8's post
17-08-2012, 07:41 AM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
(17-08-2012 07:32 AM)devilsadvoc8 Wrote:  Don't drop the bomb when you come home from break; they may blame the school, new friends, teachers for your blasphemous thoughts. Do it gradually. Its easier to eat an elephant one bite at a time.

Yup, that's what I was thinking. Telling them before you go will mean it is your decision but telling them later, they will see you as a victim of a bad world.

I'm not going to tell you what is right or wrong but living a lie because of the financial incentive (as many above have advocated) ... dunno... something unethical about that, I feel.

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
17-08-2012, 07:59 AM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
(16-08-2012 07:35 PM)ThePolymath Wrote:  I'm going off to college tomorrow and my family has SACRIFICED to get me where I am. Now they just finished telling me about god and whatnot. How will I break it to them that I no longer believe?? I love them so much but I'm at the last stages of my deconversion and I don't believe a word of it. Moreover, my pastor and my parents friends from church say,"[they] are praying for me." I just have so many people who are believers and I feel alone. How did your parents react when you told them? This is for those whose parents are devout believers, please. I am 18 years of age but I'm still financially dependent. Is 18 a good age to come out?
I agree with those who have said wait until after college. I was near the end of my undergraduate college years when I first gave up religion. For a couple of years, I said nothing to my family and kept going to church with them when I was home during summer or school breaks. I hated that and don't recommend it as a permanent solution. I was much happier when I finally told them and, although they weren't happy about my atheism, our relationship didn't change much (except for all the praying they now do for me Rolleyes ). So eventually, I do think you should come out and tell them because it will be far easier to live with yourself.

But whether you do that now or later is up to you. You know your parents better than anyone else. If you can reasonably believe they won't disown you or withdraw your college funding, then you could think about telling them now. However, you really can't be 100% sure how they will react over something like this so it would still be a risk. The safest thing would be to play along for now and tell them after college is behind you. You wouldn't want to lose your college education to a god that doesn't exist.

"Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea." --Madalyn Murray O'Hair
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
17-08-2012, 12:36 PM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
I think everyone on here is jumping the gun far too quickly.

How do YOU think they will react Polymath? I'm asking because I don't feel anyone should give advice without that information. Your perceptions accurate or not tell a great deal about the situation as a possible whole.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
17-08-2012, 12:37 PM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
(16-08-2012 07:35 PM)ThePolymath Wrote:  I'm going off to college tomorrow and my family has SACRIFICED to get me where I am. Now they just finished telling me about god and whatnot. How will I break it to them that I no longer believe?? I love them so much but I'm at the last stages of my deconversion and I don't believe a word of it. Moreover, my pastor and my parents friends from church say,"[they] are praying for me." I just have so many people who are believers and I feel alone. How did your parents react when you told them? This is for those whose parents are devout believers, please. I am 18 years of age but I'm still financially dependent. Is 18 a good age to come out?
You don't have to!

Personally I wouldn't tell them right now.

Member of the Cult of Reason

The atheist is a man who destroys the imaginary things which afflict the human race, and so leads men back to nature, to experience and to reason.
-Baron d'Holbach-
Bitcion:1DNeQMswMdvx4xLPP6qNE7RkeTwXGC7Bzp
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
17-08-2012, 04:48 PM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
(16-08-2012 07:35 PM)ThePolymath Wrote:  Is 18 a good age to come out?

I don't really understand this whole atheist "coming out" business. It's not like there's any potentially embarrassing lifestyle implications to being an atheist. I never "came out". I told my family that the promise of a postmortem preservation of identity is utter and complete bullshit. There was no discussion of God. I still don't consider myself an atheist. Like kim, I'm an apatheist. Given that I will not survive myself, discussions of a deity seem moot. I couldn't give less of a shit whether there's an ineffectual deity or not. It's no skin off my scrotum either way.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
17-08-2012, 05:29 PM
RE: I feel like I'm letting my family down!!
I hope I don't sound like a emotional dip-shit when I say this, but when the time is right, you will know it. If [now] doesn't feel right, just keep waiting until you know when its time.

Bury me with my guns on, so when I reach the other side - I can show him what it feels like to die.
Bury me with my guns on, so when I'm cast out of the sky, I can shoot the devil right between the eyes.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Question's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: