I feel like I'm losing control
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15-02-2014, 10:53 AM
I feel like I'm losing control
Weirdly enough last time I posted here I swore to myself that I never would again. Yet here I am. I think I'm just venting so thanks in advance for any replies but I think the main thing for me is using this as an outlet. I'm good at wearing the mask, pretending things are fine. When I decide to hide my thoughts away no-one can tell, it's a gift I guess. I'm tired of putting the effort into sustaining my mask right now though. Ironically I'll probably regret posting this thread within five minutes of posting it.

I'm struggling at the moment. I haven't slept properly in over a week and I doubt I'll start any time soon. Perhaps things are fine, my mind always goes to darker places when I'm sleep deprived, but I think where I am in life is causing the sleep deprivation and not vice versa.

A lot of the issue is stupid stuff. Stuff I would usually keep my thoughts in check over but I almost feel like Pandora's Box has been opened inside my head right now. As I lost control of one thing the rest escaped as well. I know I'm better than to let myself get like this and I know I should be stronger, I guess I'm having one of my moments of weakness.

I need to bounce back, I can do that pretty well usually but this time I'm not so sure. Too many things are getting away from me, I've allowed myself to fall into too many stupid places at once and I don't know if I can fight my way back at the moment. I know I can keep going but I don't wanna have to drag myself through life hour by hour. I wanna toughen up, strengthen my resolve, but I can't. I have demons in my life that I have been ignoring for too long, ones that I cannot face. I need to force them back into my metaphorical Pandora's Box and shut them away but, I just can't right now.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep, again. If you made it this far then well done, you officially completed reading the most pointless and stupid thread OP in TTA history.

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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15-02-2014, 11:00 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(15-02-2014 10:53 AM)Hughsie Wrote:  Weirdly enough last time I posted here I swore to myself that I never would again. Yet here I am. I think I'm just venting so thanks in advance for any replies but I think the main thing for me is using this as an outlet. I'm good at wearing the mask, pretending things are fine. When I decide to hide my thoughts away no-one can tell, it's a gift I guess. I'm tired of putting the effort into sustaining my mask right now though. Ironically I'll probably regret posting this thread within five minutes of posting it.

I'm struggling at the moment. I haven't slept properly in over a week and I doubt I'll start any time soon. Perhaps things are fine, my mind always goes to darker places when I'm sleep deprived, but I think where I am in life is causing the sleep deprivation and not vice versa.

A lot of the issue is stupid stuff. Stuff I would usually keep my thoughts in check over but I almost feel like Pandora's Box has been opened inside my head right now. As I lost control of one thing the rest escaped as well. I know I'm better than to let myself get like this and I know I should be stronger, I guess I'm having one of my moments of weakness.

I need to bounce back, I can do that pretty well usually but this time I'm not so sure. Too many things are getting away from me, I've allowed myself to fall into too many stupid places at once and I don't know if I can fight my way back at the moment. I know I can keep going but I don't wanna have to drag myself through life hour by hour. I wanna toughen up, strengthen my resolve, but I can't. I have demons in my life that I have been ignoring for too long, ones that I cannot face. I need to force them back into my metaphorical Pandora's Box and shut them away but, I just can't right now.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep, again. If you made it this far then well done, you officially completed reading the most pointless and stupid thread OP in TTA history.

I'm sorry but your thread isn't pointless and neither are you.

Sometimes we need help and sometimes it bothers us more to admit that we need help. We feel it's stupid, the problem isn't worth it...yet we recycle the thoughts, until they become consuming.

You're not alone and if you need to talk...

In the meantime, Hug


[Image: mrhanky.jpg]

Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


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15-02-2014, 11:01 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
Not pointless at all.

Get sleep...that really does help a lot of things, physically and mentally.

As for the demons...sometimes facing them is better in the long run than pushing them back down only to reappear again...that's coming from someone who has done, and does do, both. Easier said than done either way.

Other than that...hugs. Hope you figure a way to work things out and feel better.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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15-02-2014, 11:05 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(15-02-2014 10:53 AM)Hughsie Wrote:  I have demons in my life that I have been ignoring for too long, ones that I cannot face.

We all have demons, we're all fighting our own, but they're never impossible to defeat.

Let the pieces fall, and when the land, put them back together. Get some rest, and give yourself a break. You need it.

I know you can pick yourself up from this.

[Image: pBvowKv.gif]
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15-02-2014, 11:10 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
I would say that maybe you need to see a counselor. Talk things over with them, they offer you different perspectives on how to see your problems. If you can afford it go private (I think they can charge £50+ but there are more and more places popping up that will do reduced rates) If money is an issue go to your doctor. They will refer you but you may have to wait a few weeks to be seen.

In the meantime if you wish to discuss your "demons" you can PM me if you like. I wont judge you or anything I will just be honest. It would prob be better to discuss it openly though (if your ready to), then you can get more opinions.

The offer is there though if you need it.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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15-02-2014, 11:20 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
"Don't try to drown your demons if they know how to swim"

The constant assertion of belief is an indication of fear."
~Jiddu Krishnamurti
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15-02-2014, 11:24 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(15-02-2014 11:20 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  "Don't try to drown your demons if they know how to swim"

I know how to swim, but if someone is DROWNING me I can't really do anything about that.

Smartass

Moral: You can overcome anything.

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15-02-2014, 11:27 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(15-02-2014 11:24 AM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(15-02-2014 11:20 AM)Im_Ryan Wrote:  "Don't try to drown your demons if they know how to swim"

I know how to swim, but if someone is DROWNING me I can't really do anything about that.

Smartass

Moral: You can overcome anything.

No it's not. There is no moral, it's a statement. More of a call to action.
Everyone wants to hide their demons, lock them up, but they'll always come back. Hence the saying. If you think about it, the only thing to do is to face your demons, no matter how insurmountable they may seem.

The constant assertion of belief is an indication of fear."
~Jiddu Krishnamurti
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15-02-2014, 11:30 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(15-02-2014 10:53 AM)Hughsie Wrote:  Weirdly enough last time I posted here I swore to myself that I never would again. Yet here I am. I think I'm just venting so thanks in advance for any replies but I think the main thing for me is using this as an outlet. I'm good at wearing the mask, pretending things are fine. When I decide to hide my thoughts away no-one can tell, it's a gift I guess. I'm tired of putting the effort into sustaining my mask right now though. Ironically I'll probably regret posting this thread within five minutes of posting it.

I'm struggling at the moment. I haven't slept properly in over a week and I doubt I'll start any time soon. Perhaps things are fine, my mind always goes to darker places when I'm sleep deprived, but I think where I am in life is causing the sleep deprivation and not vice versa.

A lot of the issue is stupid stuff. Stuff I would usually keep my thoughts in check over but I almost feel like Pandora's Box has been opened inside my head right now. As I lost control of one thing the rest escaped as well. I know I'm better than to let myself get like this and I know I should be stronger, I guess I'm having one of my moments of weakness.

I need to bounce back, I can do that pretty well usually but this time I'm not so sure. Too many things are getting away from me, I've allowed myself to fall into too many stupid places at once and I don't know if I can fight my way back at the moment. I know I can keep going but I don't wanna have to drag myself through life hour by hour. I wanna toughen up, strengthen my resolve, but I can't. I have demons in my life that I have been ignoring for too long, ones that I cannot face. I need to force them back into my metaphorical Pandora's Box and shut them away but, I just can't right now.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep, again. If you made it this far then well done, you officially completed reading the most pointless and stupid thread OP in TTA history.

The more you repress things, the more they try to bubble up to the surface.

Emotions are one of our coping mechanisms, you can't just make them go away, they tend to collect up and the more you have suppressed, the bigger the bang when they break the box open. And they always do, eventually.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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17-02-2014, 02:55 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
Thanks for all the support people, both from those of you who've replied here and those who've contacted me privately.

I guess I'm feeling a little better than I did on Saturday. It's been an exhausting few days emotionally and not being able to sleep properly has just compounded that but hopefully I'll begin to regain some control of my head soon. I've been up and down over and over again since I posted this thread so it's time for me to try and drag myself up and stay there. I have periods where I feel ready to fight that fight now (which I didn't on Saturday) so I think that's a good sign.

Thanks again for all your support everyone.

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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