I feel like I'm losing control
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17-02-2014, 06:05 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
Hughsie, have you considered seeing someone about it? You may be misdiagnosing yourself - forest and trees and all of that.

You shouldn't have to go through such trying times, maybe it's time to dig that demon out by it's root.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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17-02-2014, 06:29 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(17-02-2014 06:05 AM)Dom Wrote:  Hughsie, have you considered seeing someone about it? You may be misdiagnosing yourself - forest and trees and all of that.

You shouldn't have to go through such trying times, maybe it's time to dig that demon out by it's root.

I've considered it, but only fleetingly. It would be too difficult to keep from my family and people at work, and I'm not gonna tell them anything. This place is the only place I feel comfortable enough to be even slightly open.

I also doubt there's much anyone can do for me. There are some things about me that are beyond my control.

This weekend was a freak occurrence more than anything. Several things all hit at once and it happened to occur at a time when I'd already been struggling to sleep. It was too much for a while and it still feels like it is at times. I guess it's harder to deal with things when there are several on your mind, as soon as you focus on one another one springs back up.

I suppose I've been analyzing myself, not just this weekend but every time I've buckled for the last few years. I think that I have a few long-term things that are always there in some form, I can control them though, they usually don't bother me. They only become an issue when something else comes up that hits me hard enough. It's almost like the short-term stress causes me to lose control of the long term things and suddenly I have to face them all and it takes a while to get things under control again. That's the pattern I've noticed. There's nothing there for anyone to diagnose or "treat" in that sense, I just am sometimes not strong enough to keep myself in check. Hopefully that will come in time though.

It doesn't happen often though, It's probably only been two or three times in the last year. I guess this time was just worse than normal, probably the hardest I've been hit in years. Normally it only takes a day (two at max) for me to regain myself but it's been longer this time. I think it was just bad luck that everything happened together. I took today off work (it's my first day off sick in almost three years) and I was already off tomorrow and Wednesday. I should be fine again by Thursday.

Thanks for your concern, it really means a lot to me. Smile

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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17-02-2014, 06:47 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
Hold onto your ass Hughsie, hold on tight
If you know your own rhythms,
Whether it, and hold onto to that
Oh shit bar!

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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17-02-2014, 07:07 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(17-02-2014 06:29 AM)Hughsie Wrote:  I think that I have a few long-term things that are always there in some form, I can control them though, they usually don't bother me. They only become an issue when something else comes up that hits me hard enough. It's almost like the short-term stress causes me to lose control of the long term things and suddenly I have to face them all and it takes a while to get things under control again.

That is the thing that worries me. Every time this happens, shit gets added to the box. Next time it gets banged around enough to bust open, more shit will come tumbling out. You can't control this crap all the time, it stresses you more than you think.

Are you sure you cannot secretly go for some help? These things can be resolved, and then you only have to deal with real time issues anymore - much, much easier.

You get episodes like this because your brain has not been able to make sense of something, and the episode is the brain trying to dig down to do so. Shutting the door on it just saves it for another time, while it secretly gnaws on you...

Episodes like that, emotional overloads, are an alarm system just like physical pain. In and of themselves, they are not the issue, they are indicators that there is an unresolved issue someplace.

Is there really still such a stigma attached to seeking treatment in the UK? Yikes!

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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17-02-2014, 10:19 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
What you have to do:
[Image: 37217041.png&imgx=undefined&...0rotate(0)]
And
[Image: keep-calm-and-burn-your-local-church.png]

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17-02-2014, 02:57 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(17-02-2014 06:29 AM)Hughsie Wrote:  I suppose I've been analyzing myself, ...

Stop doing that. ... Girly's got nothing but bigass bearhugs. ...

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As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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17-02-2014, 03:08 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
Here's what happens when you get a Girly hug...

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I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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17-02-2014, 03:28 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
I should make that a song.
HANG ON AND BURN THE CHURCH!
BURN THE CHURCH!
BURN THE CHURCH!
(x∞)

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17-02-2014, 10:21 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
Let it all out dude, just find someone who cares about you and go for it, cry like a bitch, you don't need to say anything. You will feel better even if nothing changes, even if the person you're with doesn't understand what you're going through or you won't tell them.
Last saturday at was at a spot like the one you're in right now and my best friend and my brother literally forced me to let my 29 year old man tears come out.
Totally letting go is hard but it's a great therapy.


That or a good dose of LSD will fix youThumbsup

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
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21-02-2014, 09:04 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
Reading your first post was like reading something I wrote. I know all about the mask and the effort it can take to keep it up. I also know about trying to keep demons in a box. It was my life for many years. Then, my demons exploded out of the box and attacked.

I got to a place where I was so worried about control that I stuffed all of my emotions and things that stressed me. I began to feel very few emotions. Then, my body decided it had had enough and turned my stress and stuffed emotions into physical symptoms. I began having psuedo-seizures. My entire body would jerk wildly and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It took me over two years to get them to stop.

Now, I'm not saying this will happen to you. I've dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life and this was a factor. I'm just very concerned because I know how destructive it can be to keep everything inside. When the demons finally come out, they can get very nasty.

I wanted to hide the fact that I was getting help from my family, so I understand where you are coming from. It can be done, though. My family didn't know until I told them. Yes, you have to be a little sneaky, but it can work. You are struggling so much to keep your demons at bay and that has to be very stressful. Talking with someone and working through the issues could make your life a lot better.

Whatever you decide, I really hope everything works out for you. If you need to vent, you can always PM me. I'm a good listener.

I am still learning. --Michelangelo, age 87
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