I feel like I'm losing control
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21-02-2014, 03:39 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(15-02-2014 10:53 AM)Hughsie Wrote:  If you made it this far then well done, you officially completed reading the most pointless and stupid thread OP in TTA history.

Nothing that you've said is pointless or stupid. Everyone has their own demons to fight. Try not to be hard on yourself.

I know you've said there are several things that have slipped away, but would there be any benefit in catching just one? Focusing on just one of the many? And then maybe trying for another? When I feel overwhelmed, I try to break things down into simpler, easier to manage pieces.

Advice is always easier to give than to take, I know. I hope you find some solace here. Rooting for you.
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23-02-2014, 03:11 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(21-02-2014 09:04 AM)ComradeBunny Wrote:  Reading your first post was like reading something I wrote. I know all about the mask and the effort it can take to keep it up. I also know about trying to keep demons in a box. It was my life for many years. Then, my demons exploded out of the box and attacked.

I got to a place where I was so worried about control that I stuffed all of my emotions and things that stressed me. I began to feel very few emotions. Then, my body decided it had had enough and turned my stress and stuffed emotions into physical symptoms. I began having psuedo-seizures. My entire body would jerk wildly and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It took me over two years to get them to stop.

Now, I'm not saying this will happen to you. I've dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life and this was a factor. I'm just very concerned because I know how destructive it can be to keep everything inside. When the demons finally come out, they can get very nasty.

I wanted to hide the fact that I was getting help from my family, so I understand where you are coming from. It can be done, though. My family didn't know until I told them. Yes, you have to be a little sneaky, but it can work. You are struggling so much to keep your demons at bay and that has to be very stressful. Talking with someone and working through the issues could make your life a lot better.

Whatever you decide, I really hope everything works out for you. If you need to vent, you can always PM me. I'm a good listener.

I defo know what you're talking about regarding emotions. I'm so used to keeping them under strict control but they've gotten away from me recently, that's been a huge part of my problem.

I felt better during the week but this last day or two has been brutal. Right now I just wanna sleep, cry, or jump off a bridge. I haven't slept properly in over two weeks so I'm not holding out much hope of that. I hardly ever cry, I don't know why, I just don't (plus if I do there's a chance I'll open the floodgates and be set off at the slightest provocation for the day next few days and fuck that). And jumping off a bridge would involve leaving my bed and I'm really not about to leave my bed.

I guess that just leaves me to focus on trying to regain some self control. Maybe I've been doing this wrong. Rather than trying to feel happy and positive I should go the other way and try to focus on how awful I feel, sometimes I think doing that can make you feel better in the long run, you've confronted those things then and their ability to bother you is deminished. I dunno, hopefully I'll just fall asleep.

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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23-02-2014, 04:24 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(23-02-2014 03:11 PM)Hughsie Wrote:  Maybe I've been doing this wrong. Rather than trying to feel happy and positive I should go the other way and try to focus on how awful I feel, sometimes I think doing that can make you feel better in the long run, you've confronted those things then and their ability to bother you is deminished. I dunno, hopefully I'll just fall asleep.

I agree that it can be good to sometimes just let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel. Running away from it won't do you any good. I spent a loooooong time wallowing in my pain and depression and as it turns out, I think that's what I needed. Maybe that will be the case for you. Let yourself feel whatever it is you're feeling right now and don't let yourself feel bad about it, either. It seems you have a lot of guilt over any negative feelings you have. Hug

You haz my permission to wallow about in a bit of depression and misery and then when you are ready to pick yourself up, you will. And you'll feel better for having let yourself experience those emotions instead of running from them so much. It's the running that gets so exhausting.

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23-02-2014, 05:20 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
Emotions in and of themselves are not the issue, you can suppress them all you like, they are a symptom and not a cause. You have unwanted emotions because there is something wrong that you have not worked out yet - your "demon" as you put it.

Once your brain is allowed to deal with the demons, the unwanted emotions will just disappear.

The problem is that you are not allowing your brain to process something that happened, and you may or may not know what that is.

That's why I think you should see someone to talk to. They can help bring things to the surface where you can see them clearly and deal with them once and for all.

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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23-02-2014, 09:54 PM (This post was last modified: 23-02-2014 10:36 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
(23-02-2014 03:11 PM)Hughsie Wrote:  I guess that just leaves me to focus on trying to regain some self control. Maybe I've been doing this wrong. Rather than trying to feel happy and positive I should go the other way and try to focus on how awful I feel, sometimes I think doing that can make you feel better in the long run, you've confronted those things then and their ability to bother you is deminished. I dunno, hopefully I'll just fall asleep.

I've tried both. Don't like either. Both are too Pollyanish for me. Don't like the concept of self-control at all. Seems ... too stoic. Feels more like a surfer riding a bigass tsunami wave barely on the razor's edge of control all the time. One of us is gonna break first and neither me nor the wave gives a shit which but it ain't gonna be me.

Bigass waves and shit bitches ...




... Note to self: Learn to surf.

Breathing - it's more art than science.
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23-02-2014, 10:17 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
I hope you're feeling a little better Hughsie. Hug


Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


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24-02-2014, 12:26 AM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
When in doubt, you can always turn to the sage advice of Cher.








There. Much better, no? Dodgy
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24-02-2014, 01:06 PM
RE: I feel like I'm losing control
Thanks for all the supportive messages everyone.

I feel so much better today and the difference has been I've had some sleep. Yesterday evening I felt like I coulda jumped off a bridge and then, after hours of trying, I fell asleep. I only slept for half an hour but the change was incredible. I went from feeling as low as I did to not caring about the stuff that had been stressing me out at all. It was still there, it just didn't phase me in the slightest, which is how I am normally. I felt back to my old self again. Last night I slept for over 7 hours and today I feel incredible, I really feel like I'm back so hopefully I can keep going like this. As long as I sort my sleep out (which I'm sure I will, I normally sleep like a baby so I just need to get back to that) I think my mind will return to it's usual state.

Once again, much love everyone. Smile

Best and worst of Ferdinand .....
Best
Ferdinand: We don't really say 'theist' in Alabama. Here, you're either a Christian, or you're from Afghanistan and we fucking hate you.
Worst
Ferdinand: Everyone from British is so, like, fucking retarded.
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