I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
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16-02-2015, 06:33 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
Finding someone to date is like looking for a parking spot.

All the good ones are taken - and all that's left are the ones "way out there" and the handicaps...

..

Wink

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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16-02-2015, 07:28 AM (This post was last modified: 16-02-2015 09:04 AM by DLJ.)
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(15-02-2015 08:45 PM)Logisch Wrote:  ...
He stopped talking to me, I don't even know why. He just up and stopped talking to me. I have suspicions as to why, but he won't tell me or speak to me.
...

Are we allowed to speculate? Angel

So, it would seem like you are OK with 'you', yourself and doing your own thing... OK with solitude.

But you want an occasional 'witness'.

[Image: susan-sarandon-quote-we-need-a-witness-t...lion-p.jpg]

But I think you're saying that you're not ready or willing to adopt a permanent witness.

Perhaps 'multi-sourcing' is your solution? Multiple friends (that LDR; the crazy biker chick with permanent oil stains under her finger nails; the guy down the road who likes the same whiskey and the same cigars).

In other words many friendships (tactical relationships) that fit different aspects of your life rather than one single life-partner (strategic relationship) that ticks all the boxes.

Dom is right. One of those friendships could grow into 'the one' and often that takes a little bit of an adopt/adapt compromise.

In the mean time... experiment.

It's exceedingly rare to get it right the first time (or the 50th time) but allowing friendships to evolve by being open to them will open up your choices.

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16-02-2015, 08:57 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
I married very young. Too young. And anyway, that's a long and drawn out story in and of itself, but once I had decided that I wanted a divorce and was actively making plans to go back to live with my parents, my thought was that I was gonna just be on my own for a while. I wasn't looking for a guy (though I'd already worked through the grieving process of my failed marriage and so was emotionally ready to take on a new relationship) or anything. I was making friends here, and mapping out the future for myself and my two children. But as I made friends here, one of them stood out to me. There was something just a little bit different in how I felt toward him as compared to the other guy friends I'd made here.

With everything I was going through at the time (the turmoil of a divorce involving children, moving back home with my parents, starting over from absolute fucking scratch) I felt I needed to tell him where I stood ASAP - that I liked him a lot, as potentially more than a friend. That way, if he did not feel the same, I could maybe back off or stop strong emotions from welling to the surface. Keep myself from getting hurt. But, lucky me, he felt the same way and here we are a little over a year later and still happy together.

Point is, I pretty well agree with Dom. Sometimes the best things come along when you aren't expecting or even looking for them. Rev and I met online and that is not for everyone, I know, but it's just how it happened for us. I'd say, try and relax and don't look for a girlfriend. Just let things happen. Look for a friend first, and maybe, hopefully, that will blossom into something more. Heart

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16-02-2015, 09:01 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
Oh, wanted to add that I also agree with Dom on the dating a theist thing. Don't think I could ever do it. Not now that I am an atheist. It just touches too many parts of their lives if they're even half serious about it. And even if they aren't, all it takes is one tragic event and they are sipping the Jesus juice again. I couldn't handle it. So, that does suck in that it narrows the pool of things. And in a town of 30,000, yeah that's not a whole lot of folks.

But I wish you the best of luck. I think you'll be fine. Smile

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16-02-2015, 10:33 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(16-02-2015 08:57 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I'd say, try and relax and don't look for a girlfriend. Just let things happen. Look for a friend first, and maybe, hopefully, that will blossom into something more. Heart

That sounds about right...

Sucks for solitary people though. How does one go find more friends when they already have like 2 or 3? Seems like a lot of work.

I have also noticed much of the same as Logi... Log.. The OP. People are either not what they claim or seem to be, or disappointingly, exactly what they seem to be... Usually selfish, desperate idiots.
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16-02-2015, 11:02 AM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
I think dating and being unusually selfish go hand in hand - meeting people for the purpose of entering into a long term relationship necessitates selfishness, you want them to fit you. Like I said, it's more like a job interview than a fun gathering.

That's one of the reasons why it's better to go to events about things that interest you, even when they are not a major part of your life. If you run into someone there, you are communicating on the basis of something other than "dating to apply for the relationship job".

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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16-02-2015, 01:41 PM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(16-02-2015 11:02 AM)Dom Wrote:  I think dating and being unusually selfish go hand in hand - meeting people for the purpose of entering into a long term relationship necessitates selfishness, you want them to fit you. Like I said, it's more like a job interview than a fun gathering.

That's one of the reasons why it's better to go to events about things that interest you, even when they are not a major part of your life. If you run into someone there, you are communicating on the basis of something other than "dating to apply for the relationship job".

Hmmm. Interesting point Dom. I don't expect someone to necesarrily "fit me" or be exactly the same or mold to me etc. Like minded doesn't mean exact. But the point is interesting as I hadn't really thought of it that way.

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16-02-2015, 01:45 PM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(16-02-2015 04:33 AM)undergroundp Wrote:  What are those hobbies you're talking about exactly? I can't think of any specific hobby that could get me interested or make me stay away from a guy. And how old are you?

Almost 30. It isn't that I think my hobbies will chase people away. It's that I don't want people looking to date me for the wrong reasons or being under the wrong impression (i.e. money etc).

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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16-02-2015, 02:54 PM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(16-02-2015 01:45 PM)Logisch Wrote:  
(16-02-2015 04:33 AM)undergroundp Wrote:  What are those hobbies you're talking about exactly? I can't think of any specific hobby that could get me interested or make me stay away from a guy. And how old are you?

Almost 30. It isn't that I think my hobbies will chase people away. It's that I don't want people looking to date me for the wrong reasons or being under the wrong impression (i.e. money etc).

You can't keep things about yourself secret though when you meet someone and you expect them to be honest too, can you?

I think you'd be able to tell if someone approached you just because they think you're rich or something. You can't possibly ensure honesty by hiding things about yourself. After all, it's not just money that people are after.

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16-02-2015, 03:09 PM
RE: I feel like people my age are so jaded. (dating shit)
(16-02-2015 02:54 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  
(16-02-2015 01:45 PM)Logisch Wrote:  Almost 30. It isn't that I think my hobbies will chase people away. It's that I don't want people looking to date me for the wrong reasons or being under the wrong impression (i.e. money etc).

You can't keep things about yourself secret though when you meet someone and you expect them to be honest too, can you?

I think you'd be able to tell if someone approached you just because they think you're rich or something. You can't possibly ensure honesty by hiding things about yourself. After all, it's not just money that people are after.

I suppose I am setting up a double standard in doing that. That's .... A valid point.

Official ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Please pm me with prayer requests to his noodly goodness. Remember, he boiled for your sins and loves you. Carbo Diem! RAmen.
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